Monday, March 26, 2007

Picture perfecto..hurt..tears..i dnt care~

You know, sometimes, the most innocent person of all could hurt you like hell. *sigh* Here's my top topic for today. There's this guy in my class right, let's call him..'S'. Well, me and 'S' have been really close for some time. Everyone would say that we're like always together. I don't know why, but when school re-opened, when I saw him on that very first day, I started to like him. Day by day, my feelings just grew for him.

Ofcourse, he doesn't know. SO EVERYONE OF YOU WHO READS THIS AND KNOWS WHO I'M TALKING OR IF ANYONE OF YOU GUESSES WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT, YOU GUYS BETTER KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF OR I'M GONNA START TEARING OFF YOUR HEADS! Well, we went to this camp thing together and after this camp, he changed. He started to push me aside and all. During camp he didn't even talk to me at all. He just stuck to this group of gals. During R.K class just now, he also didn't talk to me at all. Like he used to always go to my seat and talk to me, but now, he never does that anymore.

It hurts to see one of your best mates just drift away from you just like that. I was really hurt. Although he isn't like my boyfriend or whatever, it still hurts. He was usually the one I'd run to if I was stressed out or if I was lonely and needed company, but now, it's like I just lost that one person. What can I do right? When I had the time to tell him how I really felt about him I couldn't. You know that song at the bottom? Yeah, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I was depressed to the core during R.K period.

Yus and Mo were like trying to cheer me up by acting all stupid. Well they did manage to cheer me up a lil bit. Yus was like really caring and all. Always there to make me laugh. Can't stand him sometimes. It's like I just take one look at him and I start laughing my ass off.

After school, Shar and I went to Hua Ho Bunut to get some lunch and on the way there, I told Shar about my problem and she told me stuff that hurt me so much. She said all the time at camp, S went to her room and hung out with them all the time, and when she asked him why he never went to my room he just shrugged it off. I started crying after I heard that. I was already holding back my tears and after hearing that, I just couldn't control my tears anymore.

I hate it when things like this happen. It always happens to me. *sigh* Let's just skip this topic now. Anyways! Shar and I had a really good time at Hua Ho Mall just now. It's like we ate at Jollibee and bought DQ. We were like so panatz at the supermarket. Shar was like playing around with the stupid price checker thing. So sakai! I was laughing my head off watching her literally check the price on some of the stuff there with the stupid price checker!

Actually, when I first saw it, I didn't even know what it was until she showed it to me, I laughed my head off! I was being so crazy at the meat section. I saw this tag which said 'Milk Fish'. In my heart I was like, "What the hell is a milk fish?!" I mean, what is that? A fish that tastes like milk? A fish with milk in it? A fish that you can mix with milk to make it taste better? I mean like WHAT IS IT?! I didn't know what it was, but the first thing that came into my head was to just pick that piece of rock-frozen fish and hit smack someone in the face with it!

So, against my better instincts I picked it up and was about to whack Shar with it, when her uncle came along and yes, I was really embarassed. She was like, "Oh my God! I'm never coming with you here again!" Ha ha! I was like laughing my head off. I bet the whole place heard my laughter. I don't really care cos there weren't much people there, so it was all good. After that I sent her home and yeah, things pretty much slowed down after that. I'm watching a movie with Hary tomorrow, so I'm pretty excited about that. I booked the tickets already for the movie Chermin. It's some new ghost movie. I hope it'll be good. We'll just have to see tomorrow I guess. til then ciao darls!

&&She screams, "OH MAH GAH!!"

~ { 4:38 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I wish you loved me~..Continuation frm last blog.

Right I just checked out my yesterday's posting and I did say that I wanted to continue right? Well yeah here's the continuation. I just found out in school that I have to room with 4 other strangers unless I write a letter saying that I have to stay with Sharon in one room cos my mom's really paranoid and whatever, but problem is, I called her up just now and surprisingly she told me that it would be a good experience for me. I was like, "WHAT THE HELL?!" First you act all paranoid on me and now you get all good-experience sporting on me!

When I really need her to start being paranoid, she doesn't. Life's funny that way. In the end she agreed to write out the letter for me and asked me to remind her to write the letter again later at 3pm cos she's busy printing out something right now. Hopefully the people will accept the letter and let me room with Sharon cos if not I'll run back home faster than you can say Amen!

School was fun just now. I failed my Geo and as usual, I didn't really care! Haha! It's just 1st assessment test, why should I care?! It's not like Ms Louissa could kick me out! All I had to do was just re-do the whole paper. EASY WORK!! It's not really hard to just re-write the whole paper you know and besides, I like writing and copying out of a stupid Geo test paper. I'm being sacarstic here!

It's like Shar kept making such a fuss about it cos I'm the only 4s1 student to fail the paper! So what?! My real skills come out when I feel that the exam is really important i.e: Mid-year Examination. I was supposed to follow Shar's car just now cos I didn't wanna spend like my whole day at home as it's gonna be really boring, but in the end, I couldn't cos her mom said that she had to bring Shar to the embassy to go get her passport or something like that.

Shar was so annoyed by it. Well if it were me, I would get really annoyed by it too. Her mom got to bring her friend so why can't Shar? I'm not gonna comment anything about her mom cos after all that is her mom you know. So, I'm at home right now blogging. Yesterday night, chu chu went online and asked me what I was up to. I told him that I was just writing my blog. He said, "Oh blogger panya c Jesie ani." 'Blogger'?! He made me sound like a nerd. Ugh!

We laughed about it and all, but sometimes, only my friends can take the stress away from my system. For only that one moment. After that moment had passed~ The stress comes back again and I start getting all emotional and start thinking of the past and the present problems I'm having. Sometimes the songs on the radio steers my mood into emo zone too. The songs on the radio stations always play the wrong songs at the wrong time.

Now, I came across this playlist on Imeem,when I was listening to this mp3 of this new song, Need a Boss by Shareefa feat Ludacris. Y'all should listen to it cos it's really good and when I listened to the songs on the playlist~ I was totally shocked cos all the songs are all so emotional and they keep reminding me of my past crushes. The people I wished I had. The mistakes I made in the past.

There's this song in my blog~ The player is down the at the bottom. Just click the play button and listen to the song. It reminded me of HIM~ Ok, last time I never revealed who HIM wasright? Now I'm just gonna spit it out. His name's Apis. I just bumped into him again at ws. He told me that he's with Jade now. The chick whom he was so deeply in love with last time.

What a lucky girl. Where's my Mr.Right?! How many times do I have to get hurt until I find my Mr. Right? See this is what I'm talking about! I get all emotional about things and it just ruins my mood for the whole day. I have tuition later at like 5.15pm til 6.30pm at A Plus then I have to go to another tuition at Flying colours later at 8pm til 9.30pm. *sigh* Gonna be so tired later.

I don't know what my plan's gonna be for later cos I'm hoping that some of the people from my tuition will go to the mall later cos if not then I'll have to go home again later and waste my time doing nothing cos once I reach home I won't have any mood to go out anymore.

*sigh* Thinking about me past really has got me emotional again. I just wonder..why was I like that last time? Why did I have to become to corrupted last time? I just thank God now that I'm a better person now. I picked myself up and had alot of support from my family and friends..especially my godsis Shar who's always been there for me through my ups and downs, guiding me through my problems and mistakes.

I owe alot of thanx and gratitude to alot of people. Hurmz..well das ol for today. ciao peoples!

&&I wish you loved me..

~ { 9:13 PM }
reflections of you and me;

HOLIDAYS? NOT!!

*sigh* It's so damn frustratin to see other people enjoying they're holidays while I'm still having school. It's so ah-no-ying!! Thank god they're giving us the last 3 days of holiday free. On the 3 days I'm gonna be at this camp thing at the Holiday Lodge. My parents let me go, but they're not totally letting me off the hook. They said they'll call me like every night. Annoying, I know, but what can I do right? Nothing's free in this world. My mom's crying right now cos it's like my first time staying over at a hotel without my parents. She's like giving this whole 'kids grow up so fast..too fast' drama thing.

I hope they put Shar and I in the same room cos if they don't I'm gonna fly straight home. It's our first time there, so both of us are totally clueless about everything. I don't know if I'm gonna enjoy it or not cos frankly speaking, lights out at 11pm is so not a good thing for me. Althought Bry did say that we're all gonna be like really tired, I don't believe it cos knowing the way I am, no matter how tired I am, as long as it's not a school night, I'll always be on the prowl for something to do.

I was hoping to sneak out you know, maybe go to Empire and catch a late night movie or hitch a ride with any one of my friends to go to Gadong or something. I was thinking of going to Jerudong beach. I heard that it's pretty nice there during the night, but I don't know yet cos Mo did say that there are gonna be some people walking around the hotel to make sure that we're all in our rooms and we don't simply go out of the hotel.

I may be bringing along quite a luggage cos I have a number of things to bring, but I think I'll just narrow everything down to just the essentials. For you 'kepoh' people who wanna know my checklist here it is:-

Laptop & it's changer
DVD's and CD's
Facial Wash
Lip gloss
Handphone charger
1 pair Flip-flops
1 pair sport shoes
1 pair jeans
1 pair shorts
3 t-shirts
Books
Diary
Water bottle
Money atleast $40
Tissue
Hairdryer

Those are basically the stuff I have to bring. Sounds like alot huh? Hurmm...Maybe I don't really need the Diary and the books, but I DO need my laptop. It's like the holy grail of everything. I'm using it as like a dvd and cd player and praying to God that there's wireless there, I can go online too. Otherwise I have to waste alot of credit on messaging people. My mom's like freaking out on what I should bring and all. It's just 3 days and 2 nights for God's sakes!

Why is she making such a big deal out of it! She's like checking up on my luggage and making sure I don't leave any important stuff behind. Just imagine how she's gonna be like if I start going overseas alone with friends or for studies. Don't tell me she's gonna jump off a 20 storey high building! That would be pretty effed up!

Well till here..I'll continue tomorrow hopefully Byee~

&&Ravin Catastrophe

~ { 5:32 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Major PMS..Frens..Pool..

Waddup peoples~! Ha! Ha! As you can see, I'm a bit hyper now. I'm just bored, so I decided to blog. Even though I'm really lazy, so this blog might be a bit shorter than the rest. Anyways~ Today was kinda a mix of emotions. My morning started out pretty bad, I guess cos I had to wake up at 4am cos of major stomach cramps. I don't know why, but it's like my period, this time, hurts more than the rest. Wonder why..Who cares. It's normal and if I go into detail here, the guys might puke, so I won't really tell you guys about that incident. I went to school in the morning, looking all tired and frustrated.

It's as if God was punishing me for something I did wrong cos the starting of my morning was HELL!! We had to move our stuff all the way down to Form 1G which was all the way downstairs, ground floor. We had to do it cos Shu En, apparently sprained her ankle or so and so. She told me about the whole doctor thing. It's like her ankle bone or whatever you call it, separated cos she walked too much. I mean, why can't they move her instead of everyone else? Ok, that was plain mean I admit. My bad~

Once all of us reached our temporary prison, we started to choose seats. I wanted to choose the two seats beside the window, the one where Wendy and I sat in our original class, but nooo~ She had to go all picky and choose the 2 tables right infront of the blackboard! I mean, why the hell would someone wanna seat right infront?! I sure as hell don't. So I was getting all pissy about it. The table was so effin small and short! How in the world was I gonna stand up? I couldn't even afford to stand up and greet the teacher good morning!! It was so hard. Hey, I aint the tiniest human being okay!

I asked Kevin to exchange seats with me cos I couldn't take sitting in front anymore and not to mention, Kevin's table was much more taller and spacious! Kevin didn't wanna move because he didn't wanna be separated from Julius, so Julius said that either Wendy and I surrender our seats together or they won't change at all. Wendy tried to suggest all kinds of ideas and me, knowing Julius' stubborn character knew that he wouldn't have settled for it. I got really frustrated cos Wendy pissed me off already before the whole seating-arrangement thing started. (REWIND!) I got this form from Shar right, it's for this church camp thing and from what I heard from Shar and Bry, it sounds really fun, so I went downstairs and showed it to Wendy.

Hoping that she would be happy for me that I'm going to this camp, I took out the form and started telling her about it. The replies I got from her were so rude~ She was like, "Oh, you think it's fun cos you've never been to any church camp before. I don't like Acts." I dared her to say that to Bry's face. I think she would've get good scolding from him and Shar. They don't take shit from anyone okay. Especially her!

She said that she did. She said that she did say it to Bry and some other people. After all was said and done, she said, "Fine, I don't wanna be so bias anyways." Oh so you're implying that I'm bias? Fuck! It's like she doesn't know her limitation! She's just trying to test my patience here!

I've tolerated her for so long already! Even Jo asked me why the hell I was friends with her. I don't know. Honestly I don't. I can't deny the fact that we had good laughs before, but the things she say and the looks she gives me are so agrivating! Ok back to the whole changing seats episode. So I told her to just change seats cos it wouldn't make much of a difference anyways right?! She just started taking her stuff and started saying that she didn't wanna change and all. I mean you can just deny it in a kind way right?

She had to go all attitude-ish on me. So I gave her back twice the attitude she gave me and called her an inconsiderate bitch. I don't know if she heard the bitch part, but I'm sure as hell that I made my point! I didn't talk to her the rest of the day and made plans with Shar, Bry and Nazrin instead. We went to Twelv cafe and ate lunch there. We ate so much! It was ridiculous. After lunch, we went to that pool place where we used to always go after school if there was extra class. Only difference is, we had a car this time.

I saw one of my tuition mates there and yeah, Bry and Naz were being they're normal ridiculous selves and Shar and I were being our typical crazy selves too. I was smoking there, being stupid, I went to Shar's seat and sat on the sofa only to find out why Shar's legs were above the ground. The whole stupid sofa sank down! Some fat sumo probably sat there and made a whole on the seat. It was torture trying to get up from the seat I tell you. We all laughed about it and I was dead embarassed.

We were all bored, so I saw this dark spot right? So we just took pics of me as a..you know~ Don't wanna say it..Well anywayz, after that we all went home. Nazrin is actually very funny. Ha! Ha! Made me laugh all the way back to his house~! Such an ass~ haha.

Anywhoo'ssss till tomorrow~ ciaoooo~

&& Bitch fuck You!!

~ { 6:24 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

IDEAL..hurt!

*sigh* today's kinda like fucked up~ Alot of shit happened today. It was all going well actually in the morning until recess came. Our school canteen is still closed so I asked my driver to go to Ideal and buy me and my friends some food. He came by 10.30am and we told him to drive to the place beside our school. It's like a parking lot also, where some kids wait for their transports. It's not even far from school! The councillors ofcourse saw what happened and reported us to Cikgu Chong a.k.a discipline master.

Bry, Shaun and Richmond were pulled into his office whereas Shar, Nazrin and I managed to escape somehow. Thank God that the next period was free as there was no teacher. Our R.K teacher stepped in as a substitute and so I started to eat my leftover cheese fries and even the councillors in my class didn't say anything, but some blabber mouth bitch went and complain to the other councillors about me eating in class infront of the teacher. Mr Nithiey said we could eat in class! Puh-lease! I asked for permission from him!

This stupid-looking girl went and bring me up to Cikgu Chong's office. Once I stepped into his office, the smell of stinking test papers filled the air~ Ugh, I hate that stupid aroma. It makes me wanna puke. The first question he shot me was who's idea it was to eat in the car and I just kept silent. He told me about how 'bahaya' it was to do what we did. In my heart I said, "Please lah, you like come out from kampung like that, never see the real rule-breakers before." It's true! The thing we did just in school is nothing compared to the government school students!

Atleast all of us didn't escape school right? *sigh* What can we do right? This is how sakai people will act like. I dare them to take a look at the other goverment students who escape school and all that. Well anyways, he started to ask me who the other two students were. I didn't wanna say anything. Hey! I ain't no rat owkay!! I never rat out my friends! It's kinda the same as being a betrayer so yeah..It ain't really a good thing and besides, why should I drag people down into my own trouble right?!

After that, he told me that I might get suspended and my parents might get called up cos it was my driver after all. My parents would kill me!! I went up to Shar's class upstairs and cried while she comforted me. It's like I don't wanna get suspended! Assessment Test is coming soon and I so don't wanna fail it cos if I do, I can kiss my freedom goodbye. So I went back to class and was really pissed I must add.

Jo was pissed too cos I told him that Cikgu Chong told me that he knows that Jo and I ate in class. I don't even know how he knew that. Most likely our class monitress told him about it, so I started swearing and I punched my table so hard. After the whole thing was done and overwith, I went home afterschool and checked friendster out. I went into Amal's friendster and read all her comments about Harry. Trust me, what I found out hurt me 'alot'. I'd prefer that I never knew.

*sigh* I won't into details of it so I'll just stop here before I start crying my eyes out again. I have tuition again later. Ugh! Hate going to tuition at Flying Colours over at Kiulap. Sucks so bad. I prefer A Plus better. Students there are more fun. Well till tomorrow, ciaooo

&&Heartbroken Bitch

~ { 11:29 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

continuation~

Hurm where did I stop? Oh yea the most humble thingy convo~ Well I told her that she wasn't the most humble human being too and you know what stupid excuse she shot back at me? She said, "Well, I'm just trying to make you feel it. Now you know how I feel right?" I mean..what a stupid excuse!! It's like she doesn't think of other people's feelings! She annoys the hell outta me! I've been patient with her for long enough and I just can't take it anymore. She's giving me so much stress and the worst part is she thinks she's making my life easier!

I mean HELLOOOOO!!!! When will she just wake up and look at the whole picture?! Well, dinner was pretty much kinda well. I had a salad and this baked potato with tuna ontop of it (If I told you guys already in the last entry of my blog then I'm sorry yea?). Well, that was pretty much it for the day.

Onto today...well, morning was pretty much dull and there were alot of extra classes in the morning just now, but Ms. Jane caught me skipping extra class yesterday and she asked me about it. I thought up of the first excuse that came up in my head and I told her that I went to the dead girl's funeral. Oh yeah! I never told you guys about the Form 1 girl who passed away right? Well I don't really know the whole truth of it, but all I know is she drowned cos she jumped into the pool to save her friend who I heard was..I think pushed in by another girl or whatever~ There are alot of different stories going around, so I can't really tell you guys the whole truth of it cos I don't even know what actually happened. All I know is, it happened at the pool at this flat near my school.

Well, it's a shame how things happen that way, but anywayyyssss~~ Ms. Jane, surprisingly, accepted my excuse thank gawd~ I think she's gonna kill me again tomorrow cos I kinda skipped extra class again today. Let's just hope she doesn't shall we? After school, I went home and quickly took my shower and dress up nicely cos I was gonna go to the mall with Abi and Fahme. As usual, we went to the arcade to play DDR then we went along to ws. I went online, and surprisingly Ezam arrived at ws abit later than me.

I went home and had nothing to do till my mom got home and was her annoying self! She wanted to piss me off again. I was halfway through typing this blog when she started asking me if I ate dinner already or not and what movie was on the tv. Ofcourse I got annoyed and I answered her with a frown! I was already holding my anger in cos if I didn't hold it in, I would've screamed at her already!

Ofcourse, she wasn't happy with the attitude so she said to me near my ear, "If I had known earlier that your face is this way then I wouldn't have come home!" In my heart I was saying, "Please man, who wants you home anyways? The sound of your car parking into the garage is the sound I dread most!" She always tried to make people angry or hurt people on purpose just because she isn't happy with that particular person. It's pathetic really. *sigh* I just remembered I have a whole lot of homework to do. Oh well, I can always do it tomorrow right?

Oh assessment test is coming soon!!! Better study, I'm so clueless in EVERYTHING!!! Oh yea this one goes out to Sharon: GURL YOU BETTER STUDY AND PASS THIS ASST TEST!! IF NOT, I'M KICKIN YOUR BUTT!!!

Well that's all for today I guess.. Till tomorrow, BYEEE

&&Ravin Lighttsss~

~ { 3:59 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Monday, March 05, 2007

Loyalty..Death..CHUCHU!!

You know, there comes a time where you just need to find out who your real friends are. I've found out who isn't, well atleast I think I have. It's like there's this girl right, let's call her Y shall we? Ok Y was out with me at the mall and I was busy doing my homework while Y was playing around with my laptop. I wanted to use the laptop for awhile cos I was instant messaging with Shar right, and I wanted to use her celly to take a picture, then while I wanted to go to the camera, I can't help, but to notice that Sham's(my ex) message was in her celly. I read it and was curious as he said stuff about he was worried of what I was doing and what not~

So I opened up her Sent Messages and guess what I found. Y backstabbed me! Well, I what else can u call that?! Ofcourse, she shouldn't have meddled with my relationship right?! She already told me last time that she wouldn't meddle anymore. She messed up things between me and him so many times before! I'm surprised that I was able to forgive her 50% and not leave her at the mall. I could've just left her there and let her find her own transport home. She told Sham that she was bored and had noone to mess with. She has no idea who she's messing with!!

Cos Sham warned me before that if he so-called caught me smoking then he would leave me for good. It's like she was doing it for her own benefit! She told him that she would tell him what I was doing at ws if he gets her a guy. I mean can u say 'desperate'?! Right now, I don't really care if she's reading this cos this IS my blog and I'm stressed out of my mind right now and I need to get all this off my chest so Y is you're reading this then I'm sorry, but you really pissed me off to this extend!

This isn't the first time she pissed me off. I have tolerated her for alot of times already and I just can't take it anymore! I really need to get this off my chest. There are so many other things I would say, but I will just keep 'em to myself cos who knows what she'll do next. I'm not afraid of what she's going to do to me if I hurt her this way, but I'm afraid of what I'll do to her if she backstabs me again! I stab backstabbers from the front cos it hurts 'em mentally so much more. *evil grin*

I can say things that'll hurt you so bad if I want to so don't you people make me do it! On the same day that she pissed me off, Chu Chu a.k.a my rain look-alike came to the mall and we went to watch a movie. He brought along his friend Ajeed or however you spell his name. It's like Ajeed was trying to get Y's attention, but Y didn't really care and in the true spirit of trying to act happy so I won't ruin Chu Chu's time with me I put on the happy mood and tried to act happy, like I've forgotten everything Y did, but honestly the hatred and pain of being messed around with just cos he/she was jobless still lingers around in my head.

One thing about me is I forgive 50%, but I NEVER forget. It's a girl thing so yeah. Yesterday I was at the mall with Syirah and we were like bored shitless! Saufan was there too so we hung out with him and I was playing some stupid online game while breezing through the people who walked into ws. Trust me, pretty people are kinda hard to spot in ws nowadays. It's like the people who chill there now are mostly kids and poklanders~

It's sickening really, but anyways~ Syirah and Izad finally persuaded Hary to go to the mall and he finally arrived at like 5pm. Izad's friend was no doubt a grade 'A' hottie , but when Hary's around, my attention is always on him. Somehow, he just draws me to him. Anyways, I'm not gonna bore you guys on the details. Well anyways, it's like I had to go home early at like 6.15pm as I had this function to attend, but it turned out that I didn't have to go! Idiotic, I know~

Syirah called me from ws and told me she was bored. Nyasal me blik!!! I was so bored at home so my mum dragged me off to dinner at Vintage Rose. As I already ate at ws I just got a salad and baked potato there. While waiting for the food, I saw my mom and noticed the way she dressed and the whole atmosphere of it and I just told her that she looked like a ghost~ I meant for it to be funny, but NOOOO she had to take it seriously and get all lecture-ish on me, she was like, "Have you ever thought of other people's feelings?" I just shot her back an answer by saying, "Well, you haven't been the most humble person too y'know."

To be continued tomorrow~ my parents are chasing me to bed..buh byeeee till tomorrowww

&&Ravinn Lightsss~~

~ { 5:33 AM }
reflections of you and me;