HER ONLINE DIARY 2009 (the almost complete version)

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2009-03-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

I HAVE CHANGED UP MY BLOG. >>>>>bitter-sweettears.157.blogspot.com!! HIT THAT UP INSTEAD

XXX

Happy days

2009-03-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

Hey all you bloggers out there. It's the last week of the holidays. Quick right? Can't believe we only have 10 days off. The next term vacay will be in June I think. I haven't even finished my holiday assignments yet. Haven't even started on em. I think I'll start doing Maths first. Might as well get the hardest one done first. Suffer first, enjoy later...well sort off~

Today was quite relaxing. Went by baby's house for abit just now in the afternoon. His mom got me this jubah from Mekah. Really comfy I tell you, though abit hot, its comfy. Woke up just in time for me to take a shower and be on my way. Haven't been feeling too well lately though. Been feeling quite heaty~ Oh well..Oh yeah. I just got done watching Bride Wars. BF bought the dvd with me just now. Quite fun..how love can actually turn out that way. The twist in the story was fantastic. I wont ruin the story for all of yalls who haven't watched it though. All I can say is this, GREATEST CHICK FLICK OF THE YEAR.

Speaking of love, one of my friends called me up yesterday with a very interesting dilemma. It's a situation where maybe most or some of you have been in before. It's quite an interesting one too in a sense that..we just don't know where these feelings actually come from and how it all developes all over again. Ok..main characters of the story is her and her ex-boyfriend. Well..they started off real well actually before.

Both of em were totally in love until things went wrong. They just weren't ready yet. They just weren't mature enough for it. Come to think of it, none of us were actually mature enough for a relationship yet cos I was too at a turning point in my relationship. Well, they broke up and after a year or more, which is now, they finally got to talking again. Before they got to talking again, it was so fuckin dramatic. One of depressed and the other one was fronting and shit..you know men and their 'pride'.

Well, she called yesterday and it turns out, they started talking again and stuff, then the subject of their past came up. He confessed that he regrets his decision of letting her go and how hard it was to actually let her go. They were kinda like a Kate Hudson and Owen Willis thing. If you don't know who they are, go look em up on google. They had this on and off thing goin on and yeah, from what I can tell from both of em, my friend and her ex I mean, communication is the thing that held both of them together. Whenever they got back to talking, the love came back.

Basically, she's confused on whether or not she should keep her distance. Since he is in a relationship, it makes things so much harder to work out. All the advice I could give her is to let whatever that's gonna happen, just happen. There's no use in hiding her feelings and try to push it away when it's never gonna go anywhere. She tried pushing away the last time and here it is back again. The fact that he has a girlfriend, well that's another issue. Yeah, it's mean steppin on people, but hey, who are we to stop fate from happening? If it happens, it just happens. When I tell her to let fate decide, I mean it that way. I'm not asking her to try ruining someone else's relationship though.

It's not like I'm asking her to throw herself at him and go all lovey-dovey straight away. They're only friends at this point...just you know..with something special in that particular bond. Oh well, we'll see what happens. I do wish her luck though..I've been in her position before and when things don't work out...it doesn't usually turn out good...nyeh.

til tomorrow peoples! Ciao Bello!

&&exclusivelyy

Holidays!

2009-03-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

Finally its the end of the school term!!! We're all off til the 29th of March. Finally 10 days off from all the chaos and piles of assignments. College started pretty well then it sorta fell into a slump. The assignments are 'incredible'. Its like the teachers have mistaken us for lifeless creatures. I hardly have any free time on my hands. All the revisions and impossible-to-get-done homework.

Maths is a horror fest. Numbers look like jewish words to me. I thought it was gonna be more or less like the maths that I've taken during O levels, but it is not what I predicted. WAY OFF! Additional maths is a nightmare. I actually cried during my second assignment. It was impossible to complete cos I couldn't even complete the first question! I tried using my brain til it just refused to function anymore. I got so cranky after that. Business is alright cos I took principles of accounts last year during O's, but the teacher is just...fuckin boring. She keeps explaining shit like she's talking to herself.

Sociology and Literature AS is the only thing that's actually caught my attention. Well, cos one has a good teacher teachin the subject, well both actually and both of these subjects are sorta related to English, which is my only best subject...got an A2 for it during O's. But yeah, teachers aren't letting us off though. 'Holiday Homework'. Yes the term that makes us go either 'AWWW' or just shudder.

I haven't even started on any of my homework. Gotta enjoy part of the holidays right?? I don't know what I'm gonna do actually this holiday, but yeah, been spending alot of time with my man. Just got back from his house actually. We swung by Joey's for dvd's just now. I bought Clueless and Happily Never After 2 *DO NOT LAUGH AT ME!!*

The BF unfortunately got a Russian movie. AHAHA. He called me up just now and complained like no other. To make matters worse, the subtitles were shitty as hell. As in, you couldn't understand a thing! Well, it was for $5 so what to do? Hopefully he'll have better luck next time. I feel so bad cos I bought 2 and he only bought 1 and it unfortunately it was a really shitty one :(

Nothing interesting has happened so far. Been really bored. Obviously assignments are now part of my daily routine. Everyone at home is away at some function. One is at my aunt's house, her daughter's bday and the other is some relative's kid turning a month old. I really can't be bothered to go to either one of em. Spending the day with my man seems more productive no? ;)

I need to swing by guardian soon. Need to pick up some stuff for my room. I'm running out of boxed tissue papers and cotton swabs. Need to get me some shampoo as well. What brand should I use? It seems like every shampoo I've tried doesn't make my hair any softer, but ironically Baby Johnson's shampoo makes my hair so much softer and not to mention, shinier! I didn't even have to put on conditioner and it was already soft to the touch.

Aparently Baby Johnson's shampoo and body wash and everything is really good. Well to me haha. So yeah, might need to swing by guardian for a lil toiletry refreshment and hopefully get me a new pair of heels. I feel like buying a new pair. Or maybe a new bag. I know I sound like some A+ spoilt brat, but hey, a girl needs some pampering of her own once in awhile right?

Anyways, this is it for tonight. Maybe I have something meaningful to blog about soon haha. Nothing for me to talk about these days. Everything's been drama free. Except for the quarrels at home and out of home, everything's perfectly fine (: so til tomorrow..Stay fine peoples! ciao bello

&&louis vuitton and gucci........yes we all do dream of ~~pretty things~~.........

.......................................but fuck it.

The net hurts.

2009-03-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

I do hate the internet sometimes and advertisements too. They make me want things I may never have :( I strongly dislike looking at something I wish I had. It just aches me so bad. Puts a huge wrinkle on mi forehead. My most recents wants is the Nokia 5800 Xpress Music. I thought that the N97 was gonna be the only touch screen Nokia phone, but to my surprise, my mom had to see the 5800's ad and told me to search it online. Hell!! It was like an iPhone...but so so so much better!! I don't really know if its better than the N97 or not, but shit...its really nice.

I wasn't really feeling the whole design of the phone, but ok..scratch everything I said. I shall wait for the N97! Fuck shit, excuse mi french, but I just saw the most azmazing phone..EVER! Its like a cross between the LG Prada, ofcourse and N-series lookalike and the iPhone. It is a definite treasure! I'm aiming for that one gadget. Can't wait for it to come out. Bet the price on this one aint gon be merciful. A phone like that? Pfft~

From what I heard the last time I asked about it, it'll be released around late July or August. I can't friggin wait!!! It knocks the iPhone right outta the ball park. Hope my dad gets it..well for me ofcourse..not my mom~ Hopefully she gets the 5800 instead *evil grins*

The silver one looks fantastic, whereas the black one, in my opinion is a little blah. Its sorta like a laptop that fits right into your pockets. I recommend you guys to search it up and drool over this kick ass treasure. I actually wanted to get this phone last year when my N95 got totalled, but yeah since it only comes out this year around July or August, I stuck with the N96. Its more or less like the N95, but has a sleeker design. Nokia's phones have recently been lacking in the design area, but someone decided to use his/her brain and designed this unique phone! Yeah the design does look a lil bit like the other phones in the N-series range, but its wayy more sleeker.

Sorry if I'm abit obssessed over this gadget, but I haven't seen it yet. Me, being the moderately slow person that I am, just thought of serching its images up on google. Anyways~~~~

On other events in my life...College has finally started just now. It was kinda tiring. First day and the assignments are already pouring. Business studies was a complete bore. I felt like I made a HUGE mistake. Should've gone for like Geo or something. Or maybe change my lecturer. She sounded like she either didn't get any sleep the last night or someone just aint gettin nuff lovin at home. Sad how sometimes people make it so obvious that they hate their life. So far, no drama in college yet, Thank GOD!

Searching for my classes weren't that bad. I managed to follow the map surprisingly cos I found it kinda complicated to understand at first, but I found my classes and my teachers so its all good. BF brought me lunch and it was sweet. The day went pretty well today. My ASL class got cancelled today so I got to hang out at the BF's house. :)

Now I'm on my way to bed. Will blog maybe tomorrow so ciao bello!!!

&&drama drama drama

Orientation on Monday...

2009-02-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

I just got my college folder. I got accepted~ Monday's gonna be orientation day. It goes on for 3 days so normal lessons will start only on Thursday. Its gonna be a long ass day. On the third day, we'll have to wear our sport attires as there will be activities for us. Don't know what kind of activites, but just a wild guess...sports? *sense the sarcasm*

The BF has been worrying a lot lately as college will take up abit of our time. When I say 'our' I mean it'll take up our time spent together. College starts at 7.30am and ends around 3 in the afternoon. If there are any other activities like meetings or shit like that, we'll probably have to stay til 4.30 or later which sucks real bad.

The whole folder includes various forms and the ever boring 'rule book'. It says we're not allowed out during PS (Private Study) and blah blah blah. Scary to me at first cos it seemed sooo strict, but I guess you just have to get used to the college and learn the ropes. Then it'll be all good. Kinda nervous about orientation though. A lot of my friends are going to Katok which sucks. I don't even know how I got into my college. I heard from the BF's dad that my house isn't in the school's area range. I'm supposed to be going to Katok as well, but this college will do just fine.

A lot of pressure though from my dad. He keeps going on and on about my study habits and shit. Time management..blah blah..time management..blah blah...TIME MANAGEMENT..blah blah bloody blah!

Everything's sorta pressing me down. Everyone's not really helping me with college. TIME TIME TIME~! Everything concerns time. Not enough time spent with him..Not enough time spent on my studies..Not enough time spent outdoors. What the hell...seems like 24 hours just isn't enough for one day. Why 24 hours?! Why can't it be more? I haven't even started college yet and things are already fuckin stressful.

I just don't need no drama when I start off college. None of that socializing bullshit. Dealt with it since Form 1 and I aint bringing my highschool nightmares to college. No way in hell, point blank.

Today was the same as yesterday except my dad changed my lights. He bought and installed this amazing-looking chandelier in my bedroom. Since my old lights weren't bright enough for my room and the bulbs weren't the energy-saving types, he changed the whole damn thing. My room is now bright as hell. Thank god its brightness can be adjusted. It looks like a mini version of the one that hangs on the living room ceiling. VERY pretty~ I didn't really think that it would be that beautiful, but shit, I underestimated my dad real bad.

Now I'll finally be able to enjoy the brightness of my room. Try changing the amount of light in your room. It actually changes the way you look at it. Looks better when its bright. It actually depends on your taste. If you like things a lil bit darker then you might like your room without so much light...if not then yeah like me, you love the light. I hate the dark. Phobia~ I am sinking in shame...~

Anyways..I shall sign off here. Ciao readers.

&&shine baby shine!

What if I didn't need it?

2009-02-26T00:50:00.000-08:00

What if I didn't need all the shit that has been put right out in front of me? Would I be happier living life the way it should be? No luxury..Just flat out normal life. No fake smiles, no curfews, no intense drama...Just plain ol' life.

Would it be much easier or just abit TOO easy? I sometimes ponder on the fact that maybe life is easy. But its just the person who's living it that makes it harder. The world is God's little prison for us. We serve our sentence and he decides when our times are up. Just like normal prison, we usually stay long enough to have met wonderful people called friends and maybe even find that special someone. Drama occurs every now and then..some are worked out, some just left to dangle for a lifetime.

Enemies are made and hatred is formed. All part of the wonderful experience called life. Not one of us can escape any of its processes. But aint it a shame for those who get pulled out of it so quickly. You never know just when your time's up. It could be any day or any minute. Most of us are afraid of death itself. I've heard this timelessly 'Death is but a gift from God'. Is it really? For those who have lived a harsh life, they will agree to this immediately, but for those who have lived life in its lushness will think before agreeing to this quote.

The loss of a loved one..is amazingly far greater than any other emotion. Though the thought of them finally receiving an eternity of happiness is an enjoyable one. I've heard stories and theories on how heaven is like and how the 'end of the world' or 'apocalypse' as some may call it, is near. When does it happen? How does it happen and what will really happen? I myself is afraid of death itself. But the end of days? I dare not even question its reality.

I aim to fulfill as much of my goals in life as time permits. Everyone does too actually. Fear is one of the many thoughts or emotion that holds us back from really fulfilling most things we want to do in life. I try hard not to let it get in my way and although it does occasionally, I do not let it get in the way of the things that matter most to me in my life. We all want to be a better person in life. Almost everyone wants life in its best quality, but what if we can't have it? What if..it isn't what God has planned for us? Sucks doesn't it when the thing you want just can't be taken nor bought. Frustrating, really.

A family with 2 children. A good husband. A nice house. Home will sound as sweet as it did almost 10 years ago. That is what I want in life. Hopefully in the near future I'll get it...yes hope. Hope is what all of us can do for things we are not sure of. Faith is another important value in life. Having faith will crush some of our hearts at times, but at most..it keeps us from the negativity life may bring. Negativity isn't one of the things I try to take in. All it does is create more pain and worries for me.

Moping over the same shit time and time again. A waste of time..that's what it is. I do appreciate a little time spent alone at home from time to time. But I really just wanna get out there and see the world. Travel..meet new people and breath in the intoxicated air that surrounds the world. Pollution is one of the poisons in life. Can we escape it? Unfortunately not. As long as smoke is still around. Pollution aint nowhere further.

Anger used to be the way I led my life, but then one day I just realized that anger is such a tiring and wasteful feeling. So to speak in beauty's point of view. WRINKLES are formed. Nowadays surgeries like botox are done to remove these so-called wisdom lines. Thank God for modern technology I guess. I do wonder though...how were the old times? The Golden Age? When life was linean and sweet. Why did it turn its back on most of us now? Why did it just turn all sour on us?

No matter how long you think about that question...An answer will never turn up. Most of our questions about life only end up with theories. None proven.

&&my thoughts

Boring wednesday morning

2009-02-24T12:03:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to sound negative, but I have a huge feeling that today will be majorly boring. I've tried asking everyone if they're free later and it seems like I'm the only bum that's free.

Everyone has something to do later and I feel so left out~ Oh well..let's hope something interesting pops up later. Today was alright. Went to the BF's house just now and bought some dvd's after.

I bought Madagascar 2 finally and it isn't quite what I expected. Not really all that funny. Yeah it was funny but not all what I expected. I expected a 'Oh my god I can't stop laughing' kinda funny but no. Unfortunately not.

I bought a few other dvd's as well but they're all at the BF's house. He borrowed them. Guess I'll be watching my dvd's tomorrow then. If I'm lucky enough, the baju kurung that my grandmother sent to the tailor is ready. Then I can finally see the finished product.

Its either that or my acceptance letter is out already. I'm kinda praying for both here. My parents have been on my case about the whole acceptance letter thing. What's the big deal anyways? Its not like I'm the one who's controlling the college.

As if I can just waltz into there and ask them to hurry their asses up..although I would love to, but hell no.

Its around 4.12am on a Wednesday now. Why am I not asleep yet? Its what red bull does to you. I know most of you guys are probably questioning my dimwitted decision to drink it at night and my answer is this..migrane + red bull= no more migrane.

Seriously it cures your headaches too. Apparently it energizes you right? And by energizing you, it takes away the migrane. It only works if your headaches are due to sleepiness or when you're really tired.

I just realized that I haven't gotten my school shoes and socks yet. Shit! Well I finally got something to do tomorrow. I'm looking for those that look like flats. Not the boring ol school shoes you see at those indian shops. Nothing against people who buy them there but I realized that they don't tend to last long. Not really the most durable shoes in the world. The pair that I'm getting has to last for two years. I have shopping for school shoes so it'll be a huge bummer for me if the pair that I buy goes bye bye.

Oh btw I can't really change the colour of my font cos I'm actually blogging on my phone. I really need to get myself a laptop. Are macbooks any good though? A few years ago, they weren't the best choice of laptops. But I've seen the one my aunt has and it doesn't seem too bad.

They do fix it here now too at the Kiulap apple shop, so I guess that can be considered. Its either a macbook or a dell. My dad already has an acer so I can't really get the same one. Its all about variety.

There are a number of things I wanna take off my to-do list. But the important things are to get atleast a B for my english this year, get my driving license by december and get myself a laptop.

Pretty hard to accomplish those cos they require alot of hard work. How does the license and laptop require hard work? I need to really work hard on persuading my parents to let me get both of those things.

Trust is'nt one of the many things that my parents have towards me. And I personally don't blame them at all. But I'm turning 18 this year and they can't really expect me to go on without a license forever. 3 important things to get done before the year does. Oh god I hope I get to complete all of em.

Anyways I'm getting really sleepy now, finally so I'm gonna get some shut eye. Night readers! Ciao bello.

Cant wait for it

2009-02-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

God I cant wait for college any longer! Im gonna check tomorrow for the acceptance letter at school. I got my uniform and everything already.

The only thing I have to get through is orientation. and its normal assignments and exams time.

I hope this year I can finally start off fresh. You know, new school..new environment..new people. This is'nt gonna be high school no more and studying isn't gonna be as easy anymore.

Responsibilities pile up and the whole burning the midnight oil method wont work anymore.

I cant believe it worked for my o levels though. Im not questioning it, but yeah, im not gonna talk bout it anymore. Not gonna jinx it. Haha yeah im kinda supersticious bout these kinda things.

Im so through with boring days at home with shit to do. I need to finally do something more productive with my time. I may hate the stress that college will put on me along the road, but its for my future.

Future's in my hands and nobody else's. Well that's what my dad says and I do believe it. I need my A levels or its bye bye to my dream of getting into NUS.

If im lucky my parents might propose on sending me to Singapore again for my second year of college. I love it there. Its just so peaceful there. The environment there is just right for me..especially my grandparent's apartment.

Even the BF loves it there. He's been chasing me to move there for the longest time. I dont really have a problem with it. Its just the thought of being away from my family here now that scares me. Now that I've bonded with them and everything, its hard to just leave.

Im not trying to be a drama queen or anything but, I have never ever bonded with my family (excluding my mom) like this before. I went grocery shopping with my grandmother (the one in brunei now) which I've never done before cos I was always out with my friends or just could'nt be bothered, I went swimming and bowling at Empire with my aunt, uncle and little cousins and I spent time with my dad just watching dvds at night.

If they actually do agree on sending me to Singapore to continue my education, im gonna miss all of this and I swear the homesickness will drive me insane. Been there, done that.

But if I actually did go though, I would finally get the freedom I've always wanted. First I would need to get my driving license first though so I can drive myself around while I'm there.

My dad bought a car there for my granddad and I can use it from time to time. Everything will have its own place and time. I should'nt rush anything just for my freedom. Shit..I just remembered. I haven't called my grandma for a long time. Guess I'll call her tomorrow before going to see the BF.

Need to see how she's doing. How everyone's doing actually. Cos if I remember right, I didn't see both of my uncles the whole time I was there.

Both were away for work. Only difference was that one was all the way in New Zealand and the other was living in the hotel where he works. I hope my uncle who's in New Zealand comes back soon. I miss him a whole fucking lot. He was the joker of the family there so without him, the house has been a little quiet.

And hey his friends aren't that bad looking either. A girl can't help but take a little peek. Anyways I just realized that I'm rambling again, so before I bore you readers to sleep, I'll stop here. I'm sleepy anyways :p ciao bello! Til tomorrow ~

Good day...with a few road bumps

2009-02-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

Don't you just hate it when some idiot decides to just destroy your mood? Bet you guys have been there a million times. So have I~ I'm in it right now..chatting to this idiotic dwarf who won't get off my back. I'm dealing with it...~

Today was ok actually. Went by the BF's house and chilled. Mom was supposed to go to Singapore just now in the evening, but being the 'person' that she is, she missed her flight. A grown 44 year old business woman missed her own flight. She's supposedly a business woman and she can miss her flight...cos she was eating her dinner. WOW. Shocked the hell outta me and yet no..not really cos she does this-ALOT.

So I don't know when her next flight's gonna be and I'm hoping tomorrow cos then my dad wouldn't cancel his. I want them both to actually go so I can have atleast a bit of freedom til school starts. Gotta go call up my school tomorrow to see if they've got my acceptance letter from MD yet. Hopefully I'll get accepted.

The whole day has been mostly about anger. Well...my dad's the one who didn't have a good day actually. Had to deal with 'the wife' which is never a good thing. I really don't get it. If he's in so much torture, why not just file for divorce? Make life a lil easier for him. He has to take care of alot of things. Alot of responsibilities...I feel really bad for him sometimes. Most of yall may actually question why I am the way I am towards my own mother.

Well, to narrow everything down...She needs the whole world to revolve around her. She's just a difficult woman. Quite impossible to deal with her cos you can't understand the way she actually thinks. People who are close to me...you guys should know what I'm talking bout.

There are loads of people like her in the world and around us. I just need to know how to deal with these kind of people and the best way is to not lose your cool and breath. If that doesn't work, I usually just avoid em. I have one bothering me online right now.

Keeps going on and on about her and her stupid day. It gets to me, but then I calm myself down and think. Why spend time getting mad at someone that's pathetic enough to feed on other people's misery right? The only reason she brags to somebody is for someone envy her. Why give her what she wants? Everybody knows for a fact that she's not the love-able kind, so why be jealous? There's one thing I learnt last year from a very wise person that whenever you get mad...Use this meathod. SIT. Not sit as in sit down, but 'SIT' which stands for Sit, Inhale and Think. That's what you need to do. Simply calm your angry ass down and think.

Its actually a fact that your brain goes haywire when you're in a panicky state or when you get mad. So calm down and think. It works wonders for me and hopefully it'll do you good.

Anger hasn't been one of my best traits, but its change-able. I try to hold my temper down. I used to be very impulsive and pissy, which is a very immature way to deal with shit. I'm 18 now. Gotta learn how to deal with the shitty things that happen in my life. Its not like they're every going away right? Destroying things around me and screaming at people will just make my problems worse. If I destroy things, I'll get scolded when my dad hears about it, if I scream at people, it'll either start a big fight or make a fight even worse.

The BF used to have anger issues too, til I screamed at him and told him to change, which is pretty ironic. God I'm so sleepy now~ I'll end my rants here. Til tomorrow. Ciao bello (:

&&pump ur brakes before I crash you :)

Tiring day~

2009-02-16T07:33:00.001-08:00

Why the hell does life always turn its back on you when you're actually nearing that happy point of your life? Something bad just has to happen and slap you in the face. I'm abit grumpy right now, considering the fact that I haven't slept for more than 24 hours. I couldn't really sleep last night. I fell asleep for awhile last night and woke up at 1 in the morning~

Then I remembered that I was supposed to be on the phone with the BF. He was kinda asleep too, so yay...lucky me~ Things were ok and we talked and laughed and everything, but in the morning, when I finally fell asleep, my head started to mess with me. Nasty ass dreams...screwed up seriously. Realistic, but screwed up to the maximum.

I called Azmi up immediately and started bawling my eyes out cos I was...scared...*shut up* He comforted me and everything, then I don't know how the hell it happened, but then this topic came up and we had this stupid arguement. Now he's asleep cos he 'claims' that he didn't sleep the whole day, neither did I, you don't see me rolling around with a big ass migrane. I had to go grocery shopping with my grandmother in the morning!

Things didn't go too well with me today and I'm kinda hoping that tomorrow will actually boost up my mood cos I aint in the best shape to actually 'socialize' with people right now. Might actually scratch someone's face off. Not literally~

Life just doesn't actually seem to excite me anymore. Nothing interesting happens. Atleast college's gonna start soon and we'll see how that works out for me. I've felt like this before..once~ and I didn't like it. It feels as though the meaning of life just doesn't actually appeal to you anymore. I don't know why I suddenly feel this way right now, but its...the heart I guess. Maybe I need some sort of change. Something to turn me over and maybe change the way I think a little bit or give me something interesting in my life. A new hobby perhaps?

Its actually true when people say that without the bumps in life, it'll be hella boring. I actually do support that phrase right now. I have nothing to do lately and its driving me nuts. Its the same ol' routine everyday. The only interesting thing that happened was Valentine's Day and now its over. Some of my friends are going overseas to do their foundations and frankly speaking, I kinda envy them now. Atleast they get to experience something new, whereas I'm stuck here. 18 years of my life and its still the same study experience. Kinda bores me~

Hopefully this year won't be stressful. When I say a little bit of change, I do not mean extra pressure nor stress. Some of you may get what I'm talking about, some of you might not, but don't mind me. I'm just ranting my heart out so just let me (:

My grandmother actually brought me to the tailor just now to get my school uniform done and make 2 sets of baju kurung. I don't know why the sudden nice-ness, but oh well~ I aint complaining. One was purple and the other pink. Baju kurung looks nice on almost everybody. I have observed people who wear them and you can hardly spot anything wrong with it, unless it doesn't actually fit them or if the colour and pattern is horrific, but other than that....it looks great on everyone. Perfect fits.

I can't wait to see them after they're done. I feel like cleaning up my room right now. Aint got shit to do, so might as well start cleaning up my room right? Maybe sleep early tonight and do it tomorrow morning. Perhaps..perhaps.~ I just cleaned it up not too long ago actually, but knowing the clutz I am and the mess I love making when I rush....the neat-ness of it all just fades away in an instant.

Anyways, I gotta go call the BF up. So til tomorrow....ciao bello :)

&&life as it seems

Valentine's Day (: oh so sweet

2009-02-14T06:42:00.000-08:00

Today's Valentine's day and it was the best. BF took me to his place and set up a really nice lunch..candle lit~ Haha..it was in the afternoon though..but he closed the curtains and it was dark, so it kinda set the ambience. We had sushi and he gave me my presents. I felt soo bad cos all I did was make him a card. A really nice one! Haha, I put alot of work into it.

He put alot of work into the whole thing. I can tell from the eyebags. We watched the Grudge 3 together and yeah, the whole day was just perfection! It was so sweet of him to do everything. I'm really looking forward to our anniversary this year.

Anyways, college will be starting soon, so bye bye holiday :( Gonna get my uniform done tomorrow. I wonder how I'll look in a tudong though. Kinda nervous about orientation too. From what I heard, orientations are not enjoyable for most people. Makes me cringe just thinking about it, but oh well, gotta get through it anyways.

This year is all about cramming and stress. Haha cos I stupidly took like 4 subs and plus one Eng GP, so all together 5 which sucks ass. Hopefully I pass everything this year and get either an A or a B on my GP so I can drop it next year. Eng Litt is enough for me...its bad enough I'm taking Maths which I got a C6 during my O's mind you. I'm just really nervous for college. But its all in the experience and it'll come to good use in the future.

I really do miss my time in Singapore though. Oh the countless nights I've stayed up smoking and smoking and going online without being bothered at all. I loved it there. Everything was just light and carefree. Especially when the BF went over there and shopped around with me. Seriously, I could wake up whenever I wanted to and sleep whenever I wanted to. Go anywhere I wished to go. Hopefully I get to go to Uni there over at NUS.

Anyways~ I'll stop here now. Gonna watch True Blood :p GREAT ass series! Love it love it~

Sorta like Twilight, but EXPILICIT haha and more intense. Twilight's not really the movie for me haha. But anyways..ciao bello :)

&&V'day 08

how things change

2009-02-07T22:54:00.000-08:00

Hey readers~ I'm backkk..haven't blogged for awhile.

But anyways~ Good news is, I passed my O's *big grin* and I'm going into MD....bad news is, my past is catching up on me.

College was actually taking a toll on me at one point, as in I didn't wanna go into that college, but my mom, being the 'type' that she is...forced me to go into JIS which I don't want to. They've already started school in January so its too late now, so I'm going into MD instead. Went to MD to hand in my applications and choose subjects, and unfortunately the Mrs had to drag along.

She kept nagging at me to take History, when my interests are not even on being a lawyer at all!! Everytime she just nags at me for choosing sociology as one of my form 6 subs. Its my interest right?? I really don't get the fact that she wants me to finish her so-called 'dream' of being a lawyer or a doctor. Please~~~ I'm not the type who loves history and science, so both of those are out of the way.

Other than college, I've been looking through some of the universities that I intend to go to after college and I found NUS (National University of Singapore) and it seems pretty cool. Loads of subjects to choose from and not to mention, a huge ass campus. One thing's for sure though, I have to work extra hard to get in there. From what I know, they don't accept students just like that. Its pretty hard to get in there. Singapore always has high standards...Its their way of life.

I just got back from my great-grandma's house...~~ Chinese New Year celebrations are still on. Trust me its very tiring. The endless dinners and lunches with the family and other relatives can get really boring. I'm actually kinda looking forward to college. Its been pretty boring just laying around the house and the same ol' routines every day. It gets kinda dull as time goes on. I'm really not the type who likes change, but a little bit now and then is needed sometimes.

Damn, talking about college, I haven't got my school uniform done yet. Anyone know where I can get my MD school uniform done???? :(

I went over to my boyfriend's house yesterday...It was fun~ Watched DVDs together and got to spend time with each other. The only thing sucky about it was going home :( Seriously, I wish that there was actually one night where we can actually sleep in the same bed and wake up to see each other's faces. Ahh...pure heaven :) But that time will come one day. All I can do now is wait for it.

The sweetest thing by far that he did for me was actually drag his family along with him to Singapore just so he can spend time with me there. His dad actually said no, but he didn't stop asking til his dad just gave up and gave in to the suggestion. It was sooo fun. Hopefully, we'll do that again soon.

neways...im off...tired as hell..ciao bello :)

&&things i think of...thoughts i just hide

Chinese New Year!!!

2009-01-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

Damn I just got home....just got my hair done. Its like 9.33pm already and I just got home. I'm friggin exhausted right now. I only slept for like 2 hours last night. Maybe less I think. I went to sleep at 5am then woke up around 7.50am. I don't know what's gotten into my body. I was sitting in the saloon just now wanting to faint cos its so damn stuffy in there and my eyes felt like they were gonna pop out.

But its all worth it. Gotta look good for Chinese New Year hehe. Having open house, so I'm guessing that its gonna be as hectic as last year. First day is always the worst. Everyone running around the house screaming for drinks and food. Loads of people waiting outside the gate. If you're not used to seeing that, it can seem pretty scary haha. I personally find it frustrating cos my parents are gonna be all grumpy cos of the stress of it all. I will be left to following orders and entertaining all the guests when needed.

But doesn't it get annoying though when you bump into those so-called 'uncles' and 'aunties' who have seen you like just a few months ago, then suddenly say things like: "Wah! So big already ah...Big girl already ah.." or "Why you so tall now? Last time saw you, still very small leh" and the most aggrivating one...(usually asked by the nosey ones) "So how's your results ah? Do you think you'll pass? Where you planning to go to school?....."<------trust me this one will NEVER end. It will feel like forever.

Why the hell would they need to ask things like that?? Annoys the crap outta me sometimes. Seriously....its like a snakepit among my family and relatives. Everyone fighting for territory, trying to sabotage one another with gossips and such. It gets very annoying especially cos they always make me their main target. So what if I didn't get into Maktab Sains? So what if I'm not 'their type' of person? Their kids wanna stay at home and bury their faces in their books, its their own problem. I don't like staying at home and I hate keeping my face in between my books all the time.

Atleast I'm street smart and book smart. Its all in the balance. :) Oh well, I was born into this family so I guess I'm gonna have to just suck it up and stop being a baby. Like I always do.

I really hope this year's Chinese New Year will be a good one though. I haven't really bought all my clothes yet, but I'll buy them soon. All I need right now is a good manicure. Thinking of getting gel extensions. My mom knows this really good manicurist who does home service. Problem is, how am I supposed to take it off? I googled it and it said to soak it in acetone. Well there's two types. The normal nail polish remover which is acetone mixed with some other chemicals and the pure acetone one, which is used to remove gail extensions.

My mom said she did it before and she said that it took her ages to look for someone who could actually take it off for her cos she tried looking for the same manicurist again, but she was always busy with other clients. My mom went all over to search for a nail parlour which provides this service, but none of them, not even Nail Artz had the remover thingy. I mean....its kinda ridiculous....NAIL ARTZ....name says it all, but service? Nyeh...not really good.

They handled my nails very roughly. For those who have done manicures before, you should know that there's always the part where they use this rough thing and sort of polish your nails so they look nice and shiny right? She used it and fucking cut my cuticle. It was quite deep, very very painful also. It was actually bleeding and she didn't even apologize. She just said that my cuticles were very dry and I needed treatment. I think it was like $60 or something. Bitchy....never going back there ever. Rather go to my mom's. Gentler handling....

They don't even provide full nail service there. Nail arts now consist of acrylic or gel extension. They should have that. I would pay alot for that cos gel extensions are popular in Singapore and Japan and Taiwan as well....all the Japanese-influenced countries. They look really good too. Unfortunately all they do is draw on your nails and stick stones on them which cost a fortune. I give props to them though cos they can use their creativity to create a new design for you, but still....more training needed I guess.

Just a mild reminder, whoever who owns Nail Artz or is associated with them, please excuse the insults. Not defamation...Its ranting. I need to rant! Haha Anyways...I think I'm gonna get my nails done on Thursday and I shall go to bed now cos I'm sleepy as hell. So nights peoples!!! Ciao bello

&&157....he is perfection

Major Boredom and Rants?

2009-01-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

Hello Readersss! :) I'm so bored right now. Just woke up at like 7 plus in the evening just now. Was really tired. Had a mild case of food poisoning earlier, so loss of water plus bad tummy ache=passing out. I can't believe O level results are coming out soon. I really hope I pass cos the amount of cash I spent during my holidays, I better pass or I'm sure as hell not gonna see the outside world for quite some time. Hopefully if *touch wood* ok never mind...I'm not even gonna say it.

Hopefully my parents will be a bit more understanding. Boyfriend's not gonna go to college next year I guess. Seeing as though he missed like one of his exams this year, he decided that collge wasn't for him and I do respect his decision. College isn't for everybody...not if you live in Brunei. haha. I've had loads of friends who got work just with their O level results. As long as you have 3 O's, then you're all good. He's gonna look for a job I guess, don't know where yet.

I just realised my ciggies are almost kaput again...Hate the task of buying them now...I know I should really quit, but you guys should know that you can't quit straight away right? Atleast I'm already cutting down on them. I still remember, some retard once told me that it's bullshit to say that you'll die earlier if you quit cold-turkey style,meaning no ciggies at all. Well its a damn fact. If you quit just like that as in completely cut off your cigarettes, you're more likely to get cancer and other diseases. It wont show in a month or that soon, but give it like 8 months or so and the effects will show. Breathing will start to hurt your chest, stamina will be lost and things like that.

Its cos your body has already adapted to the nicotine in the cigarettes, and the lack of nicotine in your body just makes your body go haywire. Its like rehab, but no medical help. That's why some people get nicotine gum or patches, so whenever you have an urge to seriously smoke, put the patch on or chew the gum. My uncle has the gum, but I've never tried it. Bet it tastes like normal gum though, I don't really know.

In Singapore they do have smoking consultations and all that By now most of you will have questioned me on why I can't just get myself a nicotine patch or gum. Well my answer is, I don't know the side effects yet. I can't just get it from a pharmacy. I trust doctors in hospitals and clinics more than the ones in pharmacies actually. Its just me. And plus, I don't think they'll just simply give me the nicotine patches and gums. I'm under 18 for god's sake. In their head, I'm not even supposed to be smoking. Well thank Brunei then.

Singapore's kinda strict on the whole smoking thing, they've actually raised prices on the cigarettes. In Brunei, Marlboro is only $3.10, Singapore.....$11.50~ Ridiculous I know, but that's what you get for being a smoker I guess. Government just sucks up your cash. Since the economy crisis, everything became more expensive. Jobs are no longer an easy thing to keep nor find. Even in the newspaper, its said that people in Singapore mostly visit psychiatrists or therapists. That is how stressful life is for them now. Even the electricity, water and oil prices have gone up.

My grandparents live in Singapore, so I've heard them talk about the rising in prices. Its seriously rediculous the way people manage things here now. Even when you buy a simple thing like chicken rice, the amount of rice is so much, but the amout of chicken meat is so little. If you want more meat, you gotta pay an extra amount which is usually not cheap either. Living in HDB flats here is already considered lucky cos they're not cheap either. But oh well, small country, BIG population and that's what happens.

My day today was uneventful. Didn't have anything to do. Stayed home the whole day. I've been sleeping really late these few days. Messaging with Azmi and surfing the net. I plan to start new this year, change the way I look at my responsibilities. First, I really need to get my parents to treat me like an adult. That way I can start accepting my responsibilites. I'm turning 18 for crying out loud. I can't keep living by their rules. I need to live life on my own now, start taking off the training wheels. I know I messed up once, but hey..mistakes happen so you can learn from them.

I just tried my new Maybelline gel liner and let me tell you, its really really good. It seriously doesn't smudge and its completely waterproof so if you're out the whole day or working, you wont end up with racoon eyes at the end of the day. Its in a small pot. I would put up the picture, but I don't have my camera with me right now. To apply it, you have to use this brush which comes with the small pot of eyeliner. It just glides smoothly across your eyelids when you apply it. There's the mascara also, which works really well too, but I shall stop talking about this haha. Its just me overtyping~

My body's clock is just going haywire. I'm still in 'Italy' time. Maybe I should move there...I mean, not counting the pickpockets, everything is good. Beautiful sceneries and people, good food and ALOT of shopping. Switzerland aint bad either, its more to the serene, peaceful kind of environment. The country where some of the most expensive watches were made. People usually travel there to buy watches for either luxury or investment. Can you believe it? Watches can actually be used for investments.

Fact is the prices of a good watch, like Rolex, Tag Heuer or Breitling, go up by around 10% every year. That's what they told us, and frankly speaking I kind of agree with them too. Its like antique stuff. Wasn't that valuable in the past, but as you can't find it anywhere anymore at this time and age, collectors will pay alot and I mean ALOT of money to pay for these things. Same goes for watches I guess. I got myself a few watches there also. Watches there are usually much cheaper and are Swiss made, meaning, you can't find them anywhere else in the world other than Switzerland itself.

In Italy though, shopping is meant for branded goods like Gucci, Salvatore Ferragamo, Versace and stuff like that. Brands which are actually from Italy. Other brands will do just as well too as Milan, Italy is famous for its fashion and stuff, but its more worth it to buy Gucci or Louis Vuitton or Prada there cos their collections are all of the latest ones, some of which you can't find anywhere else in the world yet. I know by now, I may seem like I have expensive taste and shit, but I really can't help it but to be interested in all these things. The designs there are just out of this world. I got myself this beautiful piece from Gucci. FIRST ever Gucci bag. Very Very Very happy I actually got it! Haha.

Initially I wanted this other bag from Gucci's Tattoo Heart collection, but I figured, why not buy one which isn't out in stores yet. Azmi saw it and he actually taught me how to tell if a bag is fake or not. Its simple actually, but there are alot of ways, so I really don't wanna type it all down~

I'm planning to buy a new wallet soon. Possibly one from like Billabong or something. I don't wanna be covered in branded shit. Its kinda tacky to do that. I don't know...I mean you can buy them, but I prefer putting them on my body in moderation, or it will really look as if you're trying too hard. Not a model nor a superstar so don't.

What I realised though is that, most people I've seen along the streets, carry fake shit and it sometimes get on my nerves how tacky it looks. I mean, you CAN buy them, but why can't buy the ones that actually look atleast a little bit real? The tacky ones make the real ones look really bad. It sometimes makes those who are carrying the actual authentic bags or purses, get mistaken for carrying fake ones. Its fucking annoying really.

For those who usually judge without even thinking, they'll sometimes mistake a fake one for the authentic one and vice versa which irritates the shit outta me. If you have no knowledge in judging shit, then just don't do it and shut up. I've hung out with people like that before and its so tempting to correct them, but I'll just shut up. Don't really like drama.

My mom's been bugging me to get braces and I really don't know if I should or not. It seems like a painful process. Food gets stuck in your teeth...You can't kiss well...It hurts...Have to make regular trips to the dentist and if it suits your face, then good for you, but if it doesn't you might end up looking like Ugly Betty with a big fat sign on your forehead saying 'Metal Mouth'.

I've recently started reading the novel of the ever famous movie, Twilight. The starting doesn't really catch my attention. I don't know about the rest of it though. Anyways, I'll end it here. Watching Hannibal on tv. Gotta love it haha. Til thenn...ciao bello

&&keep waitin love..keep waiting

2009-01-07T14:21:00.001-08:00

cant get over u - Secret

That's my ultimate heartbreak song. Seriously, you want heartbreaking songs?? Search for Martin Kember on Imeem. I swear he has so many heartbreak songs that I really don't think he's ever had a perfect relationship. Weird~

Well I'm really bored right now. Have nothing to do still. I slept at like 8 just now in the morning. Yes I couldn't sleep the whole night and I still can't believe that I actually thought today was Thursday. I was really really looking forward to Thursday and yes there's ofcourse a reason for it, which I will not disclose yet. Imagine my dissapointment when someone online decided to 'enlighten' me. I didn't believe it til I turned on the tv and saw the date.

Oh well...Its just one more day~ And my ciggies are almost kaput. I really need one right now so badddd. Its a craving thing. I don't think people know that I've actually changed my blog address haha. Oh well, they'll know it soon somehow. It's approximately 29 and a half hours til the time of Thursday that I'm so impatiently waiting for. Don't worry peoples, I'll blog about it soon in a post.

*sigh* how time flies huh. Its finlly 2009. Its a new start for a lot of people, and for some, maybe just another plain year to get older. For me, its a chance for change and to leave bad memories behind. 2008 was kind of a sucky year. I'm hoping that 2009 would change it. Year of the Cow. Hmm...should buy one of those astrology or those chinese feng shui books. Haha I know some of yall think its stupid to believe those things, but hey, its not like I follow it or trust it completely. Its more like a precaution..or guideline perhaps.

Oh talking about pasts, I still remember alot of my dramas actually. See, thing bout me is, I really don't forget things or people easily. It can be a curse sometimes cos I can't forget the bad memories either. There are quite a number of things I actually wanna forget in life, but no matter what I do, they will never go away. Even my boyfriend has this issue as well. But we all have to get over these issues someday. Eventhough if we can't forget it, atleast be over it. Take it as a lesson learnt. Shit, life is all bout bumps. All we gotta do is get through em.

Without the mistakes, how could we ever learn from them? And I've heard before time and time again that living is just the beginning of everything. Oye my autosaved just failed so lets just hope my connection doesn't screw up cos I would lose this whole post. What the hell is wrong with it. Anyways, yeah...life's too damn short to go round being sad and stuff. We should be enjoying it, chasing after our dreams.

I just don't get how some people start hating life and saying that its just plain suffering and its hard just to live. Well if everything was all perfect then life would be boring as hell. There was a period of time where I actually asked for a normal life without any drama and issues. It happened, I got what I wanted, but damn I was bored out of my damn mind. I felt like my life just had no meaning at all. Like I wasn't doing anything with it. The same old routine everyday can get boring real fast. I hate change, but little changes are good at times.

I've had people come up to me saying that they wanna kill themselves just cos of a simple problem that could've been solved by the help of the people around them or by themselves even. Its really stupid to throw away your life just like that for something so simple that you could've overcome. I understand where some people are coming from though. Some problems are just too complicated to solve and it'll take a long ass time. But hey, once you get it solved, the feeling of satisfaction is heaven.

Enemies of last year, some have become friends with me now and we've settled our differences and worked things out, some are still one of the many people who hate me, but hey...that's life. Not everyone will like you. I don't really pay them no mind. They wanna hate then they can waste their lifetime hating. This year I shall aim to hold down the drama and handle things with a much more different approach, but ofcourse if things get outta hand then I will have to unleash the angry part of me and everyone knows that it aint good. Especially my close friends, they know me.

Yay its finally thursday already. 6.17am. Haha I'm blogging early in the morning. Can't sleep. My clock's been rewinded it seems. Anyways, I'll get my butt to bed and end this post here. Ciao bello

&&thursday how I've waited...dear god pls make it really close to perfect...

2009 n I'm BACK! (:

2009-01-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

Look out world, its 2009. Shit, time passes by so quickly. My New Year's was not that good, not really gonna go into detail cos I'm just too tired to blog so much right now. Slept at 6 in the morning and woke up at 8. Seriously I don't know how I do it. At home, you can't wake me up for shit if I slept for 2 hours only and even if you did, I would wanna go back to bed again. Now it's completely different. Its like my body just said no to extra sleep. I have no idea how the hell it happened...

My whole holiday was pretty much mediocre. Once again I won't go into detail. I realised I haven't blogged for so long and decided to blog now. There's not much I wanna blog about right now other than the fact that it is scorching hot down here. I'm sweating my brains out!

I recently talked to a friend about her issues and it kinda made me raise an eyebrow and think. The situation goes like this. *real names have been replaced to protect his/her privacy*:

Well , it kinda started when Nad hung with these two guys, Shaf and Addy last...two weeks I think. She told me the whole story after she hung out with them. Both these guys are kinda...well you can call them players, but I prefer the term 'romantically confused'. Both of em, I do know and have hung out with as well, so I kinda know the way they roll.

Shaf is more of the 'I'm frontin like I got game, but I actually do have feelings' type and Addy's more to the 'I really don't know what I'm looking for, so I'll just go for everything' type. Either way it just sucks. Shaf's supposedly close friends with Nad, but Addy just got to know her. Her's 'heard' about her I guess, but has never really met her before.

Well they all hung out and what she told me was Addy got a little too close to her. He started to brush up on her and tried to walk close to her and you know, those kind of corny stunts guys pull sometimes. I personally think its kinda cute in a puppydog sorta way, but anyways...~

Both of us thought it was a one time thing considering the fact that he was actually a player. It's really not hard to believe actually. But yeah, he has a girlfriend mind you. So I told her to butt out. And she actually did, til he started to text her through MSN. He then started to text her, and actually confessing to being her stalker. I know its weird, but we all make stupid comments sometimes. (:

Now he's saying that he likes her and all that. I mean its fine if he likes her, not saying that its wrong or anything cos the heard wants what the heart wants right? But seriously, its really not fair to pull someone into your drama. He has a girl, what if she finds out about his crush on Nad?

See this is where I start to think. She asked me for a solution and all I can possibly give her is to keep her distance til he calms his dog-ass down and think. Seriously, he has messed up so many relationships and I really don't know how long his so-called 'streak' will last. Everybody who reads this blog should understand what I went through in 2007 after I realised that my 'playgirl ways' were stupid.

Unfortunately for him.....karma's taking its on sweet time on his cheatin ass. The longer karma waits, the more pain it'll give you in the future. Seriously I thought he changed and kinda hoped that he would cos I don't want him going through half the shit I went through, but hey...he's an adult. He'll take the consequences.....hopefully~~

He just hasn't found the one yet I guess. That's why he's so confused. Different people deal with their confusion in different ways and that's ofcourse a known fact. So he deals with it in his own way. By wandering around and trying different types of girls, but what he doesn't know is, by doing this....you won't even know that you've found the one yet til you actually lose that person because of YOUR mistake.

See now that's the consequence to these flava-tasters. They won't know what good a companion they've got til they actually lose that person and when they do, there's gonna be only a 30% chance that they're gonna get them back and 2nd time relationships are not easy, trust me. Take it from someone who's been through it. Trust is like a precious vase. Once shattered, even though you patch or stick the pieces back together, there's still gonna be cracks and small missing pieces. It'll take a really long time to actually patch things back together again and rebuild that trust. And the relationship won't be the same anymore, but that's the price you have to pay. Its a take it or leave it situation.

But hey...he's got his own decision to make don't we all? ;) I've made mine and I'm happy with it. I do miss my old ways sometimes cos they used to be fun, but its really not worth it. To lose a potential life partner? Pfft. Never lose the good things and I'm sticking to that motto. A commited relationship aint easy, but honestly tell me, in life...what's easy? Nothing is. It may seem easy at first, but as it goes towards the climax moment, it isn't gonna be that way anymore.

At first, I used to think that going out all the time and not being commited was an easy thing to do and that it would be pure fun, but yeah, as it went towards the ending, the so-called climax moment, it turned out the wrong way. Not the way I planned it would end up like. At that moment I realised that life is not always like you planned. My parents recently talked about how us teenagers nowadays have everything planned out for us by our own folks. I thought to myself, why the hell would we wanna go through life their way when we could do it our way?

We should be able to live our life the way we want to live it. It is ours right? I mean, we all have our own rights, right? If we don't wanna do this, then we won't. They can't just plan everything ahead and not keep us in the loop then turn right around and simply tell us to just walk their route blindly. They can guide us...but there's a limitation to everything. How I wish they could just hear my thoughts sometimes, maybe then they wouldn't see me as what they see me now.

Anyways, I've said enough (: Oh btw readers, whatever blabber you see on this blog, please don't take it to heart and you don't have to follow any of this. It's really based on my opinions and my point of view. You don't have to agree with everything. Any of your opinions matter as well too so please please feel free to drop them onto the cbox.

Oh oH oH!! To all of my friends, and ex form 5 SAS seniors, pls pls pls keep in contact. God I'll miss you guys :( Some of you who are going overseas take careeee!! AND HAPPY NEW YEAR (:

ciao bello

&&2009 1 yr 8 months and counting

1 l0v3 y0u MD.NORAZMI

P.S:Sorry for the stupid spacing at the first few paragraphs. Technical difficulties...go figure~

HELLO READERS!

2008-12-09T03:31:00.000-08:00

Hellooooo people!! Haha..haven't been blogging for so long. Tried, but ended up pulling it back..didn't really have the time. Been working a lot! O levels was stressful. Don't know if I'm gonna do well or not. Hoping I do though~

Life has been pretty much a bore nowadays. Nothing interesting happens. There are some dramas at home as usual, but I'm sooo lazy to blog about em cos apparently, I think 'she' found my blog. Aint specifyin who, just guess (:

The boyfie & I have been doing well. He's gone through some changes and so have I. We were actually on the verge of falling apart one time, but we managed to work past it. Arguments have kinda became 'our thing'. Weird, yes I know.

I'm leaving for Singapore on the 20th I think. Will be going to Italy, Switzerland and Paris for holidays on the 22nd. Hoping that it'll all go well. But before that, its the never-enjoyable...vaccination shot. Damn I make it sound like a shot for dogs or something~ Haha.

Well its this shot my parents and I get every year before going to a far away country. It's to prevent bugs that we might catch overseas. I'm terrified of needles...

Atleast I don't run away from the doctor anymore...haha. I used to squirm around on the chair until my parents hold me down. Its embarassing really, don't even know why I'm talking about this here. Haha.

I have stumbled upon....all hail...BABY PHAT'S WEBSITE!!!!!!! Absolutely love baby phat's items. They're all so....fab..~ haha..Sadly, it can't be found in Brunei nor Singapore nor in KL, so I'll just settle for juicy couture. It has its very own shop in Singapore, so yeah (:

Oh a piece of advice for all the readers out there. If you're thinking of working as a clerk or whatever in 'an office'...better get that thought outta your head right now. Lemme be the first to tell you that it isn't enjoyable. I have to endure sitting there from 9 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon. I do get lunch sometimes, but I really can't be bothered. Haha. Rather eat when I get home. Don't really fancy going out in the middle of work. Destroys my concentration.

I was actually out for breakfast with my parents this morning and the topic of 'when am I going to Singapore' came up and to my disappointment, I'll be going with my mom on the 20th~My dad aint letting me go there alone anymore. Why? Simple, they're afraid of me going out alone. Hello! I'm not 10 anymore. Its like the older I get, the more protective they are of me. I know that they're worried for me, but they have to let me breathe. I feel like I'm getting suffocated here.

I have to blame myself partly though for my past mistakes. Maybe if I wasn't such a bad kid last time, or learned to be a bit more cunning, I wouldn't have ended up in this position. I'm actually not blaming them fully for all the protective shit, but hey, they're partly responsible for it too right? You grab on to a kid to tightly, they're bound to let everything loose someday. I'd rather, them letting go a bit at a time.

Kids are like balloons...blow em up too much and they'll just pop. Hold on to them too tightly, they'll pop too. Just the right amount of air and grip will do. Not too little and Not too much. As for now, I'll just leave it as this (: ciao bellos.

&&crash this beetch (:

THIS IS ME AND MOI FEELINGS! (:

2008-09-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

These are the things I treasure in life. The hapiness, the love and the man. The man I cherish the most with my life. This will be a seriously mushy post so if you're sensitive to these kind of things then I suggest you NAVIGATE AWAYYY now (:

Cos I'm pulling no stops in this. I'm just gonna speak my mind and trust me, after watching the movie P.S I LOVE YOU, I'm totally in THAT mood right now. The one where you just need that one person to just be by your side and stay the night with you, then wake up in the morning and the first person you see is him..right by your side.

I wish I could just have that, just for one fucking day. But...it'll be a long ass time before that happens I guess, taking the fact that I can't really sleepover anywhere. God, it's been like 1 yrs and 4 months already and I'm looking forward to the 2nd annie, and the 3rd and 4th...and yeah, you get it.

I know some of you guys, especially Michael *ehem* would tell me not to take these things so seriously, but how can you not when you're totally in love with that one person? That one person that you've been waiting for your whole life, well 16 years actually for me. Haha. Gots to be specificccc (:

I seriously cried while watching the movie, it's like every scene had to make me cry. There isn't a movie that I've seen in my life that could actually make me cry so much. I cried so badly that I actually called Azmi and cried to him. He was so worried and didn't know what was going on til I told him. All the shit I had to go through actually led me to this beautiful man who takes care of me sooo well. He's my guardian angel and nothing in the world can ever change that. There were numerous times where I actually questioned my relationship with him cos I thought that things were going to fast and getting too serious, but he proved to me that as long as you're in a relationship with someone whom you are sure that'll love you and cater to your needs whenever and wherever, you are sure to have a happy ending.

He makes everything seem perfect. Azmi's not perfect, but I'm able to look over his imperfections and focus on all the things he has done for me. He's a wise man who guides me through so many of my obstacles in life..He's all I've ever wanted in a man actually. Everytime I think about how it would be like to lose him, I just start shedding tears. God..I never thought that the one perfect soulmate that I've been searching for all my life has been right here splat in Brunei..~

I do admit that sometimes I just wish that I had my own space and freedom, but you know...I guess it's all worth it. *sigh*

Anyways..haha I shall end this mushy post before neone starts puking haha..ciao bellooo

&&157 I am Loving This Boy and his name is MD.NORAZMI

Hate changes...

2008-09-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

Have you guys ever reached that point of your life where you suddenly feel like your life has just become so boring, yet so complicated? It's like two bad things pinpointing at you all at once. It's scary. I have finally reached this point. How do I know? Well I was on the way to tuition and it just hit me. It's like I usually look forward to the day ahead of me...but when I thought about it in the car just now, the feeling just hit me. I just felt so bored with my life and it's like nothing interesting happens around me anymore.

Last time, everyday used to be like fun and laughter...screaming and destruction sometimes, but all in good fun. Now it's just so...blah~ I don't know what's going on. My tuition place changed all their schedules to the afternoon cos of puasa, school's boring..nothing happens at home..go out..who do I see and what do I get to do? Hang around with my bestie and my boyfriend. Gawd...my life has officially turned plain boring. I admit I do miss my notorious ways at times like this. Yeah, I got hell for it, but it was so much fun. Hectic and messed up, but fun.

I used to have all the freedom I want. I went out with whoever I wanted to at anytime and to anywhere. I got to do and wear whatever I want without any worries. Now...yeah, I have a boyfriend who's as controlling as my dad...worse actually. I don't wanna say this, but sometimes being in a long-term relationship can really drag the fun-ness of life down, but as long as he treasures me and atleast tries to make an effort, I'm sure things will turn around soon. (:

I went to tuition in the afternoon just now at 2pm and I was pretty cranky that time, I don't know why, but I just was. Maybe it was because I wasn't used to the time change. Tuition used to be in the night and I used to have so much fun in the afternoon, without any worries. Now with Azmi's new job and my tuition schedule, it's so hard for me to make time to go out and have fun. It's stupid...I hate this.

And to top it all off, I think I'm gonna get the flu. I've been sneezing so much lately and having stuffed noses all day. I have no idea why the hell everything's turning bad. Maybe it's me..I don't really know. All I know is, I'm just really frustrated with how things are going right now with my life. I have my Malay Oral Exams this Monday..or was it Tuesday..goddamn it!!!! See..even my brain refuses to function!

I'm having such a bad bad day~ By the time I got to Physics tuition just now in the afternoon, I was so frustrated that I actually ended crying in Azmi's arms during break time (thank god my tutor was kind enough to give me 15 minutes break, eventhough I wasn't supposed to have one).

We laughed about it in the end though cos it was kinda funny. The whole scenario consisted of me running to the stairs and just plopped my ass on the floor and cried like a child in distress. I was literally crying out for help. I just couldn't take it anymore. There's just too much shit on my mind that I can't really focus on just one problem and solve it. Everything's just piling up on me. O levels are coming soon and I'm trying not to panic here, but after seeing the results of my mock exam, you can't blame me for being a panic-freak here.

Hell, I do not wanna fail my O's. Get to college and get to Uni. That's it. That's my plan and I'm gonna do it no matter what it takes. I don't care if it means me going ~~suicidal~~ from all the pressure and stress, I'm gonna do it.

God...the boredom...tomorrow's Sunday...tuition in the morning, tuition in the afternoon...yayyy...*sense the sarcasm* God help me...

Anyways...Azmi's calling me again~

I'll blog again tomorrow. ciao bellos.

&&oh the boredom

*NJ*I'm sorry..

2008-09-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Here's todays playlist..TOP 5 on my list today (:

Whats Your Name [Feat. Will.I.Am] - Usher

Cant Believe It (Feat. T-Pain) - Lil Wayne

One Step At A Time (Remix) (feat. Beyond Belief) - Jordin Sparks

Can We Get Back - Bobby Tinsley

Baby Boy - Big Brovaz

Drama time and potato chips (:

2008-09-04T06:29:00.000-07:00

I am currently watching Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency and eating Cottage Fries potato chips with 0% trans fat! Whatever that means~ Today was interesting. There was quite a bit of drama in school just now. The story? I don't really know it in full detail, but all I know is one of my classmates, Wendy accused a number of my friends for spamming her blog, but her main suspect was Zaimah. It's already kind of wrong to simply just suspect her for spamming her blog, but she started to spread rumours as well to other people that Zaimah and her other friends were spamming her blog.

I mean, why in hell's name would she do that? That was a really..I don't know if I should say it, but fuck it, it was a really bitchy move. If you don't know who the person really is, don't spread rumours around and tell everyone that it was that one person. It's a really bad move and it'll surely get you into a lot of shit.

Too bad for Wendy, she got to feel the wrath of Zaimah. I mean she brought it onto herself. Zaimah was pissed and went to look for her during recess. She told Wendy that she would look for her afterschool. It was kinda funny actually cos when I called Wendy to go out of class, she looked so happy and creepily preppy. Then she saw Zaimah and her face just turned into this hot mess! Haha. It went from 'oh-so-happy-lil-monkey' to 'oh-shit-i-think-i-just-shit-myself'.

Haha. That was the funny part. The no-so-funny part was after school. Zaimah did confront her and I didn't really get there when it all started. I got there when Zaimah was alreay really really pissed off. Seriously, I've never seen her that pissed off before. She was screaming and Wendy at first, gave her this hostile, bitchy look and then it turned into a red-eyed, crying-face look. She looked like she literally wanted to cry.

Zaimah asked her why she would suspect her, and maybe it was because she was with her current boyfriend, the councillor (I don't know how to spell his name, so I am not gonna put his name in here). Just as Zaimah said that, he came down the stairs and put up this whole boyfriend role. Wendy kept denying everything and gave excuses that really didn't make sense. You can actually tell that some of the things she said weren't true cos she was fidgeting and looking around while talking.

The whole thing ended with Zaimah walking away and screaming down the stairs. The whole thing ended with Zaimah saying, "She loves me so much, that's why she stalk me! CRAZY BITCH!" It was funny as hell. And props to Zaimah as well for the right description. We laughed about it in the canteen and talked about what happened. I was waiting for Azmi to pick me up from school as he was a bit late cos he was stuck in traffic.

The day went by smoothly after that, as usual, I went to his house and chilled out there til 3.30 and went home, took a shower and got ready cos we were gonna go to Gadong for sungkai. All was well, we had sooo much fun at the new Happy arcade which is on the third floor as well. The karaoke juke box there is wayyyy better than the one at the old arcade. Soo many new songs! I sung Leave by Jojo, Always be my baby by Mariah Carey and Touch my Body by Mariah Carey. To top it all off, the mics work perfectly!!! New mics. Not like the ones in the old arcade. And it isn't that crowded, so it's all good.

It has a lot of fun games also. One not so satisfying thing though, the DDR there is nottt updated! :(

But oh wells~~~

Anywayssss...this shall be it for today..til next time, ciao bello

&&sing you a lullabye

<3>

That's all I wanted..the stars and your love...

2008-09-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Emo title huh? Haha...I just thought of it so..what the heck, it'll be my title for this post. I'm currently listening to this band called 'This Beautiful Republic' and posting up this blog, using the laptop...The one which I haven't used in like forever..~

I'm not really feeling the whole fancy lettering and bold and stuff thing I usually do to my words today. Just a simple blog about today's happenings and my thoughts. It's like 1.09am right now and I'm tired as hell so don't expect much haha.

Puasa has started already and for all you guys who are puasa-ing now, you guys gotz to wake up in like about 3 hours timeeee....!!! (:

Anyways, today was pretty much alright. ALOT of confessions~ Mostly from me cos I ran into alot of people and events today that reminded me of my past. For example, at the foodcourt just now. I told Azmi that I went there for sungkai with one of his friends last year..we'll call him 'M'. M and his other friend bumped into me and my ex...Hakeem (some of you should now our so-called history), and we had sungkai there while I was hiding from Azmi...yeah I know, that was what I used to be, but thank God I changed.

I told Azmi and boy did he get pissed. He asked me why he didn't know about it and I told him that he should know how I was last year and trust that I won't do it again. After that episode, some guy from last time, popped up at the arcade while I was playing the drums and yeah, that ruined my whole mood cos Azmi knew him as well and asked me how I knew his friend and I told him. His friend..didn't actually know that I was with Azmi last year and kind of developed this crush on me.

He invited me to his house last year for Raya and it was just a friendly thing. We didn't do anything! It was just a normal visit and he had his friends over as well while I was there so it was just plain old innocent fun.

Azmi got all mental and said that he should've hit the guy when he had the chance. I have no idea why he gets so possessive and jealous at times. It's not like I liked the guy or something. The fact that I went to his alone for Raya, yeah that was wrong and I know that me going over there alone wasn't the right thing to do either. It's not like I'm gonna do it again either. Thank God Azmi cooled down after awhile and we went to Dixie Chicken for sungkai.

They had this all you can eat buffet for only $9.90 and the food was fantastic!!!! There wasn't anyone there at all too cos everyone thought the food there was shit, but it actually isn't~ It kinda improved over these past few months. Compared to before, the food tastes better now. Azmi said that it was the best place he has ever been for sungkai cos it was the most quiet place. He has this thing against noisy and crowded places. He hates noise and chaos...Ironically, most of the time he causes them...not the annoying type...the scary type, when he blows a blood vessel.

I've seen a fair share of these 'classic' moments, whenever we have a fight, yeah~ I just have to learn to shut up whenever he's pissed and stop fighting back, but how can I? It's my nature. I can't help but to fight back. I'm not the type of girl who just lets someone scream at me for some stupid reason and let them get away with it. I'm not the type of girl either who just lets some person say something I don't agree on without and arguement. That's usually how our fights start. A small arguement can turn into a full-fledged fight. No hitting involved ofcourse. Just a lot of things flying around the house and glass-breaking.

He throws a chair, I flip the table. He throws the ashtray, I throw the friggin glass.

That's how things roll. (:

It doesn't mean we don't love each other thought. We do. We just have to learn how to control our temper. We both have anger issues, so yeah. It's not usually a good thing in a relationship for both the boyfriend and girlfriend to be hardheaded, but can we help it? NOPE

We're made like that. Haha. Strange I know, but atleast we're not an abusive couple. We don't hit each other, unless it's just for fun like small little pinches on the cheeks or something. Sappy, yes I know, but it's all true. THANK GOD.

We know a few people who have abusive relationships such as one of our friends who is actually called 'the brutal couple'. They literally kick the shit out of themselves when they get into a fight. The boyfriend headbutts her and she still gets up and fight. Love and Hate relationship...weird, but sweet at the same time. Haha. Don't aske me how so, cos I can't really explain it.

God, I can't believe I have school tomorrow. I got back some of my Mock exam papers and trust me, now I know that I seriously need to step up my game. I failed most of them. So far no credits yet. I need to focus on the 5 subjects that I wanna score credit on. Like Geo, Physics, POA, English, Malay and my fallback will be either Maths or Biology. I think I can actually score a credit for Biology if I start studying more now. My tuition schedules have been all moved up the the mornings and afternoons cos of the Puasa month, so things should flow smoothly. Gives me enough time to study.

As I've been told many time before by various people, 'CRY FIRST, LAUGH LATER'.

Even my boyfriend told me that....Ugh..so it MUST be true~ Anyways, I'm going to bed now. 1.30am already and I have school tomorrow, so I'll blog again when I have the time ok? Til then...see you readers (: Don't forget to tag and link me. Gimme your link and I'll try to find time to link you guys.

ciao bello
Much love,xoxo

&&Baby, perfection defines you fully.

10.35pm

2008-08-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Damn..time is seriously moving real slow today. My day went fine..nothing much happened..except for the sudden heavy downpour just now in the morning at school. The whole morning was hot as hell then all of a sudden, dark clouds started to appear outta NOWHERE...(JUST LIKE THOSE THRILLER FLICKS...creepy yes i know) and the strong winds started.

Sharon was like saying she loved it and everything..bah who won't? The whole morning was HOT AS HELL!!! Even I loved it! Haha..The winds were so strong that the coconut trees outside around our school looked like they were gonna fly right outta the ground.

Our Geo teacher went all crazy on the strong winds by saying that it may be the tail of a nearbly cyclone or some crap like that (imagine the chances of THAT happening *scratches head*) and told us practically to not open the doors and even go near the windows. Over much? Haha

Then...yeah..my bladder had to just work at the wrong time! In the middle of it all, I had to go to the 'ladies room' cos i felt like my bladder was gonna burst. But...yeah..being the afraid-of-the-dark-little-girl that I am, I couldn't pull myself to the toilet all alone so I dragged Shar along. I stepped outta the AVA room and was like DAMN!!! The floors were wet as hell!!!

We went to the toilet and I did 'my thing' and went back to class and on the way there, God decided to spray us with some of the raining glory from up above. I was like "Oh shit, oh shit" and Shar was like "Oh shit oh shit" also. Then the rain got heavier and eventually our "Oh shit oh shit" turned into "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!!!!! RUN!!" Haha...we were getting soaked! We literally ran up the stairs...with Sharon screaming her ass off, making funny noises *crazy*...and thank godd...reached class.

After school, I went over to Azmi's house as usual and stayed there til like 3.30-ish and went home to get a bit of sleep and got ready to go to dinner with him, then tuition. God...my eyes were hurting since just now. They feel...hot..lol..I don't know any other words to describe this feeling. You know when you get a really bad flu and you go out into the sun and your eyes start to have this burning sensation? Yeah..I'm getting that exact feeling.

For those of y'all who don't know how this feels like...Go to any human being..who's having the flu ofcourse..and get em to sneeze on you or something...then the next day, when you actually get it..go out into the sun...yeahhh...you'll get what I'm talking about.

I don't know, maybe I'm just really exhausted. I didn't really get some sleep just now in the afternoon. Maybe for like 15 minutes only...but yeah...Tinkle kept me company. He cuddled up in my arms and fell asleep. It was effin sweet! He's adorable. Unlike Monster...who turned out to be a female by the way...ahahaha bitch!!! Hey it is not wrong to say it cos she literally is one (:

My whole body's achinggg...I think I'm getting sick or something cos these are usually the symptoms I get when I'm about to get sick. Maybe it's just panas dalam...but yeah...I hope I don't get sick..I can't stand getting sick. It gets me all cranky!

Anyways, I'm off to get some sleep cos I'm tired as hell. Azmi's calling me in awhile. Til tomorrow..or the next day..or the next..eheks

&&ciao bello (:

I'M IN LURVEEE...haha..aint it obvious? (:

sunday sunday..funday! i wish~

2008-08-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

Tunes on my playlist for today!!

Bounce Timbaland feat Dr. Dre and Missy Elliot
See You Again Miley Cyrus
Soulja Girl Soulja Boy
Dedebu Cinta Misha Omar
Close to You The Carpenters (Yeah I know..lame, old, whatever you say..but I LOVE it!)

Ok right now...my thoughts? Jumbled up... Feelings? ...ONCE AGAIN Jumbled up~

I really don't know what to blog about today. My day was pretty much boring. Azmi and I got into a bit of a tiff just now cos of the whole us showing to much 'PDA'

For those of you guys who live here, especially the malay population~ Should all know that PDA in Brunei is mostly a 'no-no' cos of the whole religion thing and all. Well Azmi...he yeah~ For those of y'all who know him well, you should know what kind of person he is right? And how amazingly stubborn and hot-tempered and rebelious and yeah~ the list could go on, but I shall stop here.

So..the security of the tuition centre (which will not be written here, for the risk of getting sued for defamation which is soooo common nowadays)..well he called me just now and asked me about the whole PDA thing and said that one of the parents complained about it when they sent their children there.

I mean...is he stupid or something?! We were down there and it wasn't kissing, it was a peck. Is that wrong? Well I guess yeah to them, but sorry not to me. But being the understanding person that I am, I have decided to just let them be and go by the rules of it all. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes, but I mean...the kids...they have the right to either follow or not, but heck, if they want me to live by their rules, so be it. I'll be outta that hell-hole by October anyways. But I would really appreciate it if Azmi would just go by it. It's just one damn rule and he can't even follow that?

I don't know why he always has to break the rules and be the rebel. I mean yeah, I'm glad he's stopped the drinking and the drugs, but god, sometimes I just wish he would stop breaking the rules. He doesn't get it sometimes that I'm not him, but I'm just..me. I can't brush through everything my way and act like the whole world bows down to my feet.

Nowadays, rules matter alot and without em, you just can't really go about things in your life. Yeah yeah, you guys must be saying now...'Just TALK to him and he'll understand. If you love him, you'll get through to him somehow.' HAH! tried that already! and guess what! it didn't work.

Don't worry though peoples, I am not giving up on him just yet. I love him with all my heart...maybe just a bit fed up with his rebellious attitude, but I'm never giving up on him.

Stupid? Maybe Lovestruck? DEFINITELY

Oh there's something I've been meaning to blog about! Have you ever heard a baby (noooo..not your 3 year old brother), like newborn or 1 to 2 years old kid, laugh?

Trust me it's the best SOUND YOU CAN EVER HEARRRRR!!!

Haha...seriously! It's like I just realised it just now while walking past this family at Hua Ho. I was in a foul mood cos of the whole tuition, PDA shit, but when I heard that baby laugh. God...I wanted to laugh too and I've realised that..that actually happens to me everytime. I asked Azmi why and he told me this. 'Cos a baby's laughter, is pure happiness as it hasn't been exposed to the imperfections of the world. A baby is pure and innocent'

I agree on that statement actually and for you, well you have the choice to either believe it or not (:

God that line was cheesy beyond belief. *sigh* Now I'm outta words. Lol. So yeah, I'll blog tonight again if anything interesting happens. And I bet the infamous Mrs Arul's gonna be nagging on my ass tomorrow cos of me skipping duty on Saturday~ Haha..wish me luck.

&&ciao bello..tomorrow's a new day.

>&&by ur side is where i'll be...

I LOVE YOU MD. NORAZMI...always will (: <3

Hey Hey!! (:

2008-08-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

I am....my feelings areee!!!! mediocre
Wondering why?! Cos things were a bit up and down today..first good..then bad...then good again..and vice versa..butttt most importantlyyy IT ENDED WELL!!! (:

Tunes on my fav list now areeee *cliche'd drumroolllll*:

Your Song Mayday Parade
7 Things Miley Cyrus
Wouldn't Get Far The Game feat Kanye West
Ching-a-Ling Missy Elliot feat Jay-Z
Me, Myself and I Beyonce Knowles

As you guyssss should know by now~ My music goes according to my mood. Sometimes rock, sometimes hip-hop and yeah you know shit like that (:

First thing's first.....get ready....I GOT ACCEPTED FOR MY SCHOOL'S TALENTINEEE FOR SOLO SINGING!!!! *jumpssss*screams* wheee =D

Yes I am happy as hell! Haha..I didn't really think I would make it cos there was loads of competitors, but now that I'm through, I'm happy! Haha. Now just to make it through the real day which is gonna be at the end of the month. I'm still searching for the guitar chords for my song. If I can't find em then I guess I'll have to change my song which i HATE by the way cos it's sooo troublesome~

I've recently realised that my studies have been going waaayyy down cos I've been spending too much time away from my books. I'm just a bit fed up with all the studying I guess, but I'm just waiting to get mocks overwith and enjoy a bit of the holidays, then back to the books for my O levels.

Gawd, why does studying have to be so hard? :(

Azmi and I went to watch The Mummy 3 just now...well it isn't actually called the mummy 3...I kinda ermm forgot the tile *smacks forehead* I've been really forgetful these past few days. Don't really know why. Haven't been paying much attention to things. Have been dreaming a lot these past few days as well. Not dreaming as in sleep dreaming, but like you know spacing out.

Anywaysss~ I'll continue maybe tomorrowww....alright? i'm off to bed!!! nightssss

12.26pm and jobless

2008-07-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Tunes on my fav list now:

Bust it Baby Plies feat Ne-Yo
Bust it Baby Part 3 Plies feat T-Pain
Baby Boy Big Brovaz
When I Grow Up PCD
Sempurna Andra and The Backbone

Hey peoples!! Gawd I'm bored as hell right now, gonna take a short nap at 1 later before tuition. But I'm obviously quite jobless now, so why not blog right?

So...mock oral exams are coming up in a few days...Mine's on Thursday. I hate exams...stresses me out *kicks* I just remembered...damn I kinda forgot where I put my mock exam timetable. It'll go on for like 10 days, which is like a whole goddamn end-of-term school holidayyyy. Longgggg right? I can't possibly figure out why they have to drag it for sooo long. Why not just do it in like a week and get it overwith? I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE & THE CONSTANT NAGGING FROM MY DAD AND MY GRANDMA!!!

These 2 weeks have been alright for me, I just got 2 new pups called Monster and Tinkle. Azmi and I came up with the names for em..Monster got his name cos he's like twice the size of tinkle and he's brown and chubby...Tinkle got his name cos he's a tiny lil fella and he pees too much..and not to mention everywhere!!! Both of em do not look alike, but they're brothers! Crazy..I know. They seriously look nothing like each other. Even my dad saw em and asked if they were really brothers.

I kinda snuck em home without telling the old crazy lady at home a.k.a my grandma. I swear this woman has been pissing me off since yesterday!! Everysince she found out that I kept the 2 pups a secret from her and she was left clueless, she started bein a bitch to everyone. Can't blame her though, duh she's old, should be senile...not too sure...but she friggin woke my maid up at 3 in the fucking morning to tell her off! I mean..3 in the morninggg?!! IS SHE PSYCHO??!

Now she's screaming her ass off at the maid again. She's screaming at EVERYONE. Just cos of two pups who are so amazingly cute?! I confess that I now have all rights to call my senile g-ma an 'ANIMAL HATER' and you can't blame me for it! All the signs are there. She has hated every single animal my dad and I or any other person for that fact has brought home to make as a pet. I told her that the cage can be put into my room so that the pups' barking doesn't bother anyone, but noooo..she doesn't want them to be put into my room.

I'm doing my best to deal with her and she's making it so damn difficult! She told me that she asked my aunt whom she said 'reads a lot of books and surfs online ALOT' told her that my baby brother could get asthma if he went near the dogs and being the smartass aunt she was, she told my grandma not to keep the dog in the house. uh HELLO! THERE'S ALREADY A DOG CALLED SNOWY IN THE HOUSE! SO?!

That theory can kiss my ass. My grandma told me not to turn my room into a dog kennel. I just told her to her face to keep quiet and lemme take care of things. I couldn't take it anymore! I don't give a shit if that woman cries! I've had enough stress on my shoulders. This has been going on since yesterday and even just now in the morning, when I was in tuition class, she asked the maid to text me saying that she's mad cos she has to sacrifice her driver and her petrol money to pick me up from tuition.

Shows how stingy and money-faced she is. God! I can't take her difficult ways anymore! Are old people really THIS difficult? I wonder why I don't talk back to my grandparents (mother's side) when I'm in Singapore. I think it's maybe..just maybe..they respect my decisions and are REASONABLE and most importantly not DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH!!!!!!

At this point, you can probably tell that I'm really pissed at the whole situation. I mean, things didn't have to get difficult. Everything doesn't have to belong to her. Families do not have that concept. I live here too y'know. Yeah it's her house, but aren't I her own blood too?! Atleast I have Azmi to cheer me up...we kinda brought a stray cat back home last night.

I know... I knowww!!! I'm crazy over kittens and pups. They're just so adorable and hard to resist!!! We named him Midnight cos of his big-ass pure black eyes!!! Rugged!! Azmi said that he was a special breed cos seriously his eyes were black as night. I saw the eyes and I though the poor thing was blind, but he could see, just maybe not well I guess~

He played with my packet of cigarettes, moving it around with it's paws like a football. Haha.

Anyways, I'm off to take a nap. C yu guys (:

ciao bello

&&may the stars shine for you & YOU ONLY cos you're beautiful <3

Boring Friday

2008-07-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Gawd, there's seriously nothing going on today. Yesterday night at tuition was damn fun. Haris, Syair, Pyan and Syair's lil brother went to Qlap yesterday. We all hung out downstairs and laughed our asses off at the things they were talking about. Pyan showed Azmi this video clip..which supposedly I could not watch. *I watched it on Youtube already just now* It was disgusting!!!

It's called Pain Olympics. It is one of the most disturbing and disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life! It shows a man...Ofcourse, I don't know who that sick man is,but anyways, it shows a man cutting both his dick and balls right off with like a hatchet and a kitchen knife!!! I swear to God it was disgusting!

I was about to eat lunch right after that, but I passed. I wonder why...God you can see the blood spilling out of em! He even took the knife and hatchet at the end and showed the viewers how it looked like! Seriously this guy must have been either heavily sedated or PSYCHO!!!!

You can search for the video either on Yahoo or Google. Search for Pain Olympics. But please be warned that this is very veryyy disgusting..especially for guys~ And don't do this before you eat. Trust me, from my experience, if you should have sausage or anything in a long rod shape for dinner or something, you would run for the toilet bowl.

I had 2 sausages in front of me and about 4 crabsticks. God I wanted to just grab a bucket and puke. No wonder Azmi and Pyan didn't wanna let me watch it. I saw the look on Azmi's face while watching the video on Pyan's phone. It went from 'what-the hell-is-this' to 'oh-my-fucking-god-help-me-this-both-hurts-and-disgusts me'.

It was that bad. It really depends on people's perspective though. If you're the type who can stand gore then this would'nt really scare nor disgust you. But if you're the 'oh-my-god-i-just-broke-my-nail' type, then please leave this video alone.

Yesterday while we were happily talking and walking away, a sudden subject came up among us. Waj, one of our friends, suddenly started talking about the money exchange subject, he started to explain something and a helicopter flies past in the sky. It's like everytime he starts to say or explain something it flies by. We all noticed and were laughing our asses off when one of us asked him if he realised that everytime when he talks, a helicopter flies by and censors his words.

Haha. He said it was God telling him to stop talking rubbish. We all laughed our asses off! Oh shit I'm late for tuition, will blog again later ok guys? See youhhh (:

ciao for now

Blurtes (:

2008-07-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ok..don't ask me what the title means. It's there and that's that! (: Newayysss~ Nothing much happened today..the usual thing. Everything went according to plan...except for the pracs part. I didn't attend pracs...Arul's gonna kill me tomorrowww~

She's surely gonna ask for my 'letter of absence' tomorrow. I went to Au lait for dinner with Azmi just now. We had mushroom soup, fish and chips (which is huge by the way) and finally 2 plates of garlic bread which is majorlyyyy yum yums!!!

We were sooo full just now~ And damn tired. I was sooo sleepy in Chem class just now. Partly cos it was a full-on boring! Maybe that's it...*thinks* yeah maybe *sense the sarcasm* I came outta class with a big migrane and in quite a cranky mood. Don't know why...been 'pms-ing' these few days. It's 'that' time of the month again. You girls should get me right?

And honestly speaking, if you think messing with me in my normal mood would be bad news..imagine messing with me during my PMS season. Yeah...you would be asking for hell.

Anyways I gotz to get going now..i know this is a damn short blog but yeah..im tired..n i gots school tomorrow lol ciao readers (:

&&I'm so Into You~

Md. NorAzmi...I LOVE YOU...the face i'll kiss everynight before i close my eyes, the one i'll always say 'i love you' to, the one who makes me laugh everyday and the one i'll always belong to// my happiness

I'm back on this!

2008-07-06T04:04:00.000-07:00

Hey peoples! I'm back on blogging cos now I basically have some time to kill. My life's been pretty much okay~ You know..the usual crap..mom givin me shit everyday~ Dad being ok..Well my family pretty much found out about Azmi and I. It was downright shitty cos they were all quite mental about it. It's like I don't know what the big deal is...He's malay..so? I don't get why most of the Chinese people have to look at malays in "that" way~

They're still human you know. It's just the matter of religion and racial difference. The way they act is still the same as us. It's just the language, but hey...come on peoples...we all know that some of you..wait..make that most OF US know how to speak malay! IT'S BRUNEI PEOPLES! WE ALL LEARN IT IN SCHOOL!!!!

People just need to grow up sometimes and expand their mindsets. I seriously don't see what's so crazy about me changing into a muslim. I mean..it's a nice culture! Loadsa good traditions and you know..the whole wearing decent clothes. Trust me I know...Azmi and his fam has this thing about me..or any other girls for that fact, wearing short skirts or anything above the knees. He doesn't even let me show cleavage...not even a little bit. He says that it's always better for people to see your inner beauty than your outer one. Ofcourse...not all of that is true~ But yeah most of it is.

Duh..outter beauty..without it, it'll take a damn long time and a friggin longgg search to look for husbands and all that lovey dovey stuff right? But hey...My boyfriend 'preaches' (so he calls it) alot about life to me and other people too when we're lost at some point and it usually never goes to waste.

Here's a theory of my own: Would you rather a guy fall in love witchu cos of your bust size or the size of your brain and heart? You do not have to be a smart ass to answer that one...well you'd be an idiot if you took the first choice..But neways..which would you choose? I'm soo trying hard not to judge the world here..but seriously which would you pick? I'd pick the second one anytime anyday...not cos I don't look like some superficial blonde bimbo, but cos I seriously want true love. Corny..but 100% true.

Anyways, enough of the lecture..I need to get paid for that you know. *i wish* Hancock was great yesterday! Saw loadsa cool previews like the upcoming batman movie...the mummy (the new one lah!)...hellboy 2...and..............there was something else..kinda forgot *slaps forehead* It's about these 2 adults and a kid who went into the woods or some place and "fell" into another world.

Funny preview. Must-watch! Hancock on the other hand was more to the comedy slash action flick...more to the action and touching-sappy bits than comedy though. Humorous..but not much. Well at the end of the movie..I kinda lost my handbag. I went crazy in the cinema. I was all panicky and frustrated. I looked under the seats and everything. It wasn't there..~ Then we went to westreet to check it out and thank GODDDD one of our friends found it on one of the seats. Seriously that was damn lucky already. Some prick would've took it with all my cash in it and I would end up crying..But honestly if someone did take it..and I found out he would end up in the Emergency Unit (: Can you say major butt-whoopin?

Azmi and I bumped into some of our friends at weststreet after the movie..Zakee and Haris was there so was this other dude..forgot his name...again~ *slaps forehead once again* We all sat down for abit and chatted...then we had to get going to Kiulap..I had tuition that night.

After tuition one of our friends *I AM NOT REVEALING NAMES* came and talk to us..he had some stuff on his mind he had to let out and yeah~ We talked and all. It was nice that he actually came and talk to us cos he kinda ignored us for awhile, but all is forgiven~ The day went well...except for the boyfie getting mental at gadong part...Long-story, short? His friend pissed him off with a rude remark. But once again all is forgiven (:

Anywhoosss I'm done for today. Read tomorrow..keep checking. haha I'm sure things'll get interesting for me these past few days...maybe a bit more drama but i Don't give a shit..I'm not praying for drama..I'm all about the happiness now. (: *smile* yeah we all know that that's a load of crap..but seriously..haha i don't need drama right now. I need to relax. Tomorrow's monday..gawd..school..boyfie's house..pracs...home..tuition..maybe dinner..home..phone with boyfie..sleep...hope it goes according to plan..never really happens..Doesn't hurt to hope does it?

&&You shine brighter than anyone does

I LOVE YOU MD. NORAZMI!!!! MY GUARDIAN ANGEL

Have You Ever Felt?

2008-07-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU WANNA KILL SOMEONE REALLLY REALLLLYY BADLY, SO BADLY THAT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DO IT? I HAVE...IM DOING IT NOW...(NOT KILLING...) JUST...THNKING (: GARRRHHH!!! I CANT TAKE IT NEMORE...WHO WOULD I LIKE TO KILL? HMMM..ONLI 2 PEOPLE (:

MY MOTHER...SHE jUSTTT PISSED ME OFF..
SOMEONE ELSE..YOU DON'T HAF TA KNOW =P

Anyways..I'm gonee..will blog more soon...need to go get ready...bringing boyfie for a haircut (: nyaha..n to watch HANCOCK I LOVE YOU PEOPLES! And f.y.i:- I'm not psycho...I'm just very freakin angryyyyy..*roarr*

I love my life right now...*sense the sarcasm* (:

Hey peoples (:

2008-06-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

Hey guys..sorry for not blogging for sooo long..im currently working on my new blog...i'm redirecting~ haha (: jux check in there for any updates on the decos n comment here and tell me what you think about it ok? ciao...

&&I LOVE YOU MD.NORAZMI!!!!

Finally an update on my life (:

2008-04-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

Hey readers (: Haven't been up dating my blog lately. Sorry for not updating. Been really busy with things. And partly cos I've been really lazy to go online too. Nothing really interesting have been happening these few days, except for my streak of bad luck. Alot of bad things have been happening to me lately and it's annoying the hell outta me. I don't even wanna bother typing down the things that have been happening to me. Just yesterday I was so excited to go to the mall with the boyfie to watch this malay horror movie called Congkak cos alot of people said it was really nice and worth watching then the stupid blackout happened.

Most of the Brunei-Muara area got a blackout. The whole mall just blacked out. I thought that it was just a trip, but turns out the main powerstation at Tungku had a blowout. You should've seen my face. I looked so pissed and partly sad cos I couldn't watch a movie with the boyfriend. We went to Kiulap early and you should've seen our faces when we found out that Kiulap didn't have any electricity at all either. Our Saturday was officially ruined cos we planned to go out for a romantic dinner after my tuition, but since there wasn't any electricity at all we settled for cheap food at Hua Ho Kiulap. We bought like packets of already prepared rice and some fruit for dessert. It was alright, but the dinner would've been more better.

It was nice though. Azmi and I just laid in the dark at IGS college and looked at the stars. A world without light can be beautiful at times. The stars looked so beautiful. You can never see so many stars normally cos of all the 'light pollution'. It was romantic. The whole Kiulap was dark as hell, even the roads. Literally EVERYWHERE. I went home after Kiulap and I hated the fact that even my neighbourhood was affected by the blackout. Thank god for generators and fans. I just tried to entertain myself til the lights came back on and at about 10 plus IT CAME BACK ON!!!....then it went off again. *makes angry face*

I got so pissed and screamed out the door. I went outside and imagine the anger that flowed through my body when I saw that every house in the neighbourhood was lit except for mine. My dad called JKR and at first they didn't pick up, but they eventually did. I thought I was gonna have to go through a whole night without electricity when the JKR people finally fixed it. I'm kinda sick right now, so the heat's not gonna help cos it gave me a major migrane. The guy that fixed the fuse box told us that the other fuse box which was located downstairs tripped cos once again my mom left the aircon on. I am not commenting on it cos I am so so tired of talking about it.

My school recently had it's Golden Jubilee. It was alright. Everyone set up a stall, but it's $250 per stall. Expensive huh? I just heard on the radio just now that they had a snake there too. You can take pictures with it and shit. Idk~ haha I didn't bother to go. Didn't have much.

The performance yesterday was fine. But the stalls~ Well it's alright. Still considered good. Wish it was more special though, but hey, it's Brunei. How big can things get here? haha

Can't complain though cos it's peaceful here. Everyone keeps talking about migrating and shit, but to me Brunei's best. No taxes no nothing. Eventhough it gets boring here, you can always buy a ticket and go somewhere to enjoy for a little while right? There's always Miri if you don't wanna drive or the all-time Kuala Lurah if you're in for a little drinking. If you know enough people, there's always the occasional parties.

Well, the whole Golden Jubilee funfair hype's gone and done and it's back to study mode. Can you believe it? To pay back for what we missed during this 'enjoyable' period, we have to attend extra classes in school for 2 fridays from 7.3oam til 11.30am. I have to miss Maths tuition on that day, but honestly I'd rather attend tuition cos it's only from 8.30am til 9.45am. And I get to see the boyfie after tuition too. Duh who wouldn't want that instead of going to school for like 4 hours? It's only an hour and 15 minutes earlier than our normal dismissal time. Oh well, it's better than nothing.

After school, I still have to go for tuition again in the afternoon at 2.30. My Physics tuition teacher quit, so we have someone new replacing him. The new teacher, which is his colleague, came to our class just now to see what it's all like. I don't think we made a good impression cos not everyone was the best type of student.Sure noone in class is dumb, but there's this group of girls from MS that just keeps talking and talking all the way. They seriously annoy the hell outta me. It's like they gossip so loud the class next door can hear them! That's how loud they talk and I'm not exaggerating anything here.

*sigh* It's only 4 more days til my anniversary with Azmi. I seriously can't wait. He told me that he bought me alot of presents. I can't wait for Thursday!!! So to all of you who said that him and I won't last eat your words cos I'll show you it'll last. I love him with all my heart and he loves me more too. I can't believe I've gone so far with him. First time I've ever really seriously commit to a guy.

Oh oh, we kinda adopted this cat last week. We found the cute little thing wondering on it's own around my tuition area. It's sooo cute~ We named him Crooked cos of his crooked tail. It's only a few weeks old so it's alright. He looks like Puss in Boots though with it's hugeeee eyes and colour. It looks exactly like the Puss in Boots character in Shrek. That's why we adopted him and he was still so healthy and clean with it's shiny fur and pink, wet nose. I brought him home first that night and it wasn't pretty, Snowy my dog tried to bite him and Crooked kinda clawed me cos I was holding him at that time. But it's k~

So now he's with Azmi. Azmi's parents finally approve of a cat! Surprising. I have Crooked's pic though ahaha..here it is, him sleeping on my tummy with Azmi beside me on my bed:

Cute right? ahaha. He loves sleeping on me. Don't know why and he keeps licking my cheeks and my nose. Azmi says it's cos he loves me. Annoying~ Haha. But seriously there's just this thing about Crooked's eyes that seriously amazes me. It's like he has two magnets attached to his head. I can't get mad at him. It's impossible haha.

Anyways...I'm gone. Wanna watch dvd with the cousins. Ciao bello (:

&&1st may 07...1st chapter, 2nd chapter 1st may o8...I LOVE YOU MD.NORAZMI!

Rain rainnn~~

2008-03-24T04:53:00.000-07:00

It's finally holidays and i have 6 more days til school starts!! Damn..holidays just seem to be so short~ I hate it when time seems to just go by so fast when you're having fun and when you're super bored, time goes slow as hell. Life's a bitch that way, but oh well~ Can't avoid it right? There's always suicide though..hmm~ *thinks* Nahhh~ HELL NO! Haha

Life's too good for me to just throw away. My parents are both out so I have free time to myself at home. Some peace and quiet. My mom and I had an arguement...again. She hit me on the head yesterday, claiming that I woke her up. What the hell? Seriously people, how the hell can you wake someone up by sleeping late? The room's soo far away from the living room, where I watch tv and I have never even stepped into her room once. NOT EVEN ONCE!

I walked into my room, climbed into bed and she just started screaming at me saying that I woke her up. I kinda argued back cos I wasn't really in the mood for her shit and she just started to hit my head! I just let her hit me and I fell asleep. Thank God I got to wake up late just now. I picked up the boyfie at his house just now in the afternoon and he hung out at my place for abit and we went to Kiulap together. My grandmother did the most humiliating thing ever to me!

I introduced him to her..but as 'my friend' and she started asking me stuff bout him then she told him in her singlish way that he has to take good care of me blah di blah di blah. It was kinda embarassing when she started to say that I wasn't the best student in school and he has to teach me to study better. Fuck that was embarassing~ I ran into the room and I wanted to suffocate myself with the pillow.

He just laughed and gave me that annoying smile he always gives me when he's all satisfied with himself. It never fails to make me laugh and try to pinch his cheeks. He made peace with my dog Snowy. Yeah, he's a malay, but he touches my dog. He takes himself as a free-thinker~ So who am I to disagree with it. Atleast my grandma likes him. That's a start right? (:

I'm kinda planning on what I should do tomorrow afternoon cos I'm free the whole day til 7 at night. Damnn..what can I do? Mall? No...That place gets boring when you start going there everyday. Well the way I see it, I have two choices...One, I can go for a movie at Seri Qlap or Two, I can catch a quick dinner with the boyfie at Mamih or Swensens. Option one or two? I don't know. *slaps forehead*

I'll just think about it later. Hayley wants to bring me out for a double date on Wednesday. She plans on watching a movie at Empire Cinema. Spiderwick Chronicles. Booo...I watched that movie already. I mean it's cool watching a movie at Empire, but Spiderwick Chronicles? I watched the movie already. The movie was nice, but had a sucky ending. Was thinking of watching a horror flick. I watched this cartoon called Horton found a WHO and trust me it was boring. My boyfriend and I bailed.

It was funny at some parts, but it got really boring. The movie that I'm actually anticipating for is Get Smart and 27 bridesmaid dresses. Those two movies are a must-watch!!!! I saw the trailers and they rocked. So yeah~ So far only these two movies interest me. The rest can kiss my butt~

I just checked the newspaper and none of those movies are playing yet in the cinemas. 27 dresses is having its sneak preview though. I'm waiting for it to start showing in Empire Cinema. It's more comfy there and the VIP seats are amazing. Huge individual sofa seats and complimentary popcorn and drink for each ticket bought. The sofa is big enough to fit two so it's a big plus for couples (:

Expensive though~ but still~ once in awhile indulgence isn't wrong right? Anyways, I just found out a few days ago that Swensens has this chocolate fondue thing right now and I am craving for it so badly. Chocolate plus strawberries? KINKY! Haha..sorry~ It's trueee =p

Anywayz I'm gone. I'm poofed. Ciao bello (:

&&touch my body

Mighty fine day..Psycho? Moi? lmao..

2008-03-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Hey guys~ First, I kinda need to apologize for the recent fights on my tagboard. Some ignorant 'passerby' started to jump into and issue she/he isn't even involved in. See...this person fights through the tagboard and through words. And whenever i try to set up a meeting between me and her to settle this issue once and for all, she doesn't answer it. It's like she doesn't have any guts at all to do this face to face.

This person says that I write like a psycho blah blah blah, I'm cheap blah blah blah..Puh-lease...They should seriously look themselves in the mirror and then talk. I do bitch about people, I agree..but I don't go around stealing people's boyfriends and stalking em to the extend of tracking down their blog address and hate on them through there. It's so pathetic that it's almost depressing to see haters stoop so low.

And this 'passerby' just keeps contradicting herself. She writes on the tagboard that she doesn't give a shit about me or my boyfriend, but comes onto my blog every single day and reads my post. Then she starts hating on my post. Come on~ *knock knock* Wake the hell up. If you don't give a shit, you wouldn't be reading my posts and tagging on my tagboard. You wouldn't even come onto this blog!

By stalking my posts and tagging so much on my tagboard. It proves you care alot hun. And my gawd..ur english? I don't even wanna go there. One advice...BUY A DICTIONARY, READ IT, LEARN IT, LIVE IT, EAT IT. Maybe then you're english would get better and maybe then you can actually win this arguement. Your lame comebacks can seriously kiss my chinese ass cos they seriously need some upgrading.

Anyways this post is actually ment for the 'passerby'. Feel special cos you got a post about YOU all about YOU (: I seldom do this, but I need to show some sort of appreciation to the amusement you have given me these past few days right? Hahaha (: You have honestly made my day. Oh btw...you need to get a REAL life. You AND your matchsticks can go kiss ass somewhere else and not here. I prefer to keep my blog out of the drama.

And if you wanna fight or argue, do it face to face. You can bring the matchsticks along too. I don't mind. Or maybe it is on of you who's tagging. Anyways..just do this face to face cos this is just downright pointless. See yah hater (: I'm so looking forward to meeting you in person.

&&Pathetic is a definition of you. Ignorance is the very idea of you. Ugliness is what describes you.

Haterz back off (:

2008-03-16T04:28:00.000-07:00

Read the label with ample care (: cos I mean it. These few days I've realised that quite a number of people are seriously showing their true colours to me and lemme tell ya, they're the people who have annoyed me since the very beggining. I've just kept my mouth shut and sat silently, mocking them in my heart. Well the nice girl is long-gone.

If I do not like you trust me, I will show it and you'll know it. If I start rolling my eyes at you, back off and shut up cos I will seriously kick your ass. These few days have been hell for me. Whether I'm in or out of the house, people just tend to piss me off easily. So I've made up my mind. Fuck with me and you'll wish you were never born.

I'll either hurt you with my words or my fist. Trust me, you would rather pick the fist cos emotional pain takes a long, lonngggg time to heal. Gawd...I'm just so done with all the hating and backstabbing. If you do not like me, say it to my damn face. Not through msn, not through my blog, but to my face. I don't care if you think what I write in here is meaningless or bitchy. I'm just being honest.

In my blog is the only way I can actually be honest. It's where I put my thoughts in. It's my online diary, so you better read this carefully. I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU HATERS THINK.

If you have so much time on your hands to bitch about other people, why can't you make use of that time to get an attitude-makeover and stay out of my life? You wanna bitch...can~ Ofcourse you can. It's your right, but make sure it doesn't reach the ears of the person you bitch about. Especially when it's me cos I will go after your ugly ass and stab you..not from the back but from the front.

Yes, I sound mean, and this is what happens when people send me over the edge. I haven't been having really good days lately. Everyone seems to be pissing me off. My parents too. They just keep screaming at me and it's like they're trying to drive me outta the damn house.

God...and my maid..gah I don't even wanna talk about it cos I might smash the pc screen. I have a bad temper...screw it..it's genetic. Both my parents have really bad tempers, so it comes to no surprise that mine will be worse. They're abusive people...one's evil to the core and the other has a temper that'll blow up in your face and turn you into shishkebab.

And oh yeah, to nunu and bryant I'm soo sooo sorry that I can't go to the prom. Azmi didn't wanna go and he doesn't really like the idea of me going either. I'm so so sorry yeah guys? I hope the party turns out good. I'm sure it will. Have fun there yeah guys?

Oh yeah to you other readers out there. There's gonna be a party at Dewan Muhibah on the 21st this month. It's a
masquerade prom. Formal..there's gonna be a food, drinks, am emcee and duh...DJ. The DJ's my all-time good friend Apek. It's $20 per head. If you need more details just leave a shout out in my chatbox and i'll lead you to Ashlee.

Anyways, I'm out (: I blogged my anger away already hahaha. Gots to get my ass movin..watchin dvds with the cuzzies. Ciao bellos

&&PARTY/PROM AT DEWAN MUHIBAH!!! GO GO GO (:

BORED?

2008-03-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'm bored..Seriously peoples. I'm bored outta my mind! Ohhh..this font looks nice..let's try and italic it..ahhhh...interesting~ Looks like those old-fashioned typewriters' font. Let's bold it and underline it. Ahhhh...haha I know lame~ But I'm bored. Can't help it really~

I'm going to tuition in a bit later on. So yeah gonna spend some time with the boyfie after tuition and the good news is...I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!!. YAYYYY! It means I can go to the mall with my friends and the boyfie tomorrow early! Thank god. I need to get outta the house like so badly right now.

I was kinda pissed off in the morning cos some bimbos made a really really stupid remark about me. My tuition mate told me what they said. They said, "cubatah ia cari girlfriend lain". In english translation means, "why can't he find some other girlfriend?".

I blew my top. My blood pressure went haywire. I will not take anyone talking about me like that. Once it concerns me and my boyfriend or the relationship, trust me that person will not have his/her teeth anymore. I had to deal with this issue last time in school and now I have to deal with it at tuition? What the hell is their problem?

Can't they find someone else to talk about or can't they just get on with their own life? Seriously if you need to bitch about someone else just to make yourself feel good, you must feel soooo fucking ugly inside. I don't like it when people, whom I do not even know, bitch about me just for the sake of their happiness. Well so-ryyy, I don't fucking care about their happiness. People like that don't deserve to be happy.

Their always there gawking at my boyfie every tuesday night at 8.15 at tuition. I'll get em then. There's 3 of em. Trust me they look like walking matchsticks. They look anorexic. Even my boyfie calls them the walking matchbox. He actually called em that first. You should see the way they look at me. God it's like they wanna kill me or something. PSYCHO!!!

Don't they know that most of the people there at tuition thinks they should just go to hell? God...unbelievable how ignorant people can be. It amazes me. *sarcasm*

Anyways, enough with the bitching and back to the happy issues. The boyfie's taking November this year, so he goes to Geo class with me. He finally realised that I really care for his studies. I mean he got only one O for his O levels. I really want him to aim for 4 more this year so he can get into MD.

My parents are pushing me to get into MD, but I mean, what do they provide there? I know it's in Gadong and it's damn near to the mall, but hey what's the point of going to the mall in your school uniform. I don't really like going out in my school uniform. It's uncomfortable. I'd rather go out in my casual clothes and have fun, instead of having to walk around in your school uniform showing that you're from MD.

I'm not saying that it's wrong. I'm just saying that I feel uncomfortable with it. DO NOT GET ME WRONG!!

And somehow my mom got really sick. She's having a fever. 38 point something degrees. She's pretty dramatic over it. Sheesh. I don't get it. She always gets sick. It's annoying cos she'll sulk around the house and act like she's going to die or something. God, it's just a fever and plus mine was higher than hers! It's somehow her fault too for not eating.

She's on this vegetarian diet cos Good Friday's coming up soon and yeah she's gonna force me to attend the mass~ This happens every fucking time, once a year. It's like I have to sit there for an hour! I have to sit there for an hour and try to not fall asleep. The priest gives the same speech and tells the same old story every year. I'm not trying to disrespect it, but can't I just pray at home? Why do I have to go to church? I'm not even CATHOLIC!

I'm a free-thinker. Why can't she get that into her head? I'm not a religious person! I enjoy life! I commit alot of sins. Everyone commits sins! Sheesh and when I make one little mistake she brings up God. I mean like what the hell?! It makes no sense!

Every single thing has to be related to God with her. Church this church that. You'll get punished blah blah blah. Yes I read the Bible already...i knowwww!

She's just so naggy sometimes, but hey, I gotta deal with it somehow right? Cos unless my dad divorces her, she aint goin nowhere. All that nagging and yappin aint going NOWHERE I tell you. Thank god i'll be in Uni in 2 years time. Seems like eternity, but it's worth the wait.

Speaking of eternity...where's the driver...god..here we go again. I g2g peoples. need to scream at him cos he's late hahahaha..ciao bellos

&&I LOVE YOU DUM DUM

moodless tuesday

2008-03-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

Ever get the feeling that you just wanna scream and break something? Yeah..that's exactly what I'm feeling now. It started in the morning somehow~ I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I went to school all sleepy as usual then things were all ok, til I don't know, something just hit me after recess. I became all moody and frustrated.

I felt like going out to chill out somewhere with the boyfie and some friends, but the boyfie wasn't up for it. So yeah, it kinda pissed me off even more cos I can't really go anywhere with anyone without him. He'll get all paranoid and moody. God knows I hate it when that happens cos it'll last for quite some time and it'll end up with me and him fighting. I hate it when that happens.

So since I couldn't go out, I'm stuck at home now typin up this post. Gah..boring much~ Atleast I can go out abit early today. Later at like 4pm I'm gonna go pick up the boyfie(his driver went back to Indonesia for a month) and we'll go walk around Seri Kiulap for abit then go to my tuition centre and chill there like we always do.

Yesterday night was hell for me. My baby brother woke up all of a sudden at like what..1 in the friggin morning!!!! I got blamed for the stupid maid's mistake! My mom told me that the maid was stupid enough to feed him oranges while he was coughing. He's already coughing badly enough and they just had to come up with smart ideas and feed him oranges.

I couldn't take it anymore and called them upstairs and screamed at one of em over the intercom. The maid said she never gave him any fruits to eat and blah blah blah. But I just screamed every inch of my frustration at her through the intercom. My dad went downstairs..told me to sleep outside cos I had school and thank god I got some sleep after that. Shit, that baby can really cry. He cried for like an hour plus plus! NON-STOPPP!!!

I tried everything, water, milk, medicine even the pacifier and it all didn't work. I mean what the hell am i supposed to give a baby for him to shut up?! Seriously, I do not fucking know. School was hell too just now. Filled with boring lessons and meaningless lectures. Ugh...and we had our first fire drill just now..WOOOOWWWW!!! Say it with me now: WOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! lol That almost sounded like you were really surprised!!! I found it so fake and boring. They had fake smoke from a smoke machine and a fake victim which was one of the teachers. The fire squad was like taking their own sweet time and the hose was leaking like the friggin fountain of youth!

I mean...if that's how they save people and put out a fire in real life, I hope people here in Brunei have insurance cos I wouldn't put too much hope on our fire brigades. Haha. Yesterday we had our school sport's house captain election. For Macdougall, which is my house is Elaine Wong..Boys...erm..i don't really know and congrats to my sis the hippo SHARON CHENG cos she's been elected as the Danson house captain!! Haha. I kinda promised her that I would put her pic up here, but hey...like she said..I'm sooo lazy hahaha. I don't really have the mood to do it now. But yeah, congrats hippo =p

Damn my stupid itunes won't work! It won't even open up..gah..I am in desperate need of music right now to tone down my blood pressure. Music's my only pleasure right now. Feel like screaming out my lungs to some screamo or something~ PARAMORE!!! Hahaha.

newayz i g2g yallz so yeha ciao bello!!!

&&my falsetto

love love love kill kill kill.all

2008-03-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

Hey peoples!! Gawd I'm so tired now. I have to call the boyfie in abit. Today was pretty much uneventful~ I went to the boyfie's crib after school just now. He picked me up from school and he kinda taught me driving. Have been learning for like what..3 days? He kinda hates it when I wanna drive cos it scares the shit outta him. Yes..I am that bad of a driver. But hey I just started learning ok!

So I am excused. Don'tchu dare say anything about it either! Haha. Anyways, been having alot of people linking me and commenting about my blog. Thanks for reading though guys! Haha..Apart from the constant drama and psychotic momma, my life's pretty much normal right? Haha..I'm hoping for a yes, but I doubt that I'm gonna get one.

I've gotten back most of my assessment test papers already and I think I failed 4 of my subjects. Sucks. Gawd I hope my mom doesn't kill me and send me off to another tuition cos Azmi's finally going to Flying Colours with me. :( boo hoo~

The only subject which I'm most proud of is my Geo, cos it's the only one I actually really passed. Maybe it's cos most of the things learn in Geo, I've learned already when I was in lower Sec. You know, prehistoric times~ Was it really that long ago? Haha. You know when adults say that when you're young u wish that you were older, but when you really grow into an adult, you would regret ever wishing that and wish that you were still a kid? It's kinda true.

Sometimes I just wish that I could actually be a kid again. Without the responsibilities and shit. To tell you guys the truth, I'm seriously not prepared for Form 5. I can't cope with it. Too much change and responsibilities. I need time to adjust!!! The homeworks are increasing and so is the pressure given to me by alot of people! They're all cheering for me to pass with flying colours, but shit...can they atleast stop giving me the damn pressure! It's killing my mood and it's worrying me alot!

I will pass O levels and I know it!! I just need to really study harder. Need to seriously learn how to balance play and study time. Even if it means channeling some of my attention given to the boyfie to my studies, I'll do it! It's gonna be worth it in the end. Observe: Good results + Parents = CAR, GOOD COLLEGE, FREEDOM AND...ETC!!!!! it's true!!!

I just have to show them that I really studied hard and they'll learn to trust me more..hopefully. I can't just be cooped up at home for the rest of my life~ It aint gonna work for me that way. I'm the type who really loves to go out with friends and be out of the house for some chillax time with the besties.

Besides the whole me failing my assessment thingy, everything's well and fine. Though, I kinda lost my trusty driver. He kinda has to help my dad's company deliver stuff now, so my mom gave me her driver to use for now. He's good and all, and he learns to keep alot of stuff from my mom too, but he's still under my mom's care, so if I need him to bring me anywhere, he'll have to ask my mom first. It's kinda annoying though at times, but hey...it's me...I learn to deal with it and compromise. I don't like moping around about the same ol crap for too long.

The problem's there already so I just have to find a way to turn it all around into a good thing for me. I have a knack for that. Haha. Years and years of training (: Cunning me~*evil laugh*

Hahaha..Anyways, I'm so damn tired...I think I'm just gonna call the boyfie and tell him that I'm really really tired and gotta go to sleep. Nights peoples!! ciao bello..I'll blog again soon..Can't really blog now..too sleepy ahahaha..love yuh readers

&&My guardian angel..i love youh..forever and you can count on it

Test...stress stress

2008-03-01T07:46:00.000-08:00

Ok..I just officially fucked up my Physics and POA test just now. I thought I was safe, but noooo....my brain had to fuck up in the end. I panicked and everything just turned off. Great timing huh? *sarcasm* I was like all ready..I studied for Physics!! And for god's sake why did my brain had to fuck me upppp?!

It was like I lost track of everything I studied! Maybe it was cos I didn't wake up ealry just now in the mornin to go through everything again, but hey I studied til like what..3am? And I was planning to get up at 5am..is that even possible? I knew that if I woke up at 5am I would not even do my test right. So either way I was fucked. So my plan for tomorrow would be to go to tuition..and by 5 plus when I reach home..pull out my bio books and study study!!! I have bio and maths on monday.

Two of my worst subjects. I am sooo excited for monday...wowww.....!!! *kicks* Fucking hell..I cannot fail this test! cos if I do, my mom's gonna change my tuition and she's gonna take away my precious handphone :( MARK MY WORDS...NOONE IS EVER TAKING MY PHONE AWAY FROM ME!!!!!! NOT EVEN HER! AND I DAMN WELL MEAN WHAT I FUCKING SAY!

God I curse too much. It's a habit..but hey..that's me. Take it or leave it, I don't really care lol. Seriously I prefer friends who take me as I am..my good parts and my bad parts too. I don't like hanging around people who make me feel bad about myself. I mean why the hell would I wanna hang around people like that? A little advice for you guys out there:- Do not change for others, but for yourself. Trust me...I've been using that advice for quite some time now and it has worked wonders.

There is no point in changing yourself when you don't really want to and there isn't a damn point in changing yourself just cos someone calls you a loser or whatever. Be yourself...If a certain group of people can't accept you for who you are...ditch em. They aren't worth shit (: I've got this friend..well I'm not gonna reveal names here so I'll just use the letter 'A' to represent her.

Well..'A' was a typical innocent teen who gets cooped up at home and doesn't really know the outside world too well. Let's just say she's not really the socializing type. She loves to just stay at home and you know...lol..stay at home...~~ Typical innocent girl next door. I used to go to tuition with her some time ago. I wasn't close to her, but then I do talk to her occassionally cos we..yeah I can't deny that we didn't really share the same interests in life.

She's into books and studies...I'm into..well just not that. *cringe* In that period of time while she was in the same tuition class as me..I noticed a change in her attitude. At first I just brushed it off, but dayum she changed alot. First, the hair wasn't in a boring old ponytail no more, then came the clothing..then the group of friends. But somehow it was all soo damn fake!!!

I started to hate her..and trust me I still do, but in a way I pity her cos she changed herself into something worse than what she was before. It's like..from innocent to fucked up tacky trailer trash bitch. Drastic change huh? The thing about us humans that I actually noticed is, when you're like 100% good and you actually turn bad with or without the peer pressure, she end up being worse than the bad apples. You geddit? That's why I don't really like seeing all those silly girls who try to act like they're bad or whatnot~

Be yourself..I don't see what' so hard about it. It's better than faking to be somebody else for the rest of your life. Less effort haha. Yesterday afternoon while I was at tuition, I saw this girl who goes to my tuition too. I swear to god, she's like sooo...tacky. I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but seriouslyyyy. I mean she wouldn't have looked so bad if it wasn't for her being a try-hard (wannabe). She was smoking a ciggy when it was sooo obvious that she didn't even know how to smoke!!

The way she held her ciggy, the way she smoked...I mean dude you're supposed to inhale the smoke and not just blow it out straight away. And it took her longer than me to finish a stick! I finished 1 and a half sticks already and she wasn't even done with hers yet. It's like she craves for the attention. I think he actually thinks that smoking will get guys to notice her cos she was like leaning against the wall infront of the front entrance of TAIB Bank!!! My tuition mates and I were like laughing our ass off. One of em called her 'si paus-paus'. Don't know the meaning of that?? Ask your friends. They should know lmao.

God I'm so sleepy now..but I have to wait for the boyfie's text~ Gah...I don't think I can wait any longer...My eyes are like half-shut already. I'll just see him tomorrow and reply his text tomorrow. I'm in serious need of some major shut eye a.k.a SLEEP. Well today's our 10th monthasaryyyy...2 more months til our anniee!! AND I LOVE HIM SOO MUCHHH..MORE THAN EVER! Can't wait to see him tomorrow lol...pfft..I can never wait to see him~~~

Anyways, this is all for today. will blog again tomorrowwww..i'm off to bedd! NIGHTS READERS! ciao bello

&&te adoro dum dum..mi vida..te queiro

SO INTO THE AZMI hahahha

2008-02-28T07:46:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the random title guys..But I can't help it! haha..I'm just so in love with this boy...trust me..He is the only person that's on my mind everyday everytime. I'm so damn bored at this moment..like boreddd hantaaappp!!!!! hahaha..I spent half an hour just now just looking at the ceiling waiting for the lamp to fall from the ceiling..hahaha

Just texted the boyfie..Poor thing..He's stuck at the cybercafe waiting for his driver. He's really poofed. These few days things have been going ok, but Assessment test is on Saturday and I'm not even prepared yet! I think I have mold growing on my textbooks~ Seriously eventhough I'm in one of the best classes in school, trust me..I belong in art stream. I HATE PURE SCIENCE!!!! and I have good reason too.

The subjects are all so damn hard and the pressure is hugeeeee. If I really have to pass, I would have to really cut down on my time with Azmi. But you all know that I really can't do that. I 'm seriously stuck on him. Some of you may say that I'm stuck in my own 'fairytale world' then well...right now I would have to agree partly. It isn't all fairytales and happy sun sun all the way you know (did that make sense? *raises eyebrow)...We do have our fights and when we fight, trust me...it's dramatic. I cry..he goes all depressed..I worry worry and in the end we will find a way to work things out and they always work.

I'm praying that it'll last this way til..well..forever I hope. Seriously..this is like the longest commitment I have ever made in my whole life. 10 months being with a guy...without the playing around..without flirting around and finally admitting my status to the whole world that I AM TAKEN!! T TO THE FUCKING A-K-E-N!!!!!

Whooott!! hahaha..damn happy.

The past 6-7 months of the relationship was bullshit. Things weren't going the way we planned and most of the shits that happened in the relationship was my fault and trust me..I paid for it big time. Read my previous blog hahaha..the one in December 07' and January 08. Karma bit me on the ass and it bit hard. All you people who have actually warned me about karma..shut the hell up cos I have paid my dues ok! haha

About 2 weeks ago, we actually went through a huge bump. His old habits came back and he started being in contact with this girl. She's his friend and all. That I can take..but them constantly messaging each other and calling each other...too much. He fucking saved her messages too...I read them all and yeah trust me..I wanted to smash her ugly ass face into a concrete wall.

I talked to him about it and well I got some help from a few of my very good friends and managed to work things out with Azmi and get him back. He loves me alot..trust me he does. And no matter what other people do or say...it aint gonna work so back the hell off. He is mine and mine only (:

I don't know why in the world I would give up the fun of being single, but it's worth it. To me it is. I'm almost positive that I've found 'the one'. Can't be too confident about it to early. Bad luck..haha..stupid, but I can't take chances. At this point I just don't wannt lose him. I never want to. Almost did, almost died...heart almost came outta my mouth.

You know, I kinda wasn't sure that I was really in love..so I kinda checked out this site you know..here's the link: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_it_is_love_or_lust

The answers are all there and everything there..he's done for me. I'm positive it's love. He has really commited himself to me. I feel so happy when I'm around him. At one point..I actually felt like noone around mattered. As if the whole world just disappeared and there was only him..and me duh~ haha

Yeah I know I'm getting all mushy mushy, but hey it's my blog so deal with it! Haha..I haven't blogged in awhile and this feeling's just all cooped up inside me. Few weeks ago, I still remember..there was this girl in my school who goes to the same chem class as me in Flying Colours. She was talking about me behind my back. She called me a bitch and blah blah you know the usual. She actually said that some people..*ahem* lemme repeat..some people in school were talking about me wearing a mini skirt to tuition.

I mean..HELLOOOOO!! Wake the hell up kiddos...it's 2008..and plus it's my body..my image so I can do whatever the hell I wanna do with it. They have absolutely no right to judge me and the way I dress when they all look like absolute fucktards who crawled out of some strange world where fashion doesn't fucking exist. Anyways~ I wasn't actually gonna let the whole thing slide when I heard she talked about the boyfie.

THAT WAS OUT OF LINE! I actually heard it while I was at tuition and at that very moment when I heard about what she said, I wanted to go to her and give her a huge punch in the face. She better thank god that she went home early cos if not, she would be going home with either her nose all bent or her jaw slanting sideways. I was that pissed off. I don't give a flying tuck if you talk about me..but once you bring the boyfie into the picture..You are digging your own grave.

She actually had the nerve to say that Azmi was only using me for sex and money. She also said some pretty nasty and untrue things about some of my other friends. Rule number one in my little book: Do not diss the people around cos the consequences are fatal (:

I actually went up to her at school and asked her about the whole issue and I was actuall keeping my cool until she walked away from me while I was talking!! Pfft..classic loser move.

I went into her class and asked her to turn back to me and talk to me. She said she didn't wanna talk about the issue. She 'claims' that she never said anything about my friends and that she only 'asked' about my boyfriend and me. I mean...is it any of her business anyways? It's my fucking relationship so why should she care anyways? It's not like I talk to her. I have never even spoken 3 words in a sentence to her. We went to the same tuition druing Primary 3 last time and that was it.

It's ok if she wanted to ask if he was boyfriend or not and all that common stuff, but for god's sake...why in the world would she out of everyone I know...wanna know about my relationship and what my boyfriend and I do? Hasn't she ever heard of privacy? Guess not..I actually screamed at her and everything.

I just didn't hit her. Couldn't..Azmi didn't want me to. He doesn't want me to fight all the time. Especially not in school cos it wouldn't look good on my record. So I put my ego down and just let it be for now. Now...well I haven't seen her in my chem class so far this week. Maybe she changed to a different group. Maybe she dies..who cares? I for sure don't. Hahaha..

Jobless people sometimes just gets on my nerves..I mean like..find something to do man!!! There must be somethingggg!! ANYTHING!!! HAHAHA

Anyways...I'm done here haha..I'm on the phone with the boyfie now..and yes yes...I know you're getting sick of hearing about him...I'll stop here ahahaha...c yuh peoples..will blog again soon....ciao bello

&&LOVE LIKE THIS

TIRED

2008-02-10T02:23:00.000-08:00

You have no idea how tired I am at this moment. My back hurts cos I didn't sleep well last night and it's bloody hot here cos the aircon's broken. I just got back from tuition. Thank god I got to see the boyfie just now. Chinese New Year was..well...Chinese New Year-ish...I'm not making sense am I?? Well, it was ok...nothing interesting. My boyfie and my other friends came over last night til 10 plus. We all hung out and watched movies. We watched Alvin and the chipmunks which was great..Then I had to put on the stupid Thai horror flick. It's called The House and trust me, it's bloody scary.

It scared the crap outta me. Even the boys were scared. Apatah lagi the girls right? I couldn't really sleep last night cos I kept imagining shit. Ok I'm not gonna go into detail bout the whole movie cos I just managed to forget about it and I DO NOT wanna remember it again. Enough scary shit for a day. Eventhough I am a horror flick fan, I can't stand the nightmares. Not enough sleep=cranky jesie. Noone likes me when I'm cranky cos I get all agrivated and scream at everything and everybody.

Yesterday a few of my school mates were supposed to come over to my crib and chill, but they all canceled...last minute. One cancelled, so the other cancelled and soon everyone cancelled. Thank God the boyfie and his friends were there to finish the food I ordered from Pizza Hut. When they were all about to go, I started to clean up and my boyfie looked at me clean up. He just stared at me and it kinda freaked me out.

I asked him about it just now and he told me that his granny once told him that there a few things to look out for in a girl if you wanna know if she'll make a good wife in the future or not. There are 10 actually, but he only told me the two things cos he saw it in me. Duh...he can't tell me the rest cos I might do em on purpose just to get to him right? The first is the fact that I hate it when he constantly spoils me. And the second is that I do clean my shit up you know.

Yes yes...hard to beieve that the brat actually learned how to clean up after everything, but hey you gotta learn how to be more responsible someday right? How else are you gonna survive on your own in the future? God knows I seriously don't wanna get scolded by my dad. He hates it when I leave things in a mess. He's a neat-freak, but then..aren't all parents like that? hahaha

Anyways, tomorrow it's back to school time and everything will be back to normal. Form 5...you have to hate it. All the pressure in getting good grades. I need to get my head into the books soon too. Cos O levels aint like PMB. Not so easy. It's harder than that and it's like you gotta get prepared evenbythe beginning of the year. You can't study like 2 months before the o levels. It aint gonna work that way. Form 4 and 5 is damn complicating. The subjects are all fucked up. Being in a pure science class is something to be proud of, but the subjects are crazy!!

You have to really crack your head open to get what you're actually reading most of the time. I tried to persuade my parents to transfer me to combine science, but they just told me to study harder and put more effort into it. WHAT THE HELL?????!!!! Hey I'm trying my best already, but can I help it if I have a life?? Getting credits are just not enough for these people. You gotta get A's and A1's!!!

I think I might have to actually give up the whole social thing to get it. Oh yeah..there's this valentine's day prom thing my friends are throwing at this place somewhere in berakas I heard. It's $15 per ticket. I haven't told my dad about it yet. My mom knows though. I'm payin for the ticket using my own pocket money so yeah.

AS for what Im gona wear to the prom, not sure yet. I don't really like wearing dresses. I'm more to the mini skirts and jeans and tees kinda chick. Not really into dressing up haha. Can't help it if I love the casual chill out scene. Trust me..peace and serenity is what I need right now ahhaha..AND I NEED IT ASAP!!!

As for now, this tired chica's out. Don't worry..I'll blog again soon (: ciao bellos

&&PEACE AND SERENITY..I NEED NOW!!!!!

Messed up

2008-01-29T00:16:00.000-08:00

Damn..im in a foul mood today...Eversince my mom came back, everything's been back to normal. The same ol bitchy mom's back on track. She somehow managed to accuse me of not attending my tuition classes. Apparently the stupid tuition school called her up and asked her why I didn't attend my maths class when I did!! I was on time!! I did my work!! Most importantly..I ATTENDED CLASSSS!!! I have absolutely no reason to skip class and I don't have the courage to skip it either cos I'm smart enough to know that the tuition centre will call your parents if you do not attend class.

Maybe I forgot to sign the stupid attendance file in class. They have this attendance file where every student signs their name in it to show that they have attended the class and no..the teachers are not 'kind' enough to sign it for you when you don't come for class. They'll just pass the attendance file back to the office and let the vice principal call your parents up for an excuse. So fucking annoying. My mom kept bitching about the whole 'if you don't wanna study then don't waste my time' lecture. I mean...wtf???? I DID attend the tuition class so I don't get what her fucking problem is.

She told me that she's gonna pull me to the tuition centre's office and ask my Math tuition teacher herself. And I was like fineeee...if she wants to pull me there..then not my problem..I'm not the one who's gonna be embarassed. She's gonna be the embarassed one cos I did attend classss...duhhh!!!! After than issue's done then she brought up another one!! She claimed that there was a blue skyline car following me to school and blah blah blah. I was like huh? She seriously lost me at blue skyline. I do not have any friends who go to school to look for me. And I do not have any friends who drive a blue skyline either so I didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

She warned me and asked me for that person's name. I couldn't answer her cos I don't even know what she was talking about!!! I don't even have any friends who own a blue skyline!! I kept denying that there was a blue skyline and everything, but nooo~~~ she didn't believe me. So I just kept quiet and let her talk. I was done answering her. What's the point of arguing with someone retarded? TOTAL WASTE OF TIME Seriously! Cos I know no matter how much I try to prove my innocence, I'll still be in the wrong.

She'll never believe me and admit that she's wrong until there's absolute proof and she can't say shit anymore. But eventhough if that happens, she'll still have something to say. She will never ever admit that she's wrong. Seriously..she's my mom...I know her so well~ Some times I seriously think that she's creating all this issues and lies just to get me in trouble with my dad. My dad will come screaming at me and believe everything my mom tells him (which is really stupid) and somehow, I'll fight back and the whole thing will end up with me and my dad not talking.

She loves it when that happens. I swear to god she's evil. She hates the fact that my relationship with my dad is as close as ever. There was this one time even, when one of my friends asked me what would happen if I lost my mom and how would I react..I couldn't answer cos duh I haven't lost my mom yet. Then I tried to imagine me losing my mom and I was like...oh welll...gotz to move on~

See!! That's how much I despise her~ But if my dad...losing my dad is hell to me. Not just cos of the money..cos I love my dad. At times he can be really unreasonable and all, but still, you can see that he has a good heart. Every other person who criticizes my dad can go to hell. Eventhough my dad's having an affair outside with some china slut..I don't give a shit. As long as he still has time for me and my baby brother I'm fine with it. He just has to not bring her home and that's it. If he brings that china slut into this house, he will be over in a snap!

I have alot of issues already..I don't need my mom creating more issues for me to deal with cos it's damn stressful~ I can't take it..seriously..I have enough homework from school and I just received the topics that I have to study for my 1st assessment test..Chemistry~ Some stupid retarded chick in my class chose the topics!!! SHE CHOSE THE HARDEST ONES!!! My god.. I swear..sometimes, wait scratch that...OFTENNN at times like this i just wonder..WHY THE HELL MUST THE PMB MARKER BE SO CRUEL AND PUT ME IN THE PURE SCIENCE CLASS????!!!!!!! It's torturing to be around the people there.

Well most of em.. there are only some of them whom I like. The rest can kiss my fine chinese ass!! The teachers..well most of em suck too. Especially our RK teacher..God..she sucks balls man! She's also our discipline master. I'm like ugh..stupid much! She condemns people alot and none of you can deny that cos she seriously does. She looks and acts like some psycho nun! Like the ones you see on tv? Yeap...TOTALLY THE SAME THING!!!! The resemblence is so alike that it's almost amazingly weird.

Anyways..I g2g now..tuition and need to see the boyfieee..hahaha ciao bellos

&&TE ADORO DUM DUM..TE QUEIRO..MI VIDA

Finally a time to update~

2008-01-26T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hey guysss...been really busy lately with school and everything. I just found out that I can't take June O levels...Stupid shit~ I have to get like 5 credits in the last exam I had last year which is the end of year exam. And duh it comes to no surprise that I didn't get it. So yeah~ Just have to work extra hard and prepare myself for what's gonna come~ Things have been quite hectic for me lately~ Been so sleepy in school cos I usually stay up late to talk on the phone with the boyfie while doing my assignments~ I have so much overdue work! ESPECIALLY PHYSICSSSS!!! And to make things even more worse..there's this stupid POA test that's coming up on a topic I don't even understand!!

Some single account thingy...don't really know what it's all about, so yeah~ I'm getting ready to get a huge ass zero on the test actually. To makes matters even more worse , it's gonna be added up onto our 1st assessment test marks! 20% yo~ Fucking hell...that's quite alot of marks~

I really need to step up my game and I've been trying hard to really balance out my love life, social life and school. I've tried to set up some rules I have to stick to for the rest of the year. Well not the rest of the year, just til O's are over. I haven't completed the whole rule book thing, but I'm sure that I'll come up with good reasonable ones to stick to. I just need to balance out play time n study time~ Haha I sound like such a mom now. *smacks forehead*

Things between Azmi and I are better than ever. We went to the mall yesterday to hang out with some friends. We were supposed to watch Meet the Spartans, but it got banned. I saw that it was playing since Thursday and now when I wanna watch it, it gets banned~ Shit happens some times and I friggin hate it! TO THE CORE!!!

I saw Azmi's friend yesterday...this girl~ (once again I am putting no names up in here) Let's just name her 'C'. Well 'C' was just walking into weststreet when she saw Azmi and I together...and it's like she started whispering to him and I had a strong feeling she was asking him why he was back together with me. She never did like me. Well if I had a friend who had a girlfriend like me I wouldnt like the girlfriend either~ Can't blame her. I wasn't a good girlfriend anyways and I admit it. But thank god I changed. All the cheating and games are done for me. I'm settling down and sticking with it and none of you sad ol bitches can ever say anything to bring my hopes down.

Some of you may say, "Oh she's living in her own fairytale wonderland and blah blah blah." But ahakz I actually don't give a shit. You can say what you want, but you still won't dim my hopes down~ The relationship isn't all perfect you know~ We do fight and we learn to get over it. Just leave the mistakes down that godforsaken road and move on. Just learn not to do it again. Honestly...I've done alot to make this relationship work. And hell...I've done a fucking lot to get him back.

I'm gonna make this work no matter what and no matter how much it tempts me to cheat again..I won't. Yeah you won't believe me now, but seriously...I can't cheat anymore. I don't wanna go through what i went through when I kamikaze'd the whole relationship. Gah~ Azmi's sick mayn~

He's having a fever. I just got the message from Fyan, his bestie, just now. Azmi was supposed to meet me up at tuition just now, but he didn't turn up and he didn't pick up my calls either. Then I called his house and his maid told me that he was relli sick. His friend then replied my text. I'm really really worried right now. I texted him just now to reply my message when he wakes up and he hasn't even replied me yet. God, tomorrow I have Chem pracs so yeah, I'm just gonna swing by his house as usual and check up on him.

God I hope I can sleep tonight. I hope he replies my message...cos if he doesn't I don't think I'm gonna get one wink of sleep tonight~

All sorts of thoughts are running through my mind at this moment. God help me~ Seriously, I don't wanna point the finger at anyone right now, but I really can't push aside the fact that he fell ill cos he didn't get enough sleep. He spent the whole of last night looking for his friend..well more like brother to him, Zakee~ Gawd...Zakee ran away from Azmi's house. (he sleeps over Azmi's house almost everyday..practically treats it as his house) Azmi searched for Zakee with Fyan and Bulat til like 7 in the morning. They went home only at 8am!!!! I mean WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! It's so fucking inconsiderate. I mean like, what fucking guy would cry and run away from the house over some girl? It's all his fault that the relationship fell apart anyways~

He met up with the ex yesterday at gadong to get her back. But I heard that they didn't even say a word to each other~ I was like wtf? Zakee being the guy, he should make the first move and say something!!!! Atleast show that he gives a shit about the girl!!! Like wtf?!!! I already said...just let it go and treat it as like a lesson~~ Next time don't do the same thing again~ But NOOOOOOOOO...he had to go and run away from the house! Goddd..and because they had to search for him til morning!!! MY BOYFRIEND GOT SICK!!!! I m so fucking worried I really don't know what to do now. He's not even replying me :(

Shit i g2g...homework's callin~...See yuh..i'll continue tomorrow~~~~

ciao bello

&&please get well soon :(

sorryyyy

2008-01-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

Heyy! sorry that i haven't been blogging much guys. I have been real busy with loads of things~ one word..school..yes the every-grueling stage all us young people have to face before walking out into the unsuspecting world of..jobs. God..this school is putting so much pressure on me with all the tuition and shit shits~

One good thing that happened is azmi and i got back together..i had to grovel in pain just to get him back..well all the tears and sadness are worth it cos i finally found someone i truly love. How do I know? Well....you can ask all my friends about how I used to be last time about guys. I used to just treat em like dirt..cheat..cheat..AND cheat~ That was all I do and every relationship never lasted long cos I lost interest. I thought Azmi was just like any other guy..but no..he isn't. God..when we broke up i was so damn depressed. I was crying like almost every single day.

At that time, he actually went into another relationship with this other bitch..(once again..no names~keep dreaming). I tried to win his heart back and at first, he didn't wanna budge, but I still didn't give up and kept fighting and fighting for it. Crying everytime I think about him and in the end, I finally got him back and I have never been happier. Seriously peoples, I am truly, finallyyyyy happy with a relationship! I have actually found someone that I have stuck on for 8 months. Next month will be the 9th. The MAY will be A YEAR!!!

Finally something I can be proud of! First relationship that lasted this long and let's jux hope that it'll last til...well..forever~ I know it's corny and whatever and I know that things won't be smooth all the time. We do have our ups and downs you know. We're still human. I'm not gonna be like those love-blinded people and go *mocking cute voice* "Oh we're so damn happy and everything's fine and dandy and sooo perfect...ahakz"

Well if you think like that....all i have to say is.. = "YOU ARE LIVING ONE HELL OF A LIE. GROW UP KID COS NO RELATIONSHIP'S THAT PERFECT! LIVE WITH IT AND STOP DENYING IT!" No, seriously I have met people like that. Girls who claim that their boyfriends would never cheat on them. My god~ How stupid some females have become. Guys..will be guys. If you don't give em enough attention and you keep trustin em and giving them whatever they like...You'll soon end up a depressed divorcee with no money and 10 kids.

Trust me...that is sooo not pretty mayn~ You DO NOT want that. No matter how much you love someone, there's gotta be boundaries. I'm not saying that it's easy to you know, get really mad at the one you love, but you know, sometimes you gotta think of yourself and what would happen if you just let things go on that way. Now's the time to actually change things before things get serious. Show him that..eventhough you love him, he can't jux walk all over you like some dull red doormat. I have met some girls in my life before that would do anything, even hurt themselves for some boy that doesn't give a rat's ass about em. I mean, that's just plain stupid.

If a guy treats you like dirt, them leave him. You probably can't see it cos you're duh loveblinded. But the best way is to find someone whom you truly trust and tell em everything. Then ask that person to tell you the honest truth on how that guy treats you. If he/she tells you that guy's treating you like dirt, don't just believe em, but try to just wake yourself up and think in you're point of view. If you saw your friend getting treated the way that they guy's treating you right now, what would you advise her to do?

See, sometimes putting yourself into other people's shoes actually works you know. You can see things a bit better that way at times. In Azmi's case...I know him too well. He's not the kind to actually cheat on a girl. He loves me and I know it. Everyone says it. Even my bestfriends say it that's why I trust him..not fully, but atleast some trust is in the relationship. I'm so in love with him that for the very first time, I'm actually becoming very clingy. he said that he admits that it's a bit annoying, but he actually likes it.

It shows that I love him. All the protectiveness and the possessiveness are all proof that I actually love this guy. I'm so in love with him. And..some of my friends are actually happy that I'm finally sticking to one now. God...trust me when I tell you that karma's rage is not to be messed with. cos I wasn't one to believe in karma..but now I do..trust me when it bites you in the ass..it bites hardddd~~~

Newayz..im off to tuition now. Azmi's gonna be there so yeah..haha..gotz to go. If anything interesting happens again, I'll blog..but for now ciao darlings

&&I'm in love witchu..dumdumlove 157<3>

Another boring day..~~ i need my cigs

2007-12-16T00:36:00.000-08:00

Hey peoples!! I'm stuck in the hotel room again alone. I seriously regret not bringing my cigarettes cause this is actually going to a good opportunity to smoke my depression away, since I'm all alone in the hotel room and is going to be alone in here for the next 4 to 5 hours. I'm leaving for Singapore tomorrow and some of you may wonder why I'm blogging instead of shopping. Well let me tell you. My dad actually put a $2000 or $3000 limit on the credit card and turns out my mom exceeded the limit by putting everything she buys on it. In return..the credit card's useless til my dad pays the bill.

She called my dad just now and they got into a fight and for what? duh..money..what else?? It's stupid I tell you. Tomorrow we're going back to Singapore and after tomorrow, which is Tuesday, my parents and I are going to Eastern Europe! I'm so praying to god that this will not turn out to be another annoying fight trip cos I will kill myself! My parents always fight during trips and I have to put up with it. They usually put out they're anger and frustrations on me! THAT IS THE WORST PART and I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT. I can't wait to get back to brunei actually. I wanna see my friends and I wanna celebrate new year's eve with all my friends around me. I wanna stay out late this time and actually have someone other than my parents or my driver send me home!

I wanna stay out til late at night. I wanna stay out til 2 or 3 or 4!! Or better yet...check into empire hotel wit Fiz. She's checking in there on new year's eve. Lucky her. I wanna go to that party at empire on new yr's eve. Everyone's saying that it's the bomb and it's sorta like a normal party with dancing and all that. Just hotter people. $50 per head. Expensive I know, but it's worth it I guess. There's a first time for everything right? And I gotta enjoy my holiday 24/7 cos next year it's gonna be cram cram time for me. More studies and less play. I'm not going to sit around like a lazy bum anymore. I can't afford to. My mom swamped me with tuition and honestly I can't wait to go back to flying colours for tuition. I miss my fag buddies over there.

I miss my tuition mates. We arranged last year to be in the same class together again this year. All of us in the same class. Aji aint sure if he's going to flying colours again or not next year. All I know is, Bahzi and Atai are gonna be in the same class as me next year. As for the rest of the classes like those pure science subs. I guss I'm gonna be alone. Cos they're mostly all in combine science classes. I actually begged both my parents to let me transfer to combine science class next year, but they won't let me. They told me that I have too much potential to just give it up just like that and I can't catch up with the subjects that I'm taking now because I'm not paying enough attention to my schoolwork.

God..I hate it that I used to be a braniac last time, before I turned into a rebel. I used to be a straight A student. A complete nerd. But after Primary 6~ Things changed. In Form 1..whooo..that was the worst year for me. I consider that one of the many turning points I have in my life. I was a bad apple..trust me. I made the wrong decisions and did things I regret doing now. My close friends should know how I was last time haha. I used to be a bully and a huge pain in the ass to alot of people. Alot of people still see me as that girl, but I've changed alot since then. I don't know how, but I just did by myself and on my own terms. I've cut down on the number of cigarettes I take per day, the way I treat myself, the way I treat people and on alot of other things.

I'm a completely different from what I was before. I think before I talk..unlike some people I know. *sigh* I haven't bought anything at all for my friends. I think I'm just gonna do some shopping after I reach Singapore. I'm gonna buy myself a bottle of expensive vodka though. My mom has officially allowed me to buy liquor! We just bought 2 bottles of champagne when we reached Singapore. My bottle of vodka is still half full at home. My mom apparently, wants to train me how to drink and not get drunk cos she said it will come to good use when I go abroad for studies. What a good excuse to learn how to drink. hahaha.

God I miss brunei so so much. I bought loads of stuff for myself though. I haven't found anything that my friends would actually like. I boughtself a pair of maryjane heels, a new bag, chain, pencil box, watch, ring and now I'm left with only a new wallet to find. I've not spent alot cos these few days during my holidays, I've just been sleeping alot. I don't know why, just been very very tired. Maybe it's cos of my sore throat. My throat's really really sore.

I just found out that I'm going back to Singapore tomorrow at night tomorrow like at 9 plus, and that meanss....yes...some of you must have guessed it already....SHOPPINGGGGG!!!! HEHEHE..My mom told me that she's gonna use her credit card if the cash isn't enough. No idea why, but she got a change of heart hahaha. Weird. Well..this is what happens. Her mood swings here and there and this is one of the advantages. I just finished watching Asian Idol and surprisingly, Singapore's Idol won.

I have to admit though, he is hot and his voice is really really nice too. Tomorrow I'm gonna get my hair done and go shopping for my wallet and all the presents i'm supposed to bring back. Long list and I gotta get them done like asap!!! Otherwise I have alot of dissapointed people back home when I get back haha. Ouh...i almost forgot, I gotta go hunting for this cigarette..I forgot the brand..SKL i think~ It's menthol cherry flavoured, I'm planning on getting about 5 boxes. Haha. It's not like I come to KL every week. I have to sleep early tonight as I have to go get alot of things done tomorrow. My dad's gonna be in Singapore to meet us up tomorrow in the airport. That is such a bummer cos then I don't know how the hell Im going to smoke at home.

He's for sure gonna be breathing down my neck and all that pushing me to do this and do that and everything has to be neat and perfect for his eyes or he'll blow up like a big ass christmas balloon. I need to figure out a way to hide my 5 packets of ciggies though. Might have to keep em with my grandma for the time being. Then slowly hide them into my luggage while my parents aren't looking, like at night or something. Life's one big adventure for me at times. hahaha..

Anyways..Azmi told me that he's going to get sent to London by his parents cos they said that he's gonna be worse here in Brunei and I was like huh? I blanked out for a moment and cried so hard I felt like I was gonna puke. I didn't want him to go..not like this. I love him *sigh* Do I really have to let him go? My friends...some told me to let go..some told me to not give up on it. I don't know. I can't accept the fact that the relationship's over. I just can't accept it. I'm so not over it! Not in a million years. But ofcourse I won't go suicidal over it. I won't cos that's just plain stupid..

Anyways...I'm off to bed now. I'll blog tomorrow again maybe. OUH.if i don't blog tomorrow, it means that I'm probably busy packing for my trip to eastern europe. I'm going on tuesday, which is the 18th and is going to be on hiatus for about 9-10 days. I'll blog when I get back from europe. DO NOT HOPE FOR PICS COS U'LL PROLLY GET SO CRUSHED. hahaha nights

&&I miss you..so so much.be mine again :( Please? *im down on my knees*

Not so good day..but i shopped?!

2007-12-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hey guys!! I'm free noww...Just got some free time to spare so I'm just gonna blog and then sleep after this. I'm in KL right now. Arrived just now in the morning. Was an early flight. Had to get up at 6 sumthing in the morning. I was like a sleepy ass monkey waddling my lazy butt everywhere in the airport. My mom was doing the checking in and as usual I was told to do luggage check and put em in the belt thingy~ Then it suddenly dawned on me....STARBUCKS. It was next to my friggin check-in row! I squeezed $10 from my mom and got myself a rasberry frappucino. Trust me..it's yum-my. I don't take coffee..blagh..don't need it. Haha..and tea? Nahh..too predictable. Rasberry Frappucino in the morning? Hah!! Not many people would drink that in the morning.

I noticed everyone in the line asking for expresso's with double shots and all that stuff and I was like heh?!..Does everyone need to act like coffee's the only thing that wakes them up in the morning? Most adults need coffee..some teens need coffee too. Duhh..that's why starbucks got so famous. Yesterday was bloody depressing. Azmi and I broke up. I asked him 2 days ago if he still loved me and he said no, so..I thought about it the whole night on whether to let him go or to just try and work on the relationship. The ending was..I couldn't leave him and at first I tried to talk to him nicely on the phone, but he just wasn't saying anything to me at all. He was literally 'silent'. It's like he didn't wanna talk to me at all.

So in the end..I figured that if I couldn't make myself leave him then I'll make him leave me. I broke down crying like hell on the phone and begged him to let me go and stop leaving me hanging on a string like this and he cried too. We were like two sad fucks crying over the phone. After he finally said that he'll let me go, he said sorry and told me that he had to put the phone down and I don't blame him cos i feel 10 times worse. I couldn't take it and cried the whole entire day. Bryant texted me up while I was on the phone with Azmi and I was like about to cry already, but I just kept my tears on hold for a few minutes while talking to Bry. He told me that he wanted to hang out at orchard rd and all so I was like oh ok.

After I hung up, I couldn't take it anymore and I burst out in tears. I cried so damn much. I have never cried that hard over a guy in my entire life. It's 7 months down the drain..the memories that I most probably will never ever get back again. I miss him so much. If only you guys could understand my pain. All the games and cheating and playing around are things I would totally give up if I just had another chance with him. It's too late now..i think..I don't know. Right now I don't even know what to do. I'm crying again..every letter I type now..tears keep running down my face. I can't think about this..cos everytime I do, I just break down in tears, but I can't help it. He's always popping up in my head!

Do I really love him that much? Issit really true that you won't know what you really had til u lost it? Is that phrase actually true? All these years of meaningless relationships and finally this guy comes around knocking on the door to my heart asking me to let him in and I did..I may not know it, but I've loved him more than any guy I've been with in the past and present! I'm not sure if he's the one or not, but all I know is that..he's different..he's not perfect, but he's close to perfect. He's the first guy I actually trusted and loved and gave my heart to. Eventhough I do play around, he's the only one I let into my heart. The rest are jux empty games.

I'm depressed without him. I haven't been eating for so long. I just have no appetite at all. If only he knew how deep I feel for him and how sorry I am for neglecting him in the past so much til he lost his love for me. I love him..I still do, but..the mistake has been done..and I doubt that it can be undone. If I could wish for anything in the world right now, I'd wish for us to be together once again. The only way to get rid of my stress is shopping. It's the only way to get rid of any unhappiness I have and I did go shopping just now and bought some stuff, but right after that..I feel depressed again as thoughts of him seep into my mind constantly as I see a happy couple pass me by.

Most of you may call me over-dramatic, but really..I love him so so much and I was so fucking stupid not to see it. He loved me..I know he did..and I took advantage of his love and trust for me. Alot of people have told him that I have been going out with guys to watch movies..couple seats..and not once did he ever scream at me about it. He just got pissed and kept quiet. All this time he has just been keeping quiet and he never once got furious at me. He never threw his temper out at me..well atleast not infront of me. I know he really really loves me..I would do anything to get him back now. I miss him terribly and I regret my decisions.

I wanna take everything back. Every word that hurt him I wanna take it all back. Every thing I did that hurt him I wanna un-do it. But can I? What's done is done and there's no turning back. Karma's gonna bite me in the ass and I know it. Issit already doing it's job? I don't know. Maybe this pain and depression is just the beginning..I don't know. I always thought that if he left me, I would be happier cos I would be free, but no..unfortunately no. I'm not happy, much less happier.

I called fizah right after I hung up on Azmi and Fidz talked to me. She told me this story about her friend and the friend's boyfriend. Well this happened during the puasa period. The friend's boyfriend called to say that he had a surprise for her(fidz's friend). He told her that he would be going over to her house so that they could sungkai together. The girl got really excited and cooked alot of food for sungkai and she waited for him to come by the house..Funny thing is..he never turned up. She waited and waited and sungkai was already over and he still didn't show up. She got really worried and she then received a phone call from the police and they told her that her boyfriend got into an accident.

She went to the area where he crashed and turned out he died instantly. Guess what the saddest part here is..she found a card and a tiny lil box in the passenger seat next to the driver's seat and she saw a ring inside the box. He was going to ask her to get engaged with him. After I heard the story..I broke down. It was so fucking sad to hear that that actually happened to someone. Fidz then told me the moral of the whole 'kisah'. She asked me first, which would I prefer...to put Azmi's life in my hands or in god's hands..which would hurt less? Ofcourse lah in MINE! DUH! I wouldn't let him die! NOT EVER! NOT IN A FUCKING MILLION YEARS!!! NOT FOR ETERNITY!!

I love him too damn much to see him die. Now I lost him and it has hurt me enough!! To see him die? Hah! I would kill myself on the spot, even if it involves me have to cut my neck with a damn spoon I would rather die if he dies..I love him..so so much..and I just want him to know that..who knows maybe he would come back to me right? It doesn't hurt to hope..I've cried so many tears..haven't stopped crying for 2 days..Fidz said that she wanted to see me and Azmi when I get back..they were so scared that I'd commit suicide or hurt myself..cos Seriously for the first time..I'm not afraid of pain..and I'm not afraid to die. Cos I realised that this pain..the pain of getting hit right in the heart and the feeling of ur heart dying..hurts more than anything else in the whole world...

&&Azmi I love you for eternity..Lost you..But it doesn't hurt to hope

In singapore and hungry

2007-12-12T02:24:00.000-08:00

Hey guyss..I haven't been blogging for so long as I thought that no one was reading my blog, but hey....turns out that i do have one very loyal fan. hahaha. I won't give out any names, but lets just say that he's a huge fan. I'm in singapore right now with my mom..as usual, visiting the grandparents. Bry, one of my besties is in singapore too so that's a relief. Atleast I have someone to hang out with when I'm bored. I do need my mom too at times lol. Going out alone means limited cash. Going out with mommy means..'credit card please' hehe. Clever aren't I? uh huhhh. When it comes to these kind of things, I'm good. When it comes to schoolwork..I'm..let's just say..not really interested. Haha.

I'll be in form 5 next year..Gawd..O levels..I absolutely cannot stress out less about that issue. My mom's like piling up alot of tuition classes on me, so I doubt I have much time to spare in gadong anymore. *sigh* Now I know how it feels when you take o levels. Well I guess after all that suffering, it's gonna be all worth it cause there's a long, long holiday ahead after the exam. It's a one month exam though...*sigh* I have no idea how I am gonna cope next year. Give up my non-serious schoolwork days..and go all nerd-tastic on mahself.

My cousins are sleeping over my house til I get back to brunei. God my mom just won't leave me alone and Azmi isn't even replying any of my messages..Syair picked up the phone just now and he told me that Azmi got really pissed when he tried to wake him up. He threw things at Syair and slammed the door shut. He locked the damn door and didn't wanna go back out. *sigh* I really don't know what to do now. It's like..I'm afraid to lose him and I don't know why. Maybe it's cos of the fact that we've been together for like 9 months already. I really don't know. Or maybe I'm afraid that it'll get really awkward cos he knows alot of my friends. Or maybe..someone sabo our realtionship...the only thing I can think of right now is he cheated on me. I know most people would say that he wont do that to me..but there's no gurantee. Seriously, i'd rather he tell me that he doesn't love me anymore than to leave me for some other girl or is cheating with some other girl cos that would knock my pride 7 feet deep into the fucking ground. I just hate being in relationships in brunei cos it's like..wherever u go..ppl talk and soon gossip happens and the realtionship's toast.

I know that in relationships, both the couples have to trust each other and talk things out with each other and just now give up on the relationship..but in this case..i don't know. I'm just ready-ing myself to get my heart broken...again for the ten millionth time. If he leaves me..it's not like I have no other choices..but he's the first one that I have ever been with..the only relationship that got this far. I have met his parents already and he's the most protective boyfriend ever. Can I help it if my heart wanders around too much? I don't know what's happening. I seriously don't and Apek..I have a feeling that he has sumthing to do wit this cos he told me that his friend saw me with another guy whom he apparently thought was my boyfriend. He kept insisting and insisting til finally last night I snapped at him and told him to fuck off cos he was a pain in the ass.

He started telling me his stupid sad sob story telling me that he kept alot of things from me cos he didn't want me to get hurt and why I couldn't see that. Hello! NEWS FLASH! In case he hasn't found out, the things that might even hurt me..he has to tell me. As a friend..he should have told me cos I deserve to know! I don't wanna be like a fool going about my days not knowing about anything at all..then he suddenly brought up stuff that weren't evenr elevant like how i kept things from him too. I kept things from him cos I didn't want any trouble between him and his friends. He doesn't even have any real friends. Like seriously. Gawd..he can just be a huge pain in the ass at times. I just need to relax and take my mind off this issue

If Azmi doesn't wanna contact me nemore then fineee..be it..cos I am so sick n tired of this kind of shit. Seriously..next year it's form 5 and I can't afford to put up with everyone's shit. I have to put up with my parents and other people's too. Now my friggin neck is hurting and I have no idea why the hell i feel as though as I'm going to get a fever. Mayb it's just me..but seriously, the right side of my throat hurts like hell now and it's connecting to my head. I can actually feel my head hurt when I try to swallow my saliva!

Stupid weather..Everything's just pissing me off nowadays and now I have stupid people from around the apartment using my wireless internet! Gawd can't these people buy their own n just use it? I can't take it anymore..now my mom won't go over to the next room to sleep..it's so torturing..now I have to find a way to smoke..if I didn't look like shit now, I would go downstairs to smoke..but the problem is..I look like shit now..the people downstairs..mostly are my cousin's friends n the hot neighbours..so i can't really look like crap going downstairs..

Have to actually look ok~~ and not crazy-like..which is my current look haha. Gawd..the problem now is I need to smoke and I can't cos now I have to wait til every one's asleep then I can go to the kitchen and smoke throught the big ass window and watch people pass by. If I'm lucky, I can actually catch a couple fighting downstairs. I actually did try that once and I ended up getting so pissed that I threw a huge block of ice downstairs onto the car and i think I dented their car. Hey! They deserved it for disturbing my peaceful time.

Right now, I've been having alot of people crushing on me lol. I have no idea why. Not exactly crushing..just like disturbing me and all that. My status right now is totally complicated..First hakeem..then azmi..now..ugh! God! I feel like crying already. It's just so so ..eeee..complicateddd!!! *screams* I need to shop..so badly..

I need to smoke..most importantly..call someone!!!! I need to talk to someone so badly and I wish right now that I had a prima elite line..unlimited phonecalls for only $250 a month.wow.~

I don't see what's so hard in just paying $250 a month. It's better than paying my home phone bills and buying my easi cards cos it's gonna cost so much more. N no matter how many times they keep nagging on me..i'll never change that habit. Talking on the phone has become a hobby of minee..Seriously that hobby will never change. I can never live without my phone. Once my mom took it away and I took my grandma's phone and used it to my advantage lol. I used the prima elite advantage (:. Unlimited callss babyyy

I really really need to get my nails done tomorrow. I just can't find a decent manicure place to do my nails. I'm thinking of getting gel nail extensions. My grandma told me to save time and just go to KL and get them done. She just went out and got me a pack of cigs. VICEROY baby. The brand I've been longing to get ever since my cousins bought em in Singapore. They won't get me a pack. Let's just say, they don't really encourage me smoking. I have no idea why. I think they had a conference or something on the issue of me smoking.

Oh I just heard Chris brown's new song, with you. It's the bomb! Pure heaven. I've memorised the lyircs in like 2 days haha. There's another song called This Christmas by chris borwn too. It's the bomb. Christmas song re-invented! He made christmas so chris brown-ny..I know that sounded weird. but yeah I can't deny that I'm a die-hard fan of his. Haha. God i'll be 17 next yr (: one more year til I get my freedom baby. I just called Azmi and asked him if he still loves me or not and he said that he's afraid to say no cos he knows that if ihe says no then i'll leave him and he's afraid of that. It doesn't make any sense at all actually. He said that if he sees me around gadong..which he will cos it's my 2nd home, he'll feel all weird and it'll destroy his mood and he'll want me back..whereas me, at that time will enjoy my time being so so single and forget all about him and leave him in the dust.

It's true actually the fact that guys..they break up with you and then when they see you with someone else, they just want you back all of a sudden. It's funny that way. It's like they can't get over their stupid pride. No offense to you guys out there. It's true actually..well for most of em. I'm going to KL this saturday and I'm hoping that my mom will actuaqlly let me buy my stuff this time. Like no more giving me stupid excuses on why i souldn't buy the things that i wanna buy cos it's too damn expensive and I don't work for the money yet. That excuse is so done and over! It's not like I haven't figured out that she's just using that as an excuse so that she can use my red-packet money which my grandma gave to me. It's so stupid actually. My grandma and me bitch about her all the time.

Oh btw..if you guys find me talking about my mother this way wrong..SUCK IT UP. cos it's reality. Sucky mother..daughter bitches about her. Makes sense no? If you can't live with that fact then I suggest you navigate away from this page. SERIOUSLY. I had this reader read my page once and he/she..being the moron that he/she is..commented on the post I made about my mom being rude and told me that i souldn't do that cos my mom spent 9months suffering for me. Guess what? It doesn't apply anymore! I found out from my dad that my mom actually didn't wanna have a baby cos she was too damn worried bout her ownself so technically she didn't give birth to me on her own terms.

Selfish innit? And now she wants to take my cash away from me? Oh puh-lease. Im not that naive. U can see through her ways. It's not that hard to see her true face actually. She can so so transparent at time. Well most of the time. My uncle just told me that eastern-europe aint that fun cos he's been there before. And guess what..I'm going there for my end of year holidays. It's so so so damn stupid. I told her that I wanted to go to LA and she said no and went to book the friggin trip to eastern europe instead.

I miss brunei.. I miss my hometown *sigh*. I hate being homesick. It's getting me all frustrated and irritable. Thank god my cousins are sleeping over. Atleast They'll take the boredom away..they're taking my cigarettes away too! They think I don't notice them stealing my ciggies. Yes i do. I just shut up about it cos sooner or later I'm catching them red handed. They're not that good in the whole stealing business. They make too much noisse when they enter the room. They keep making me let them stay in my room for the night cos they know that my room has a window and they can smoke and they don't have to go all the way downstairs to smoke. They're stupid~

Duh!! There's a big ass window in the kitchen that they can smoke through. They just have to wait til everyone goes to sleep first. My bad..they can't wait that long. Haha. Anyways..i'll blog later on again if anything interesting happens or if i feel like blogging. Til then..tata (:

&&with you with you with you with you with you

Not a 'great' day but a good one

2007-11-17T09:26:00.001-08:00

STUPID..!!! YOU KNOW I ACTUALLY HAD A LONG LONG POST FOR YALL BT THIS STUPID FUJITSU LAPTOP MY MOMMY GAVE ME FUCKING DELETED IT ALL SO THANX TO IT YALLS ARE NOT GONNA GET AN UPDATE OF MY LIFE TONITE AND I JUX WASTED AN HOUR'S WORTH OF TYPING ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT!! FUCK EVERYTHING! GAH! SO PISSED NOW.

IM BACKKK

2007-11-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Hey guys. Im back on the blogging spree! (: My exams are done and overwith and I have nothing much to do online so I'm just gonna start blogging again. Yes, some of you may get tired of my on n off blogging habit but hey, i blog on my own terms.

My results turned out pretty ok. I got 50 plus for an average and thank god im able to get to form 5. Shit..next year I'll b havin my o levels. damn! Ouhhh the pressure the pressure :( After o levels then i'll b startin college and after college..UNI.after uni..WORK!!! Time goes by so so fast. Bt i prefer to take it slow actually.

After college Im plannin to look for work first then im gonna for uni when im ready. Need to enjoy life first right? Cant work all the time and no play. I just finished installing adobe photoshop onto my mom's lappy. Can't wait to see what's so amazing about it. yes I have never in my life used adobe photoshop!! GET USED TO IT!!! YES IM SAKAI. hahahaha

Havent been goin to school for 2 days now. So damn bored at home. My parents asked me to go to the office to work. I was like hell no!!! hahaha. work for them? Can u spell HELL?! Haha but surprisingly they are people who wanna work for them. One of my ex schoolmate and his friend wants to work for my dad. haha so surprising. They haf no idea what their getting their asses into haha. My dad is a really really strict boss. If i were to work for him..god i would come home crying. The amount of work they pile up in the office is so ridiculous. It makes me afraid to work. haha. trauma trauma!

Tomorrow, i'll be going to gadong again with Ekam. My 'lepak buddy' haha. Ouh there are some songs you guys should really listen. These songs are the shit! hahaha no really..they're really nice to listen to. [Crying out for me by Mario, Circle by Paramore, I Wanna Be by Chris Brown, Angel of Mine by Monica and Bed by J. Holiday] Those songs are a cross between jiwang and chill-out. Very very relaxing. Hehe.

I can't wait for tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to school tomorrow. There's practically nothing to do there. Well there actually is..erm I actually have to give my report book to my class teacher. Very troublesome. I haf to go to the main office to collect it first cos i did pay for it last time bt they didn't have the correct copy that time (talk about careless and inconvenient) and they asked me to collect it with the receipt when the right copies arrive. THEY NEVER EVEN GOT BACK TO ME OR ANYTHING!!!! So I couldn't possibly remember to get the right copies. I have too many other important things to worry about.

I think that the stupid 'bangla' teacher's gonna call my mom very soon in a few day's time for the report card. My mom really hates it when she calls cos my mom hates the way she talks. Seriously there was this time she and my other Science teacher dragged my mom into this so-called meeting room, which is a dump btw, and tried to lecture my mom. My mom got pissed of the way they were talking to her. It's like they were trying to teach her how to raise me. Which was totally out of line btw. Then that stupid bangla told my mom that my should spend more time with me and everything. My mom got so mad.

But as usual, she kept her cool and went ol bitch-ness on em. Hah!!! In their faces!!! I was laughing inside and I felt so good haha. My mom told em off and told em that it wasn't fair to put all the blame on me as I'm only a teen and some of the blame should be taken by the teachers themselves and the parents. Which is so damn true. Even though I wouldn't like it, she should've done something more other than keep telling me off every single day cos when will adults get it? We youngsters DO NOT RESPOND TO YOUR NAGGINGS!!!!! Not anymore.

Maybe the kids in the past would but HELLLOOOOOOO, it's like 2007 and coming to 2008 soon! The youngsters nowadays are exposed~ We're clever now...not clever as in lawyer-doctor-bookworm-straight A's-nerd-geek-clever..but as in 'street smart'.

We know what we want and we know what to do most of the time. We do not need the adults telling us that we have no say in everything just cos we're young! We do have a say and our ideas and thoughts should be heard. We don't like having our mouths sealed shut by other people. This family of mine has this kind of habit. The children-should-be-kept-in-the-dark habit. It's just not right. We do have thoughts and ideas that the world should know. We are the future (:

Sometimes I really wonder...why can't adults ever understand the young? They were kids once too. Maybe it's cos they love us so much or maybe it's cos they think that being a 'parent' means that they have total control over us..in which i must say is total bullshit. When I have kids, hopefully not anytime soon haha, I'm gonna be a supportive mom. My mom's supportive, but at times, she can be a real pain in the ass and a real psycho! For example, last night, she woke up at 2am and started going crazy. She was throwing things and screaming at me at the top of her lungs like some mental patient who just escaped from the mental ward~

Just cos I wanted to sleep late. It's not like I have school you know. Well I do, but it's not like I'm going!!! I can sleep late. She always compares me to the Malays. Which is like totally racist. I have no idea what the chinese have against the Malays. It's totally ridiculous!!! IT'S RACISM!!!! It should not be practiced! So what if we're Chinese? So what if our traditions are different? We're still humans!! What's wrong with the Malays anyways? I find em very open-minded and fun to hang with! There's nothing wrong with em. And btw..I still don't get it, why do people think that just cos a youngster smokes, they're bad?

Smoking doesn't prove that a person's bad or whatever. It's not like we're smoking weed right?? Smoking is bad for our health..THAT I KNOW ALREADY!!! EVERYONE KNOWS IT!!! and we teens nowadays are exposed to alot of other teens who smoke. We're surrounded by smokers. I know some of you out there who are going like 'eeww' and 'ugh', well NEWS FLASH PEOPLES, whether you like it or not, just like my mom said, any teen who hasn't thought of smoking or tried or is smoking is retarded!!!!! I'm sorry peoples, I gotta be harsh here cos it's the truth.

I smoke..my other friends smoke..it doesn't prove that we're bad people. We're still normal people who go out and have fun and go to school. We do not take drugs!!! Yes, cigarettes are a mild drug..MILD ok! WEED is a strong drug and there are people who take it. Now that is bad. My mom knows I smoke, and I think my dad knows too. They just don't talk about it. Well my mom does, but she doesn't mind. My grandma in Singapore, she rocks mayn. She knows that I'm underaged and I can't buy ciggies there so she buys em for me!! ROCK yaw!! hahaha

She's rugged. She's a really cool grandma. She can be really strict too, but she's understandingly strict. Can't imagine why my mom and my uncles are so afraid of her. They said that she used to be very strict last time. Haha. Funny~ Well, now she's just enjoyin life. She eats what she likes and she definitely says what she likes too. I love her with all my heart and out of any other relative I have, she's gonna be on the top-loved list.

She's the coolest grandma I can ever have (: Really can't imagine life without her. It's 11pm and i'm left with less than an hour til I have to call Aji..Well, in case you guys are wondering who he is..Shh..I aint tellin u shit bout him! Haha!! Only my close circle of friends know bout him haha. The rest of you outside that circle can forget bout finding out bout him. Haha. Ouh there was this girl who called me a bitch on friendster and alot of people have been asking me about it.

I aint revealin any names, so you nosey bitches can forget bout gossip! Haha! Well there's this chick who bitched bout me on MSN apparently with her other friend, just cos she was in a 'pissy' mood. She called me a bitch just cos I put her boyfriend in my featured friends list. Hey!! Me putting her boyfriend in my featured friend list doesn't mean that I'm going to steal her boyfriend! It's not like I want him! My godd!! I draw a line at stealing other people's boyfriends man.

I got better and more useful things to do other than these immature shits bitching about useless and meaningless things online. Gawd when will these kids grow up?! Some people thought that I would be pissed..come on peoples..why would I waste my time being pissed at these lowlifes? Unless it's a serious matter and they bitched bout my mama, then I'm gon start kickin asses.

Apek just told me that he saw Azmi with this girl and that his friend saw Azmi holding hands with that girl..My god..hahaha I got off the phone with Azmi just now and he told me that the girl was Aza..this friend of mine just salam him and dats it. Maybe that was what Apek's friend saw. Apek just saw him with that girl. And he was like so fucking sarcastic when he told me about it. Stupid..he thinks that I would care. Well, i would a lil bit, bt I aint gonna go crying and getting all mental about it. I would just chill and play him back (:

Hell yeah cos that's what im best at! haha. Apek's just being an ass, trying to get to me. Annoying much. I swear, he's like the most immature human being! For his age, he is fucking immature. But...sometimes he can be a good friend too..he just needs to get the idea of me ever being his girlfriend outta his head cos seriously, it will never happen!!! He is not my typeee!!! And eventhough he loves me, it will never work wh.

He says I choose boyfriends by looks, who doesn't?? f.y.i: everyone has their own type of guy. There's alwes someone for everyone!! Never a noone for someone. Sometimes love doesn't give us all a chance. It may take some time for some of us to find the perfect one, but when we find it, I'm sure it's gonna be hella worth it!!! Just yesterday, Apek told me that he wanted to fight with this other friend of mine just cos he thinks that he's 'ambung' which is totally ridiculousss!!! He also thinks that this friend of mine wants to take advantage of me. I was like 'what????'

Man this is one long ass blog. Issit longer than the other long one I made? *that sounds sooo wrong* Haha. Ouh yesterday I tried my hand at photoshop-ing and here's the pic I made.

It may not be the best photoshopped pic, but hey I just started ok!!! And that was the only moto I could think of!! I had to search everywhere for the brushes and I finally went to this site for brushes and I found itt!!! Yay me! hahaha..Dayum I've been writing this for like an hour already. How long is this? haha. Anyways, I gotta go!!! I'll write soon..hopefully tomorrow if anything interesting happens again alright.

ciao my readers (: til tomorrow

He who calls me babycakes shall be...SUPAH NIGGUH!!

Back and with a vengeance

2007-10-23T22:40:00.001-07:00

Lolx im jux kidding bout the vengeance part. I'm having my exams right now so yeah im pretty stressed out. Can't go out to gadong. I miss gadong like crazy especially my usually hangout peoples. GAWD I need to get out of the house before i drive myself nuts! Im having chemistry paper 1 and english paper 2 tomorrow. Should be alright cos my chemistry's alright. I've revised anough. My bio was pure shitville just now. I'm so failing that paper, no doubt bout it whatsoevah! My mom just left for singapore so yeah im free now! without the whole hassle bout goin to tuition and the shitz~

I hate my stupid p.o.a tuition. its so boring and the time seems to go so slow whenever im there. i've been stumbling upon loads of hot guys on friendster lately lol. NOW then they all appear~

I've been getting so picky on guys lately god.cant seem to find the ones i like. the ones i like usually i cant get..the ones i dont really like, so easy to get. Now im finally realising what i like. GUYS WHO PUT UP A CHALLENGE. One thing about me that I have just realised is that I get bored easily in relationships. I need a relatonship to be challenging and surprising. not the ones that are so predictable and the guy always ends up being the girl. I need a guy who acts like he wears the pants in the whole relationship. someone who can control me. Trust me it is not easy to control me. I do what i like as i please. There was someone who could do that before but i let him slip away. *sigh* yes my friends should know who he is..lemme give u a clue..his name starts with 'N' lol.hottest guy i've been with. he ended up telling me that he had someone else and ol that shit.

I tried to put up with it but in the end i just let him go. I knew that i needed to let him go as it wasnt my war to fight. Im the second one. If i was the first one then i wouldnt mind but hey being the third party in a relationship is a really cheap ass move for a girl. And i know that i aint that cheap! Hurmph, eventhough he was hot and nearly perfect, it aint worth giving up my pride and self-respect. I used to think that looks was everything, but eventhough the guy's hot, i realised that if he aint got no personality and has no friggin control ovah the whole relationship then he aint worth my time. i hate guys who get too clingy and doesnt gimme space. it really really frustrates me and i end up pushing him away.

I used to think that i was afraid of love, but im not. i just havent found the right one yet. I need a lasting relationship..something that i'll b so into for the rest of my life. the fairytale come true kinda shit lol. hard to find yes i know. but seriously..after watching what happened to my parents..im like super terrified of marriage and commitment lol.People do change and there's not a doubt bout that!

I'm so craving for those colourful cupcakes at chill cafe. Gawd i miss em lolx. So yummy..colourful..bt fucking expensive. Yes i know i promised to keep this blog PG but i cant help it haha. You know it's so damn amazing how some people can just annoy you so much til u feel like murdering em. gawd..lol. yes that was very very random but oh wellz.im a random person. Hahahaha..newayx this is it for now. will continue tomorrow.

ciao bello

&&can't for the exams to fly by.

BAD MOOD..

2007-09-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

You know..I'm really thinking of going into hiatus..seriously!..hahaha i can't take the whole blogging thingy nemore..no mood to do it..well anywhooossss~~~HIATUS TIMMEEE!!! see u guys when i decide to start this up again aytes? byez

He's mad at me...AGAIN!

2007-09-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

Gah..slay's mad at me again~ He turned off his phone. confirm ia marah tue. Cos tdi my friend called me up while I was at tuition and trus I had to go offline. Then I did jua message him that my friend called me up. How the hell was I supposed to know, that friend of mine came to my tuition centre? It's a girl btw..don't get it twisted. Then I had to layan her and talk to her bout the problems she was having. She was kinda having a really emotional time, so I had to talk to her about her stuff and keep her away from my handphone cos she loves to check my messages.

I had to hide my phone and put it on silent. Now he's all mad at me cos I didn't layan him from like just now which is..erm..2.30pm til 5.30pm. I just messaged him just now to say I'm sorry and explain why I had to kinda like put him away for like 2 hours. Trust me that girl can talk..and when I mean talk I mean like non-stop TALK. Seriously, I have no idea why I put up with her. GAHHHH!! His phone is still off...Gawd I'm so gonna cry now huhuhu..KLEENEX PLEASE! Habis krg sekotak kleenex ah. Hahaha

Well..anyways in the mean time~ Just now when my dad brought me home from tuition, we saw the royalty's pink mercedes 'S-Class'!!! It was in metallic baby pink..Whoooo!!!! Haha it is like the best car ever! I really love that car~ Ever since I saw it at Empire Hotel..gawd..I WANT ITTT!!!! *HINT* DADDDDDYYYYY!!! Credit card please? Hahahaha..nda deh..anyways..They were going back to the istana for sungkai I think. Out of the blue, this broken down sorry excuse for a car appeared and it overtook, lemme repeat that overtook the royalty's mercedes! Everyone in Brunei, even the morons would know that you can't just overtake the royalty's car! My dad's car was right behind the car and the royalty..entah the prince or princess or whoever opened the door and asked the bodyguard to overtake the car and try to stop the person driving the car~

The car just tried to make a break for it. LOL..funny as hell~ A broken ass car trying to run from a mercedes..right~ Like that's gonna happen. Even at the istana gate, the car didn't wanna stop! My dad..being the *scoff* patriotic Bruneian that he is..tried to stop the car..It was like Brunei's too fast too furious...Except that the drivers were both really old and yeah~ Cars sucked..well mine didn't..PORCHE CAYENNE TURBO ok! hahahaha! The 2 indons stepped outta the car and walked to the passenger seat which was my seat thank yew very much! My dad just opened the window and started screaming at them and telling them to stop cos the royalty already tried to pull them over.

They were like sorry boss sorry boss..Gawd can you imagine if they tried to pick a fight with my dad? Har har..I would be like scared shitless. I don't wanna get beaten up by 2 indons man. Haha..Azmi texted me just now and asked me why my car stopped there. He was on his way back from tuition too. He told me that he and the driver was about to step out of the car cos he thought that the 2 indons wanted to fight my dad..pfft~ Yea right~ My dad would grind they're sorry stick-skinny asses to the concrete floor. Lolx. When the bodyguard arrived..my dad just drove off. Azmi told me that the bodyguard was huge~ Well duh! hahaha..ngoks~ He said that the indons were scolded pretty badly..Tsk tsk~ Yatah..len kali jan cuba kn jdi urg fast n furious..ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE CRAP AND YOU ARE NOT BRUNEIAN! Lesson learnt~ Never ever mess with the royalties.

Except for the shitty ones. Well those are the ones I would definitely kill. Lolx. I know a few..trust me..they think they're the shit, but they're not. They may be royalty, but just a very small tiny minute one.

GAHHHH HIS PHONE IS STILL OFFFFF!!!! Huhuhuhu now I'm really gonna cry..He read my blog last night. He said that what I wrote was really sweet and all. I was blushing like crazy while reading his message. My mom was asking me why I was all blushy blushy and I just smiled at her. She got the hint~ LOlx..yes..she can be really supportive at times, but sometimes she just makes me wanna strangle the life outta her. I need a cigarette~ *random much*Anyways..he just replied my message *smiles like an idiot*

til next timeee ciao bellooo

&&slayyyyy...lovinnn yew hahahaa random

2007-09-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

Que que pasooo!!! Hahaha..Sorry..random much~ I just finished dinner. So full..gah..I need a diet. Well, I had fun just now at the mall with 'slay'. I bumped into Aji (my tuition mate) there too. He was there with some friends. I don't think his girl-friends liked me too much. They kept giving me looks. Who the hell cares? Hahaha! Not my fault..durg bida..hahaha..seriously I really hate it when people whom I don't even know and don't even know me, start giving me looks. It pisses me off straight up! Gah..enough of the haters. Well anyhoots~ Aji, slay and I went over to Pantai Jerudong. We had loads of fun in the car, singing songs and disturbing people when we're on the road. *sigh* We had so much fun just now. I just miss him so damn much now.

He didn't look too happy just now. I admit, apart from watching a movie just now, we didn't really have much time alone together. I'm just afraid to lose him. I really really really am into this guy now. He made me cry just now at the veranda when he and I were together alone. He expressed everthing to me..how he felt bout me and everything. His words are sooo sweet, it sends me floating~

Yeah..well I just finished pujuk-ing him..ugh..he was mad at me just now..Gah i hate it when he gets mad at me..it just makes me cry.The fear of losing him..is always around me. I really hate losing someone I really love. Duh..sapa jua inda right? hahaha..ngoks~ Gah I M SO INTO THIS DUDEEEEE >.<" sorry..I just had to let it out. Tomorrow morning I have to go to tuition in the morning. Malay tuition and all my good friends quit already! I'm like the only one left. BORING!

newayz.til tomorrow..i need to talk to slay on the phone before he gets mad at me again. ciao

&&I LOVE HIM..gawd help me..

I love him..i Love him not

2007-09-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the very random post haha! Haven't been posting for a very long time. Not much has happened though, so you guys didn't miss anything. Ouh btw. My party..the sweet 16..was the bomb! Everybody had a great time! Well, some didn't. It was kinda like a raving thing, you know..partay partay and the whole clubbing shitzz. It was the bomb! Well, at first it was boring, but by 9pm..a shit load of people started pouring in! When I mean a shit load I mean ALOT!!!! Everyone was dancing their asses off and some were even drunk. Too bad I didn't get to dance with Fadh..my bouncer. He was looking so hawt that night! Gah..Oh wellz..haha I had fun that night. BEST SWEET 16 EVER~

Well after the sweet 16 was over, some shit in the family started to stir up. My relationship with my mother aint going so well either. Gawd! I'm so frustrated by it. It's driving me insane!!! It's like every single day she tries to pick on me and make me feel like the enemy. Before her..I had this psycho maid, Maricel..Gah..She caused so much trouble in the house, I swear to God I was singing praises at the top of my voice when they shooed her outta the house door. Before that she ran away and 'amazingly' managed to sneak out of the house! I really salute her! I have been trying to do that for years and she managed to get outside the big gigantic godforsaken gate!!!!! I was like WHAT THE *beep*!!!!!!!!! Yes..I have decided to put on some censoring ok?! LIVE WITH IT!

Well anywaysss..yeah, she managed to get out of the damn house! I was like omg..I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FOR YEARS N SHE FINALLY DID IT IN LIKE A NIGHT!!! Stupid mother*beep* *beep* *beep* #&$$%%**$$%%##%*!!!!! Ok anywayz, forget it! Talking about it, pisses me off and it makes me wanna have that sneakout streak again. Ugh, that was like 3 years ago! Puh-lease do not make me repeat that story cos I really hate those 3 years ago moments. So immature and so stewpid! $#*$**#%%!!!

School holidays was fun while it lasted. School's starting this Monday. Gah! The feeling of 'not enough holiday' is a very shitty feeling I tell you. I hate this feeling. I'm so stressed out. I need a new haircut and a new hair colour. I'm gonna go trim my hair this Sunday at Kenny's Salon. I hope he does a great job cos if he doesn't, I'm gonna go mental on his ass. Sometimes, I don't relli trust Brunei's hairstylists. Very hard to find good ones cos yeah..It's BRUNEI duh! The last time I went to this salon, which was supposedly known for it's good hairstylists, RUINED MY HAIR! It looked nice at first, but when it grew out, all hell broke loose! I got so frustrated with my hairstyle that time and had to put up with it for like 3 months.

I went back to Singapore and the hairstylist there asked me who the hell cut my hair and I just said the word 'Brunei' and she just shut up like she just knew that I cut my hair here. I'm like..WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!!!???? Can't they find 'decent' hairstylists for chicks here?! Do they want this country to be filled with pretty people with ugly hairstyles?! Gawd!!! Gah!!! I'm sorry peoples. Don't get all mad at me ayte. I just need to let out some stress here. I need a frigging break here! If I had a dollar for everytime I curse, I think I'm gonna be really really REALLY rich! My friends in school should know. Hahaha, especially the people in 4cs.

Well, my love life's going well..I met this dude..well let's just call him 'slay' shall we? (: Well 'slay' is a really nice guy. Very funny..kinda cute..makes me laugh all the time and we just you know, we click. He's a nice turn from the rest of the guys I have been dating for the past few months. We had alot of funny moments together. Like the time he brought me to the beach. Cali! We were climbing up the rocks and well, I don't really like climbing rocks for the fear of 'rolling' off the rocks and really injuring myself scares the living shit outta me. He helped me up the rocks and I was like whimpering all the way up like a frightened puppy.

'Slay', the little mean ass he is kept laughing at me..LOL..it was all kinda cute and comedy-ish. But yeah, we had a really good time. Good memories to keep. I really really love him..like alot! Entah ah..he and I..it's different. It's a different turn from the past relationships I have been having. *sigh* I'm just praying for the best now. My relationships don't always last very long, but I'm rooting for this one. I'm really hoping that this one will last long cos I really cannot imagine me without him. Gawd I'm getting so jiwang now. Hahahaha..This is so not me. I'm usually the 'i-dont-really-give-a-shit' kinda chick, but now..I really don't know what the hell has gotten into me. I really don't. God save me from this feeling.

well..this is all I gotz for u guys. til next time..ciao bello (:

&&WE'RE THE PSYCHOTIC COUPLE N WE GO ROAR N *BITES*

Assessment test..THURSDAY! PANIC

2007-08-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

Well..there's just 2 more days til my Assessment Test. Everyone is asking about my party. I told my mom to make enquiries at the Polo club already and she did, but she hasn't tell me what the news was. She just changed the subject and chased me upstairs without telling me a single thing. I hate it when she does that. I can't tell my dad either cos I don't even know the price of that place yet. If I tell him, he might blow up and go pull that it's-too-expensive-shit on me.

Well..the Taiwanese visitors aint back yet. My dad just bought the Nintendo Wii yesterday and yeah, it's kind of fun, but quite tiring cos you need to use your energy to play it, especially when you're playing Wii Sports. It's like you can put yourself in real-life situations. Well, not exactly real-life. Sort of like, the animated version of you. Nintendo Wii consists of roleplaying games. You can actually move around and all that. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, go look it up on the internet. If you really don't know what a Nintendo Wii is, let me ask you..don't get offended cos I'm serious here. WHICH CAVE DID YOU CRAWL OUT OF? Have you been like isolated from the modern world?

Lolx. I'm sorry, I just needed to get that outta my system. Gawd..I hope my party turns out well..ouh the pressure!!!! The pressure on having a good party and the pressure of getting good results on my Assessment Test. Yesterday, my phone got confiscated by the councillors during a spot check. At first, I though they didn't see it cos I hid it like on my baju kurung kain, don't ask me how cos I won't tell (DO NOT THINK WRONGLY COS I'LL SMACK YOUR HEAD). When the spot check was over, three of the councillors walked up to me to 'specially check' me. I panicked on the spot! My phone is like my life. I spent the whole day moping around school, worrying about how I was gonna get my phone back and then, I had no choice, so I just called up my dad and told him to type out a letter and bring it to school personally. As usual, he had no time.

He went mental on the phone and not on me thank God, but at the school. Trust me, you do not wanna know what he said. Too 'explicit'. Well instead of my dad, my mom came to school. She came at like almost 1pm and I had to go with her to the main office to collect the phone from the deputy principal, since the discipline master went home early because he had a sore throat that day. BAD IDEA! When the deputy principal went into her office to get my handphone, my ex-Science teacher came out of the staffroom and bumped into my mom. Once she found out that that was my mom, she immediately brought up the topic about me not attending practicals and blah blah blah. The the deputy principal had to bring out my class teacher. Gawd!

They pulled me and my mom into this meeting room where they were lecturing me and informing my mom about what was going on with me in school and my class teacher said that I was doing well in my course work, but my attendance for the practicals isn't enough, so they have to think of an alternative for me. I have no idea what the alternative is, but yeah, I'm willing to take it. Too late to do anything now. My mistake has been done and yeah, I can't go off saying that I don't regret it cos I do, but what can I do right?

Anyways..g2g..ciao..till tomorrow ciao belloz

Night chaos..visitors..stupid teachers.

2007-08-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't get the time to blog last night cos I was busy sitting in the living room and entertaining my Taiwanese relatives. Well they're not really my relatives, it's just that this couple are friends with my grandparents. The husband was the one who brought my grandfather to the hospital in Taiwan when my grandfather had a stroke there. When they first told me that they were gonna be staying over my house, I really didn't like the idea of it, but turns out that it might be alright...yes..cos they have a hot son. Lolx..Well, he isn't hawt hot..just you know, kinda like averagely good-looking.

I'm gonna be stuck at home these few days as my Assessment Test is coming up, so yeah. It might be nice to have some company around. Right now, they're all at my great grandmother's house. Oh Oh..I just received great news. My best friend, Hayley, she broke up with her boyfriend Yusuf! Thank God! Now I just hope that she can be the same ol' Hayley again. The one I knew before all this boyfriend-girlfriend madness. *sigh* They're not back yet!!!..Only my grandmother came back from my great-grandmother's house. Damn it. I wonder where they could be.

I pity that boy..he must be bored to death at this moment lolx. I know how he feels cos I've gone through this before. This is the exact reason why sometimes I hate going over to KL with the family cos I have to visit relatives and hear them talk about stuff I don't know shit about. Old people's stuff y'know? Anyways, my friends suggested that I should have my birthday party at the Polo Club. I don't know, I have to talk this out with my mother and pray to god that noone has booked the place yet. I'm gonna have a VIP section too for my close friends. People I always hang out with.

Here is the list of people who are gonna be on the VIP list. It's not complete yet, but yeah. Here are some of the people who are the VIPs:

Table 1:

Bryant
Richmond
Nicholas
Sharon
Wan Yuri
Fiqah
NuNu
Umi
Azmeena
Ka Erah
gah..make it simple..the people whom I know in TSH.
Hayley
Fizzah

Table 2:

Syirah
Fizah
Zahar
Mira
And they're other close friends.

Ok those are the people I could think of. The rest, I'm not sure yet. If some of you guys aren't chosen to be in the VIP seats then I'm sorry k cos I really need to think this over with my friends too to make them feel comfortable at where they're sitting and who they're sitting with. I hate mess ups, so I really need this to be good. The final VIP list will be posted on my blog by either Tuesday or Wednesday. So, keep checkin out my blog.

This party thing is taking it's toll on me. I'm like so swamped with ideas. I just need a dress, something to swim in and some party clothes I can change into. You don't seriously expect me to be dancing in my dress right? I don't wanna rip it. My mom would kill me cos I'm sure that the dress she's gonna get me will be expensive. Last year my dress cost like $200++ cos it was imported from Australia. This year I wanna get something different. Maybe special-made, so that it'll be unique and made to my exact liking.

I'm being such a total princess now, but yeah, as I have said before...YOU ONLY TURN SWEET 16 ONCE!!!! Peoples puh-lease remember that. (: If only we could all get our driving licences for free. I wonder how that would be like. Getting a new Porche for my 16th birthday. Whooo hooo!! I would be the happiest person on earth. The school would need to build a bigger parking lot as all the students in form 4 and 5 would be driving their own cars to school and everyone would be showing off their rides. God that would be like a dream come true.

In America, being 16 is like being an adult already. You have your car, you have your freedom and whooshhh there you go. HAPPY (: Grr, but here you have to wait til 18. Right now, I just can't wait to turn 16. Who knows right? My parents might finally cut me some slack. But now I just really need to focus on my studies. I need to get good grades to prove to my parents that I really actually deserve this party and that I'm worth every cent they spend on me! Well I AM!!!!!

I will smack you in the head with my Charles & Keith high heels if you disagree with me...lolx..Joking~ I aint THAT psycho~

Anyways, I gotta go now. Gotz to get back to my books~ Esehmen..who the hell am I kidding? lolx. I gotta go take a hot bath and sleep. *yawns* Sleepy~ til tomorrow..ciao darlings

&&when the hell is he coming back home..

Lovin it..

2007-08-16T20:50:00.001-07:00

Excuse the random title up there. I couldn't think of a title. I suddenly feel like blogging. >.<" don't know why, I just feel like blogging. Gawd this stupid Kelly Rowland song just came on. I forgot the title of this song. It's about kids who commit suicide and just threw away their dreams. Come to think of it, I was in a suicidal state when I was 13 years old. I was in my worst state. I think it was a phase every teen has to go through. We're all bound to experience that turning point at some part of our lives. You just have to choose which road you should take. Some people have made decisions they have regret, but let me tell you, I seldom regret my decisions.

Alot of people, even my mom have asked me how I manage to keep myself happy even in the worst situtations. I have thought about the answer for a very long time and the answer is to look at the brighter side of things. Sometimes I do feel like shit, but it'll last probably for like 5 minutes or 24 hours and that's as long as it gets. I have experienced sadness, anger and pain. Trust me it has taken it's toll on me and I have learned alot from my past. Some of you would just scoff and walk away, saying that you have gone through so much more. Ok..you may have, but what I have gone through is MY experience, MY past, so gimme a break here.

Now, I'm just trying to keep myself and my life on track and steer myself away from the wrong decisions. Even if I do make the wrong decision, I learn from it and hey, it's good exposure. You can't just seal yourself in your own tiny world forever. Sooner or later, you have to learn to survive in the world. Especially when you wanna take up business studies or any of the high professions, you have to learn how to survive out there. It's a dog eat dog world out there. When it comes down to the worst, the only person who can solve your problems is yourself. Noone can really understand your problems. Only you understand your own problems and that's why YOU are the best person to solve your own problems. Other people are just there to give you some help, but most of the work has to be done by you.

Right, who am I to tell you what to do right? Well you can think bout it. I have thought long and hard bout what I think and yeah, that was pretty much it. You know, I just realised~ Normally other people's blogs would just contain their daily activites and what has happened to them, but in my blog, it's like I'm writing a story of my life, it's like a real life book. Well the only difference is it's free and it's on the internet~ This blog is like my own private diary. Sometimes I kinda regret doing this whole blogging, exposing my feelings kinda thing, but whereelse can I put all my thoughts and feelings in? A diary? Nyeh~ I'm just to lazy to write.

Ouh I just heard this new song by JoJo. It's called Beautiful Girls. It's kinda like the female verion of Sean Kingston's Beatiful Girls. You should seriously listen to it. It'll give your boyfriend or boyfriend's' a little pinch in the heart *evil grin* Anyways yeah, there's this guy..I like him alot.I aint tellin you his name!!!! *kicks* I don't know, I like him, and I think he likes me back too, but, but..I don't know gah! This is so frustrating.

Oops. i g2g, just remembered,have to go to lunch with my mummy at 12.30...see yuh..will continue tonight. ciao bellos(:

&&WE'LL HAVE YOU SUICIDAL, SUICIDAL WHEN I SAY IT'S OVER!!!

Gah she got new ciggies!

2007-08-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today was kinda uneventful~ I went to A-Plus just now to see some friends like I always do and school was pretty much a drag. Ms. Jane wanted to see me just now bout Alay's table. Seems like Jarrod reported the matter to Cikgu Chong a.k.a the discipline master and I think he told Ms. Jane which is totally annoying cos right now I don't really have time for all these kind of shits. Ms. Jane said that Cikgu Chong will call Bryant, Shaun, Richmond and I again. She also said to me that she wants to see my dad. Probably because of my mid-year exam marks. Trust me, they didn't turn out well. I failed probably most of the subjects. I need to try harder for this 2nd Assessment Test. I'm trying really hard to focus on my studies right now.

I have practicals tomorrow at school until 3.30pm and just now when I was at Physics tuition, Ekam messaged me up to go out tomorrow cos he really needed to go out and could only go out til the 25th this month. Gawd! That means he can't go to my party? *gasp* I will cry my eyes out if he can't come to my bday party. He's like my all time lepak partner!!! He's sorta like a brother to me now. Most of the people who have seen him and I out together would always mistake us for a couple. You have no idea how many people have asked us if we were together or not. Our reaction would always be like this, "Ewww..NO!!!!!!" Haha! I know him to well to be in a relationship with him. Yes, most of you might probably be wondering about what's wrong with being with a person whom you know the best of.

My answer is this. The interest would be totally gone! It's like, the mystery between you and that special person is gone and without the mystery, interest is gone. Well you might not have understood that so lemme break it down for you ok? I'll make it as simple as I can here cos I myself have honestly no idea on how to explain this to you guys. For example: Ok..take for instance that you know this guy like really well and you guys have been friends for like the longest time and everywhere he goes, you'll go too. You guys are always seen together. He tells you everything and you tell him everything too. Suddenly, you guys get a lil passionate with each other (DO NOT THINK DIRTY! *slaps*) and during the relationship everything's going well until you find a bump somewhere and the relationship ends. Everyone knows that once you're in a relationship with someone and it suddenly just ends, there's no turning back. Being friends with your ex is not really that easy. Things might get awkward and things will not be the same anymore.

I don't wanna risk any good friendships, unless I think that this guy is like the perfect one for me and that I feel for him in the lovey-dovey way. If not, I'll settle for being friends with that person. I feel that in a relationship, chemistry is most important! Without chemistry, there wouldn't be any passion, attractiveness or romance. It would just be a dull thing you and some other normal person has. You guys won't be able to relate to each other in the relationship and somewhere along the line, either you or that person will suddenly realise that you guys were just meant to be as friends, but by the time either one of you realises that fact, it would be too damn late and the chances of you guys ever patching back as friends would be about 30% possible. Well, that's from my point of view.

Gah..the GPRS is so fucking lagging! Ok, I've said this once before in one of my posts and I'll say it again. I curse alot, so this blog is kinda a PG or +13 kinda thing. Haha! Seriously, I curse too damn much. If I had a dollar for everytime I cursed I would be richer! Haha! Richmond laughed at that phrase when he saw it on my examination pad. If you think that you can't take the cursing then I suggest you exit this webpage before you get a heart attack or high blood pressure and drop dead in front of your laptop, computer, hp, pocket pc ect...ect..~

I'm trying to upload my new photos now into friendster and it's really lagging. It won't be if I were using wireless, but the stupid e-speed connection in my house is having problems right now. I have no idea why my dad just won't fix it! I just wish that the he would find a way to stop the wireless modem from breaking down so fucking often. It's very annoying, especially when Brunet lags the shit outta everything! Gah..I'm so impatient these few days. Maybe it's that time of the month again.

I have no idea what's in store for tomorrow. My plan is to go to school in the morning, stay there for lunch, go for Physics Pracs from 1.15 til 3.15pm then go home and if I have time, then I'll see if I can go out to Gadong with Ekam or not cos if I go tomorrow, I don't think I can go on Saturday. I'm just not in the mood to go to the Mall anymore. Last time I used to be crazy for going there, but now it's like heh~ So boring~ Gah!

Anywayz, i'm so damn tired now..i'll blog again soon k? till next tym..ciao bello (: *I sound like some lame commercial trying to sell airline tickets to people to go to Spain or something with that cheesey airline-stewardess-barbie-doll-fake-plastic-smile which cramps up ur face hahaha!!*

&&run away with me now..HK [= bite machine grrr roar!

FINALLY A POST!

2007-08-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

Alright...I know I haven't been posting for like the longest time cos I've been really caught up in alot of things lately. Things have been pretty chaotic for me these past few days. It's really taking it's toll on me. My 2nd Assessment Test is coming up in like a week's time and I have to study really really hard or else I'll get some ass whoopin from the rents (parents). My birthday party's in 3 weeks time and I have to start looking for a friggin location to hold it in. My rents think that Empire Hotel's too extravagant for a birthday and I was like, "I ONLY TURN SWEET 16 ONCE YOU KNOW!!!!!"

I have to admit, I was pretty pissed off at first, but hey..location aint everything you know. As long as I capture the right crowd, get a good DJ, make sure everyone's happy and create the right atmosphere then it's all gonna be good. I heard that there's this place at Soon Lee Megamart, the rooftop. I heart from a friend that it's cheap and nice. I'm gonna go get my mom to make some enquiries about that place. I did tell her bout it, but it's like she keeps saying that it isn't a good location cos the area can get pretty quiet at night and it doesn't look safe. Sometimes, the most dangerous places are the safest places to be you know. Right? Agree? *nods* hehehe.

Gah! My leg's all cramped up. It's hurting alot. It's not like the numb kinda cramp. It's the muscle contracting kinda cramp. *screams* PAIN PAIN PAIN! Life's been very stressful for me these past few days. Been having alot of shitty days. I think I have depression~ I remembered that there was this time when my parents went overseas, I was in alot of stress. I cried for 5 nights straight. Social problems would one of the many reasons I cry at night. Secondly would be my PMS. Yes. For the girls out there, you should know what I'm talking about. The stomach cramps, mood swings. They will get to yah so bad.

School pretty much sucks nowadays. I'm starting to pay more attention in my classes now. And it's about time. I decided that I have to quit playing around too much in school and concentrate more on my studies. I have to. I kinda thought about the future and what it would be like one I start running my dad's business and handle a law firm (I'm aiming to be a lawyer). I need to really catch up on my Principles of Accounts (P.O.A) stuff. I suck at that subject. *yawn* I'm sooo damn tired. I need a break from my books mayn~

I can't even go to Gadong much anymore as my 2nd Assessment Test is coming up soon. My parents already warned me that if I go out again they are gonna scream at me and ground me for the rest of my fabulous life. Sucks doesn't it? The problem is I have to get rid of my bad habit, which is 'last minute exam studying'. I can't seem to get rid of that habit. I just can't concentrate on my studies at home. The atmosphere aint right. Studying alone aint fun either. I'm used to memorising stuff and doing my work at either tuition or school. Oh that reminds me! I have Physics tuition tomorrow, but I gotta stay at home the whole afternoon. Or I can go to A-plus and hang out there with my friends. The stupid tuition centre changed my tuition group's schedule, so now I can't see my usual clique at tuition no more.

Worst still, they changed my schedule from every monday and wednesday afternoon to every Sunday morning from 10 til 12.30. I hate waking up early on Sundays. Atleast I get to wake up late during Fridays. I need to go to Gadong like so bad right now. I went to Gadong on Monday cos Apek asked me to hang out with him, so I went there. When I saw him, I was kinda shocked cos he lost alot of weight. No doubt he's still fat, but he lost weight. I asked him if he was on a diet and he said no and made up some excuse saying that he just had no appetite to eat. Pfft~ Yeah right~

Apek's kinda you know, he did move on, but the girl he used to like, likes some other guy. So he went back to liking me. I can't believe it! Why is it when other girls ditch him and tell him that they like someone else, he doesn't get all mental bout it, but when I say that I like some other guy, he gets all depressed and mental about it. He introduced me to his friend 'Rizal' to me online, claiming that Rizal has seen me before and that Rizal likes me alot. I have no idea how true that is cos I have never met this so-called friend of his before and it seems pretty obvious that it's Apek who's posing to be Rizal. I can bet that there isn't even a Rizal! The way they chat and type is sooo alike! It's so obvious. I tried calling him, but he said that his phone was broken and all that crap. On MSN, only when Apek goes offline then Rizal goes online. How stupid does Apek think I am anyways? IM SO OFFENDED! *kicks*

Anywayz...I'm like so sleepy now so i g2g to bed. til tomorrow. tata~ (:

&&IM NOT RETARDED..YOU ARE!

Bought new stuff (: Ugh falling..admire-nesh..i think~

2007-06-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

Kisshhh broooo

Gah! jan ko lari!!!

still running~

Gah! Why isn't Fadh online! Damn it, I missed out on shopping just to chat to him online. Ugh~ Why the hell am I fussing over him anyways? *sigh* Admire-nesh~ Noooo!!!! I can't let it get to me again cos nothing good ever comes out from this feeling. NOTHING!!!! That is why I really hate this feeling~ Shopping wasa great just now. I bought a few things. Bought the pair of Ecko shoes I saw at Skechers hehe. Gonna post up a few pics of the stuff I bought in awhile. And I'm gonna show you guys the pics I took of my baby bro and I when I was like all alone with him in the hotel room.

Gawd I was thinking of buying this really cool looking bag along with all the key chains and whatever, but my parents said that they weren't worth buying, so I was like ok whatever. I could see that my mom was unhappy today cos I spent alot. Now I'm like typing out this post in the bathroom. My mom wasa forcing me to change into my robe and get to bed, but I had to finish up this blog first. She's really getting on my nerves and I already told her off just now at the restaurant. I told you that I was gonna make a big scene right? I didn't really make a big scene, but I just showed her my temper. She told me to stop eating and look after my baby bro when my dad had clearly finished his dinner already, so I threw the clay spoon onto the plate and stormed out of the restaurant.

My mom just sat there and said nothing and my dad ended up calling me on my cellphone telling me to meet him at the hotel. So I did. I went to the hotel lobby and he started to talk to me about the whole me and my mom conflict issue. I just told him that i couldn't take it anymore and ever since the trip started she has been making the trip a living hell for me! He told me that he understood my situation, but no matter what, she's still my mother and I still have to respect her. Oh ffs (for f*ck's sake)!!! Respect?! HE WANTS ME TO RESPECT HER?! My gawd! She's impossible!! I would respect her and I know that she's my mom and everything, but with the way she's been treating me these past few days, I find it impossible for me to respect her and her stupid decisions.

Like just now when my family and I went to the Mid-valley Megamall to do some shopping, she only concentrated on my buying toys, clothes and shoes for my baby bro. I was like wtf??!! *##$$**%!!!!!!!!!

GAHH!!! I need to go shopping too you know! Ugh~ Atleast I got some of the stuff I wanted and I got these really cool keychains for 3 of my fwens. I need to go and get some nice chocolates for Syirah tomorrow and look for Bryant's CD. I couldn't find any Paul Frank shops here, so I guess I'll just look for his CD, but the prob is I can't find the CD anywhere. Fadh agreed to go to the upcoming Sunday Splash with me at Empire!! I was sooo happy~ You should've seen the smile and glow on my face. It's like we haven't really hung out before and all, so yeah. I guess this upcoming Sunday Splash's gonna be kinda interesting. Fadh told me that he was gonna throw me into the pool and I was like don't you dare and he said, "I will not...*next line*...not throw you into the pool." My expression went from (: to >.<" then to .(-.-). Annoying~ but funny.

Turns out that there's a funny side of him too and it's pretty adorable actually~ Well that's the good news. The bad news is, Azmi's cough is getting worse cos he said that the rib cage punctured his lung again and this time it's getting worse. His parents think it's cos of drugs and they're thinking of sending him to rehab! I was like NOOOO!!! Rehab is hell! And he aint even addicted to drugs and alcohol no more! He said that his parents are thinking of sending him there cos they said that his attitude is getting 'worse'. I was like wtf?! He's actually getting better and they said that he's getting worse?! Parents...You can never satisfy em. Tre Annoying~ I checked it out on the net and apparently it's like a rehab facility slash detention centre kind of thing. They work on your attitude and morale too. That is making things so much worse. Shouldn't have checked it out. *smacks own head* DOI!!!

Now it's raining! Wait..RAIN!! I love the rain~ Well I used to, til now. It's making me miss Azmi even more. Seems like now I have 2 people in my heart. Azmi and Fadh. Who should I choose? The newcomer or the one I have now? Should I give this new one a try or should I just stick with the old one til I'm really sure that I should go for the new one? Gah! I just don't know!

*sigh* Fadh's not going online. This always happens and I hate it. I'm in no mood to post right now, so I'll just put up some pics olryt? I'll blog again later if I'm in a good mood.

Pencil case from Miss Whatever

White skull earrings from Miss Whatever

Silver earrings from Miss Whatever

Ecko Shoe (FRONT VIEW)

Ecko shoe (side view)

ecko shoes (side view)

&& sorie for the shitty post...too tired n moodless..

First day in KL HELL!! Cnt wait for mi daddy 2 b hea ):

2007-06-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

*sigh* So sick of my mom. Just now was the final straw! I couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't buy anything for me. Going shopping with her is just no fun. She keeps pissing me off, so I just walked out on her. I took the room key from my grandpa and just went back to the hotel myself. I'm staying at the Boulevard Hotel which is just beside the Mid-Valley Megamall which is like my most favoured shopping area. It's like I can find everything I want and need there. Should have just saved up my time in Singapore and just do my shopping here cos now's the sales season here in KL. My mom's just not willing to spend money on me cos in the end there'll be none left for her. Selfish right? Some of you may be asking on how I know that she doesn't wanna spend it on me and is doing it for my own good. Well lemme answer your question. She tells my grandmother almost everything so it's really easy to know what she says about me behind my back cos nobody's on her side!

She thinks that my grandma is taking her side, but in fact she's taking mine. Even her own mother and father can't even stand her! Well not only them, the whole family actually. Ugh she always thinks that she's like this fabulous mother, but in fact she's being a terrible one! Just now when we were still at the airport in Singapore, she just went off shopping by herself and left me behind! She just walked off and pretended that I wasn't there. It's like now I don't even feel like I'm her daughter! How insane is that?! It's like I hate her and she hates me. At a point of time she went for this stupid course and she did however change, but she just went back to her same ol' self awhile later, so there was really no point in her attending the damn course and it's a waste of her money! What she needs is a psychiatrist cos she's flippin psycho! She's like that lady in the movie Desperate Housewife. For those of you who watches it, the character I'm talking about is Bree!! My mom's just like her. Just can't stand her! She wants everything to be her way. Well sor-ry, I'm not letting anyone step on me like a fucking doormat! Especially not by her.

Ever since we got to Singapore, she has just been putting up this stupid attitude like she's a really nice person and blah to the blah blah. 4 letters: F-A-K-E!! She's always good at faking her attitude, emotions and all, but I can see right through her! To me, she's so~ transparent. Eventhough she tells me that she does everything for my own good, I know that it's not true. I know her very well. Duh! She's my mom for god's sake. I know her better than anyone else, well except for my grandma. She knows my mom better than anyone else. Even when my mom lies to her, she knows. Gawd this just annoys the hell outta me. I just can't wait for my dad to reach here. He told my mom that he'll reach here at bout midnight I think. This room gives me the fucking creeps! I told Azmi to call me just now and he did. I couldn't talk long cos it's like $1 per minute for me if he calls me and I'm overseas. Now I honestly regret overusing the prima line. Now it's blocked and I can't talk to Azmi for long anymore and it's just bloody annoying! I just don't get what's taking him so effin long to just get online!

*sigh* My first day in KL is obviously not going as well as I though it would go. Well, atleast the hotel's nice and I can go online with their free wireless network. All I have to do is just make sure that I don't lose the password and username that I wrote down for the wireless network cos to use the wireless network I need to key in some username and password. When the hell are they gonna come back. I mean my grandparents ofcourse. I don't bloody care if my mom comes back or not. I just want my grandparetns and lil bro back here, so atleast it won't be so damn quiet here. I only have the sound of the telivision for sound. Well, I can actually turn on my ipod and use the new ipod speaker I bought from the airport just now, but my mom locked it inside her luggage, how typical of her. I bought this new Dior lipgloss from the airport too just now. Dior Ultra-Shine Gloss. At first I chose the pink colour gloss, but the promoter suggested that I took the other colour, so atleast I have some colour on my lips cos the pink won't show off any colour. Once I spread it on my lips, it'll be transparent, so I took her advice and took the other shade of pink, which is also glossy and shiny, but the only difference is you can actually see the colour and it's more of a metallic pink and the other one was a glittery light pink.

I really miss Brunei a whole lot. RQ's having a gathering at the beach this Sunday and I won't be able to make it huhuhu *cries* cos I'll still be in Singapore at that time, stuck with the family. *sniff*sniff* It's not fair that I have to miss it. I just joined RQ and is supposed to go for the gathering to know the rest of the people in RQ. In case you guys don't know what RQ stands for, it stands for Ridin Queenz. It's the female version of Ridin Brotherz. Apek invited me to join the group a few weeks ago, but I wasn't so sure if I was in the group yet or not, so yeah. Can you believe it? His cousin just tried to pick up a fight with me like a few days ago, saying that she's taking revenge and blah to the blah blah~ She said, "I'm taking revenge on Apek's behalf." Ouh how dramatic. Ugh..fuh-reak. I respect Apek like my bro angkat, so I didn't wanna pick a fight with her. She acted like she knew me so well and she told Apek that he was too blind to see that I'm just using him cos when I have no friends then I look for him for company and when I have friends, I act like I'm forced to layan him. How bloody ridiculous is that? She called me a queen bitch. Immature-much!!

Who the hell uses the term 'queen bitch' anymore?! Well, maybe 10 yr olds who are just starting to learn how to curse, but not a fucking 20+ yr old lady. She practically tried to say that I'm a two-faced kind of person. For god's sake. Puh-lease man!! I'm not that pathetic alright. Maybe in the past, but I grow up you know. Grown people who are mature enough to think don't stab people in the back or have two faces cos I've grown to realise that stabbing people from the front hurts them even more worse than stabbing them from the back. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's right to stab people in the back nor from the back. What I'm trying to say is, only immature people do all these stupid things.

She claims that I hurt Apek on purpose. Gah! People like these really annoy me alot. TO THE MAXIMUM!!! She acts like she knows everything bout me, but in fact, she doesn't know shit about me! How effin stupid is that? I told her to go get her facts straightened out first and told her that she has no right to judge me as she doesn't know shit bout me. When I said that I didn't wanna fight with her and that it would be pointless to keep dissing me when I won't even give her a respond, she ended up why I didn't wanna fight with her and she assumed that I was scared. I was laughing at the PC when I saw what she sent me. Scared? Why the hell would I be scared of her? She told me that if I ever hurt Apek in anyway ever again she would come down to Brunei and meet me up. I was like roigghhtt~ whatever~ I'm used to people screaming at me and if she wants to hit me then go right ahead whoop di fucking doo~ i know I'm innocent cos I never meant to hurt Apek in any way. Would she rather I tell him I love him when I don't and pretend to love him just cos I was forced to? Then end up breaking up with him by telling that I was faking it all from the beginning?

That would hurt him much more! I was just being honest. I couldn't lie to him. She keeps saying that I don't wanna be with him just cos he's fat and ugly. I was like, "Girl I am not that shallow ok!" Ok, fine..his outer looks may not be the most eye-pleasing thing, but please man...That's not the only reason! There was no sparks between Apek and I! Eventhough if he felt it, I didn't. I tried ok..I tried! I gave it a shot when we were in the cinema together watching Shrek 3 with Hary, Nurul and Farah. I let him hold my hand and kiss me on the cheek. I figured that what the hell, might as well give it a shot right? But seriously there wasn't a single spark in sight!! I gave him a chance, that one chance and it didn't work. When I know something won't work, trust me it just won't. Love is not only through seeing personality matches. There must be some chemistry there too. Without the chemistry and the sparks, it just won't work.

Gah! Until know, he just won't let it go. He did tell me something bout him taking advantage of me and it's like I don't even care or something, ugh I don't even know what he was talking about. I talked to my teddy bout it and he said that I should just ignore for awhile and let things chill off first. (In case some of you think I'm talking about a stuffed toy I'm not. I call one of my friends teddy. I don't talk to teddy bears ok! I'm not THAT psycho you know.) I just don't wanna break his heart. Nada me sampai ati ok!! Eventhough he sometimes annoy me, I still don't wanna hurt him. To me he's like a close buddy of mine so yeah, I can't bear to see him hurt. That's why whenever he tells me that I hurt him or something I'll feel really bad. *sigh* Let's just skip this topic cos it's so ruining my mood right now.

God..Fadhli's back again. The guy I used to like last time when I was with my ex. Fadh and I were kinda like this affair behind my ex. We kept our thing secret. I used to always text him up and call him up last time until we got into this stupid arguement and ended up not contacting each other for quite some time. Then now, we just started talking again. Either he decided to unblock me or something or he just deicided to start MSN-ing again. Then now we're like chatting away like we used to do. Only now, less touchy2 and more to the friendly get-to-know-you-better side. He's single now cos he just broke up with his ex and turns out that his player side has changed. Now Fadh and I chat til like late into the night til either one of us gets like really tired and decides to go sleep or something. At this point you may be asking yourself like, "So? What's so bad bout that?" Remember the liking him part? Am I gonna make the same mistake again? Am I gonna fall for his tricks again? Cos I really don't wanna fall for it the second time.

*sigh* who knows what'll happen right? well this is it for tonite. will blog again tomorrow (: ciao bello<3

&&I make him go lol lol lol!<3

NEW BIKINI LOOKS GREAT!

2007-06-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

Hey..feeling kinda shitty today~ Don't really know why. I guess it's my mood swings or whatever. Didn't get to blog yesterday cos my cousins were doing something on the pc,don't really know what they were doing,but I have an idea. *evil grin* nyeh~ I had to bargain my way to some pc time today to post up my blog entry. Fai's still grumbling his way out the door. I don't really care cos I won this pc fair and square! (: My mom and I went shopping again yesterday afternoon and I went and did my hair. It turned out great! It's shorter now, but looks great! I had dark violet highlights and I think they coloured my hair abit too. I had to sit through it for like 2 hours and it was torture! Thank God they had magazines and some cute Caucassian guys went and did their hair too, so atleast I had something to look at and something to read.

After I did my hair, I went to dinner with my mom at Swensens. I had the steak and she had a salad. I thought the salad was going to be like a small portion, but it turned out to be so gigantic! I think it could've fed two people, but surprisingly my mom finished it all byherself! She never eats much, so it was kinda a surprise for me. After dinner, we went back to Isetan and I got myself this white bikini with black prints on it. It was like a tribal design. I'm not really into tribal designs, but the bikini looked so good on me! It costs like $84, but beauty costs right? And it's not like I'm gonna buy another one anytime time soon. Well..maybe just one more, but just one more!

I got myself a pair of swimming shorts too from OP and they were so-so, but I'll make em work. I wanted to buy myself these really nice pair of flip flops, but my mom won't get them for me. She always says that I overshop. Ugh! She herself wants the money, so why can't she just say that? She's so selfish and calculative and she tends to lie alot, but is not really good at it, so yeah. It really annoys me alot. She spent the whole morning being sick cos she said that she had food poisoning or whatever. Serves her right. She was puking and all that. Haha I can hear my baby bro crying outside and my granddad's like trying to calm him down, but my baby bro just ends up crying even louder. You have to be here to see it. It's effin hillarious.

My cousins are like lazing around in the bedroom near me, not caring about it at all and I bet my grandma's gonna barge into the room any moment asking them to get their lazy asses off the bed and floor and start helping her with dinner. Oh yeah, my mom found out that I still smoke. She found my cigarettes. I just hope she keeps it to herself and doesn't tell my dad, but I think she's gonna use that to blackmail me or something. Bloody annoying~ I'm just happy to hear that my dad will be joining us in KL tomorrow. I'm going there tomorrow morning and he'll be arriving there in the evening I guess. My mom told me bout this really cool restaurant at KLCC where it revolves around and you can see the whole view of KL. Cool huh? I'm so making my dad bring us all there for dinner. Been a long time since I have been to a restaurant that really wows me.

We're staying at the Mid-valley hotel and I'm kinda dissapointed at that cos I don't think there's gonna be a PC there, so I doubt that I can even go online. *sigh* Well atleast it's only til Sunday morning. I'm going back to Singpore on Sunday morning and will be going back to Brunei on Monday morning travelling Business class all the way. My mom and I are gonna be sitting on different rows, so I think she's gonna have a really hard time managing my little brother and with a passenger beside her, she better prays my lil bro stays good. I'm gonna sit at the back of her and I can just sit back and relax. Serves her right for not booking the tickets earlier. Once we touched down from the aeroplane to Singapore I told her that she better books the tickets early cos the flights are gonna be very full. Did she listen? Nooo~ Well she asked for it and she's getting it.

I can't wait to see Azmi on Monday when I go to tuition. My mom said that I don't have to go to tuition the whole week cos she doesn't wanna pay for the 2 weeks of tuition as it was the holidays you know. I hope she doesn't change her mind cos I don't really wanna go for that extra class of Chemistry. Chemistry sucks. Well, not the subject, the tuition teacher. She's really annoying and if Hayley and I go for the extra class we're the only two girls who will be attending it cos the rest have already attended they're extra class. Sucks right? Let's just hope the teacher forgets all about it and I can just go off without the extra class. Physics tuition kinda sucks too cos it's like 2 hours and I really can't stand it there. It's really boring, eventhough Hayley and I don't really do our work cos we just spend the whole night at tuition laughing our asses off and talking about things that make no sense at all.

I really do have to catch up on my schoolwork though, once school starts cos I didn't do good on my mid-year exam and I'm praying so hard that Ms Jane doesn't call up my parents cos that would really suck big time! My dad's not much of a problem, I think my mom's gonna do serious damage on me. Gawd I hope they don't take away my phone cos I will seriously jump off the roof of my house and drown myself in the pool. I'm just so empty without my cell phone. This really reminds me of the time when I got caught sneaking out and my mom took away my handphone.

Friendly advice for those of you who love to sneak out: You guys better stop before your parents catch you cos when they do it's not gonna be pretty. Especially if you're a chinese cos you know how most chinese parents are right? *not being racist, just stating the facts*

When I lost my phones (my N70 and N80) while I was in Singapore, I didn't have a phone for like a week! My parents boomed ofcourse, but what really bummed me out was that I lost all sense of communication with my friends and I just felt really empty handed and incomplete without it. I cried for weeks when I lost both my phones cos to me, my phones and my friends are like the most precious things I have in this whole entire world. Yes! They even top the boyfriends! Some of you may be going, "OMG! It's just a phone for god's sake. Lighten up!" Well let me tell you! When you lose all the photos and precious messages you have been saving for so long and you just lose em like that, you tend to get emotional!!

Well..I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow and I hope tomorrow's gonna be good, but I don't know, can't predict the future. Wish I could though, but til then ciao bello (:

&&pop, lock and drop it..*puff*puff*

PRIMA LINE BLOCKED..Sad..stress..home..

2007-06-18T02:28:00.000-07:00

*SCREAMS* Just found out that my prima line is blocked cos I went over the limit! Ugh, why the hell does this always happen to me, now I can't call Azmi and I can't text him either. The only way for him to conact me is if he calls me up, but other than that I don't think there are other ways, unless I buy a phone card like I usually do, but I'm just too lazy to do that. I have to walk all the way downstairs and buy it. *sigh* I texted him with my grandma's hp and I also asked Pqah to text him up for me to ask him to call me up, but he hasn't called me up til now! Now I'm pissed..I don't know what the hell's taking him so long and don't tell me that I can't receive calls and messages either cos I will seriously cry my eyes out. Can't wait to get my line back from my mother cos atleast that way I can message cos right now I can't even message anyone!

To make things worse, I overslept so I don't think I'll be doing my hair today, I'm just gonna stay home and wait til tomorrow then I'll start doing my hair and search for my bikini. I've narrowed my shopping list down to the necessities only and the bikini IS a necessity! hahaha..Gawd I miss Azmi like hell. If he calls me up then I'm just gonna ask him to go online cos that's the only way we can commute now. *sigh* So depressed now ):

&&this blog is overdue by a few hours..jux posted it

Shopping list one item scratched..COUSINS I LOVE

2007-06-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hey guys remembered in the last post when I said that I would blog again if something interesting happened? Well this isn't really interesting, but I'm happy and kinda have nothing to do right now, so I'm just gonna blog. My mom came back from her shopping spree just now at like 11pm~ I was not surprised cos she usually returns at that time. She helped me buy the contact lenses that I wanted, but she got me the daily ones. The ones which only last up for 24 hours. It's worth it actually cos there are like 10 pairs in each box and the optical shop that she went into was having a promotion. *perky sales girl tone* Buy 3 boxes and you'll get one free! My cousins laughed their asses off when they heard me say that cos I sounded like the people you see on television advertisements when they try to get you to buy something and tell you about the promotions. My mom bought me 3 types of colours: grey, green and pure hazel a.k.a light brown for the people who don't know what pure hazel colour looks like. She got me 2 boxes for green and 1 each for the 2 other colours, so I have 4 boxes in total.

Each box has 10 pairs, so they'll last me for about 1 and a half months which is way better than the monthly ones cos the monthly ones can only last me for a month and they usually give me alot of problems such as sore eye and the such. Contact lenses can be a pain in the ass sometimes and my mom always nags at me when I wanna buy em. She always asks me why would I wanna buy contact lenses when I don't even have eye problems while other people with eye problems are just dying to get that laser eye treatment thingy. Duh! Cos coloured contact lenses make me look pretty. *angelic smile*

I'm trying on the grey colour and my mom said that it makes me look like a panda cos the colour's too dark and it makes me look like I have eye bags and dark rings round my eyes. I just need to put on the silver eyeliner and light metalic pink eyeshadow with a little mascara with a light coloured lipgloss and I'll look fine. Don't know why she's kicking up such a big fuss about it. My cousins were snickering away when they heard my mom nagging at me. I could see them making stupid faces at the doorway. Oh don't get me wrong, I love em, but they can be really annoying at times. They did the sweetest thing for me just now in the evening. They wrote in my scrap book just now. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I'm not trying to be a drama queen here, but what they did just now was really sweet.

WHAT THEY WROTE:

Wai Seng: Oit! You ah don't 4get to send me e-mail from Brunei! Take care of urself. Don't make me fly all the way there and beat ur ass! HAHA! will miss you lor! CAN?! My comment: The beat ur ass thing sounded so wrong, but it's like an inside joke between me and him so yeah..

Fai: Weylo siao cha bo! Eh u know or not ah Ah Di told me he like you leh! Chibai lah u now tell me all that bullshit that you taken liao. Last tym flirt2 with him, now wanna play hard to get! You don't noty2 there ah I tell you! Next time we go out and hang around with the gang again k? Bye bye! Chao liao..siao cha bo! =p My comment: He's the Ah Beng Ah Seng type, so excuse the strong Singapore accent and slang. The story behind Ah Di, I'll tell you guys someday in another blog entry hehe. SO KEEP READING :p
Lau: Hai! Ask me to write in your s2pid book! :p Small enuff?! Take care in Brunei! Luv you cousin! My comment: He's the not so close to cousin, so his comment was short, we have our differences and we tend to fight alot and we don't really talk much, so you can't expect a long one from him. He was actually forced to write that comment into the scrap book, so I don't really appreciate his comment considering that he called my scrap book stupid!

Ching: Hi jie mei! Wah will miss you leh. JonJon ask us to write one! Surprise you lor! Cum back soon ah jie mei. we all miss u de! Next tyme we go hang out with Ah Zai dey all agen k? Dey sed will miss u 2! Luf u jie mei whooooooo!!!!! My comment: Ching's like the hottie among my closest guy cousins. But to me he's still 2nd best haha Jonjon looks betta :p Nah JJ kambang liao! HAHAHA
Jon Jon a.k.a JJ: Cousin take care olryts? Don't be notty in Brunei. MISS YOU! Come bk real soon! (= My comment: Well his comment was sorta short, but yeah, we spend enough time with each other already and eventhough he doesn't show it in the comment I know he'll miss me loads cos he always send me emails and we chat more often now, ever since he added me in MSN lolx. *sigh* I'll miss him to the max!

Their comments were sweet no? *sigh* I'll miss all of em so damn much when I get back to Brunei, except for Lau ofcourse. Hehe..But I'm still kinda homesick. I miss my friends back in Brunei and I miss Azmi so damn much! He's really sick right now and I think it's getting worse cos he can't even walk right now! He told me that he spits out blood everytime he coughs when he's sick cos ever since the car accident he was in quite some time ago, he'll spit out blood whenever he gets a fever and coughs too much. I had to force him to go see his doctor at the clinic and the doctor told him to go to JPMC to do an x-ray and check-up. I trust the doctors there at JPMC, so I'm sure they won't give him the same explanation that RIPAS gave him. The doctor over at JPMC said that his rib cage was puncturing his lung or some major artery and that's why he's spitting out blood. The doctor said that if he went for an operation there would be a 50/50 kinda chance that he would either live or die, but if he decides to skip the operation and just take the medication the doctor gave him, cut down on smoking and do some breathing exercises then he would be fine cos if he loses too much blood then he could always find a donor.

But it's like getting so much worse I think and I really need to get back to Brunei and see if he's alright cos I know him very well. He won't listen to me and just rest home, he would go to the gym and still play rugby! STUPID I KNOW! *sigh* I'm just really worried right now and I miss him so damn much! It's like Hayley called me up just now in the afternoon while I was shopping with my mom and she told me that Yusuf (her booyfriend) was at her house and I didn't believe it at first, but they sounded serious. Ugh! Talk bout wrong timing! Gawd I shouldn't have called her back! I felt so bad after the phone call. Well, I was mad at her and the boyfriend for awhile, but I realised that it wasn't Hayley's fault, but it was partly Yusuf's fault. Right now I just kinda dislike him. He knows that I'm outstation and will be away from Azmi for quite some time and the least he could do was just shut the fuck up bout him being at Hayley's house instead of saying, "Jelez? Jelez?" OVER AND OVER AGAIN! Ofcourse I'm fucking jealous! Partly jealous and partly love sick.

I'm feeling bad enough thank you very much! When I asked him bout Hayley's mom he was like, "NAPAKAN?" TALK BOUT BEING RUDE! Bitchy much. Gawd sometimes people just say and do the wrong things to me at the wrong time! My legs are like aching to the max right now cos my mom and I went walking around for the longest time around Orchard Road just now. I was kinda throwing a fit just now at the shopping centre when my mom just refused to go home even when I said that I was really tired. I told her that if she doesn't wanna go home then she could have just left me at the taxi stand and I could go home myself, but noooo she had to go all, "Oh just half an hour, just half an hour more" on me! I called Azmi up while waiting for the to come back from the foodcourt cos she wanted to buy dinner and be a saint all of a sudden and I told him bout everything. He couldn't even talk to me cos he would cough really bad everytime he speaks!

That made me feel far more worse than anything. Knowing that he's not well and that he's in that condition hurts me. Knowing that I can't be there for him when he's in that condition hurts me even more! This is why I hate going out of Brunei sometimes. Tahnk God my cousins are always here to cheer me up. They always make me laugh in the end whenever they see me crying or getting pissed off at someone. *sigh* I'm going back next Monday which is like the first day of school, so no school for me! Whoot whoot! (: I bought this really nice t-shirt just now which I can wear to the next Sunday splash and I found these really cute pair of shorts, but they were too small for me so yeah. All I need now is a bikini. Gawd I saw alot, but nothing seems to really have that 'wow' factor. It frustrates me sometimes. My mom's bringing me to this really nice place to do my hair. I hope David Ghan will be there cos the last time he did my hair, I ended up lookin fabtastic.

Well, tomorrow I'll tell you guys on how my hair turns out (: till then..i guess it's ciao bello -_~

&&GAH! Tears run down my face