Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Messed up

Damn..im in a foul mood today...Eversince my mom came back, everything's been back to normal. The same ol bitchy mom's back on track. She somehow managed to accuse me of not attending my tuition classes. Apparently the stupid tuition school called her up and asked her why I didn't attend my maths class when I did!! I was on time!! I did my work!! Most importantly..I ATTENDED CLASSSS!!! I have absolutely no reason to skip class and I don't have the courage to skip it either cos I'm smart enough to know that the tuition centre will call your parents if you do not attend class.

Maybe I forgot to sign the stupid attendance file in class. They have this attendance file where every student signs their name in it to show that they have attended the class and no..the teachers are not 'kind' enough to sign it for you when you don't come for class. They'll just pass the attendance file back to the office and let the vice principal call your parents up for an excuse. So fucking annoying. My mom kept bitching about the whole 'if you don't wanna study then don't waste my time' lecture. I mean...wtf???? I DID attend the tuition class so I don't get what her fucking problem is.

She told me that she's gonna pull me to the tuition centre's office and ask my Math tuition teacher herself. And I was like fineeee...if she wants to pull me there..then not my problem..I'm not the one who's gonna be embarassed. She's gonna be the embarassed one cos I did attend classss...duhhh!!!! After than issue's done then she brought up another one!! She claimed that there was a blue skyline car following me to school and blah blah blah. I was like huh? She seriously lost me at blue skyline. I do not have any friends who go to school to look for me. And I do not have any friends who drive a blue skyline either so I didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

She warned me and asked me for that person's name. I couldn't answer her cos I don't even know what she was talking about!!! I don't even have any friends who own a blue skyline!! I kept denying that there was a blue skyline and everything, but nooo~~~ she didn't believe me. So I just kept quiet and let her talk. I was done answering her. What's the point of arguing with someone retarded? TOTAL WASTE OF TIME Seriously! Cos I know no matter how much I try to prove my innocence, I'll still be in the wrong.

She'll never believe me and admit that she's wrong until there's absolute proof and she can't say shit anymore. But eventhough if that happens, she'll still have something to say. She will never ever admit that she's wrong. Seriously..she's my mom...I know her so well~ Some times I seriously think that she's creating all this issues and lies just to get me in trouble with my dad. My dad will come screaming at me and believe everything my mom tells him (which is really stupid) and somehow, I'll fight back and the whole thing will end up with me and my dad not talking.

She loves it when that happens. I swear to god she's evil. She hates the fact that my relationship with my dad is as close as ever. There was this one time even, when one of my friends asked me what would happen if I lost my mom and how would I react..I couldn't answer cos duh I haven't lost my mom yet. Then I tried to imagine me losing my mom and I was like...oh welll...gotz to move on~

See!! That's how much I despise her~ But if my dad...losing my dad is hell to me. Not just cos of the money..cos I love my dad. At times he can be really unreasonable and all, but still, you can see that he has a good heart. Every other person who criticizes my dad can go to hell. Eventhough my dad's having an affair outside with some china slut..I don't give a shit. As long as he still has time for me and my baby brother I'm fine with it. He just has to not bring her home and that's it. If he brings that china slut into this house, he will be over in a snap!

I have alot of issues already..I don't need my mom creating more issues for me to deal with cos it's damn stressful~ I can't take it..seriously..I have enough homework from school and I just received the topics that I have to study for my 1st assessment test..Chemistry~ Some stupid retarded chick in my class chose the topics!!! SHE CHOSE THE HARDEST ONES!!! My god.. I swear..sometimes, wait scratch that...OFTENNN at times like this i just wonder..WHY THE HELL MUST THE PMB MARKER BE SO CRUEL AND PUT ME IN THE PURE SCIENCE CLASS????!!!!!!! It's torturing to be around the people there.

Well most of em.. there are only some of them whom I like. The rest can kiss my fine chinese ass!! The teachers..well most of em suck too. Especially our RK teacher..God..she sucks balls man! She's also our discipline master. I'm like ugh..stupid much! She condemns people alot and none of you can deny that cos she seriously does. She looks and acts like some psycho nun! Like the ones you see on tv? Yeap...TOTALLY THE SAME THING!!!! The resemblence is so alike that it's almost amazingly weird.

Anyways..I g2g now..tuition and need to see the boyfieee..hahaha ciao bellos

&&TE ADORO DUM DUM..TE QUEIRO..MI VIDA

~ { 12:16 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Finally a time to update~

Hey guysss...been really busy lately with school and everything. I just found out that I can't take June O levels...Stupid shit~ I have to get like 5 credits in the last exam I had last year which is the end of year exam. And duh it comes to no surprise that I didn't get it. So yeah~ Just have to work extra hard and prepare myself for what's gonna come~ Things have been quite hectic for me lately~ Been so sleepy in school cos I usually stay up late to talk on the phone with the boyfie while doing my assignments~ I have so much overdue work! ESPECIALLY PHYSICSSSS!!! And to make things even more worse..there's this stupid POA test that's coming up on a topic I don't even understand!!

Some single account thingy...don't really know what it's all about, so yeah~ I'm getting ready to get a huge ass zero on the test actually. To makes matters even more worse , it's gonna be added up onto our 1st assessment test marks! 20% yo~ Fucking hell...that's quite alot of marks~

I really need to step up my game and I've been trying hard to really balance out my love life, social life and school. I've tried to set up some rules I have to stick to for the rest of the year. Well not the rest of the year, just til O's are over. I haven't completed the whole rule book thing, but I'm sure that I'll come up with good reasonable ones to stick to. I just need to balance out play time n study time~ Haha I sound like such a mom now. *smacks forehead*

Things between Azmi and I are better than ever. We went to the mall yesterday to hang out with some friends. We were supposed to watch Meet the Spartans, but it got banned. I saw that it was playing since Thursday and now when I wanna watch it, it gets banned~ Shit happens some times and I friggin hate it! TO THE CORE!!!

I saw Azmi's friend yesterday...this girl~ (once again I am putting no names up in here) Let's just name her 'C'. Well 'C' was just walking into weststreet when she saw Azmi and I together...and it's like she started whispering to him and I had a strong feeling she was asking him why he was back together with me. She never did like me. Well if I had a friend who had a girlfriend like me I wouldnt like the girlfriend either~ Can't blame her. I wasn't a good girlfriend anyways and I admit it. But thank god I changed. All the cheating and games are done for me. I'm settling down and sticking with it and none of you sad ol bitches can ever say anything to bring my hopes down.

Some of you may say, "Oh she's living in her own fairytale wonderland and blah blah blah." But ahakz I actually don't give a shit. You can say what you want, but you still won't dim my hopes down~ The relationship isn't all perfect you know~ We do fight and we learn to get over it. Just leave the mistakes down that godforsaken road and move on. Just learn not to do it again. Honestly...I've done alot to make this relationship work. And hell...I've done a fucking lot to get him back.

I'm gonna make this work no matter what and no matter how much it tempts me to cheat again..I won't. Yeah you won't believe me now, but seriously...I can't cheat anymore. I don't wanna go through what i went through when I kamikaze'd the whole relationship. Gah~ Azmi's sick mayn~

He's having a fever. I just got the message from Fyan, his bestie, just now. Azmi was supposed to meet me up at tuition just now, but he didn't turn up and he didn't pick up my calls either. Then I called his house and his maid told me that he was relli sick. His friend then replied my text. I'm really really worried right now. I texted him just now to reply my message when he wakes up and he hasn't even replied me yet. God, tomorrow I have Chem pracs so yeah, I'm just gonna swing by his house as usual and check up on him.

God I hope I can sleep tonight. I hope he replies my message...cos if he doesn't I don't think I'm gonna get one wink of sleep tonight~

All sorts of thoughts are running through my mind at this moment. God help me~ Seriously, I don't wanna point the finger at anyone right now, but I really can't push aside the fact that he fell ill cos he didn't get enough sleep. He spent the whole of last night looking for his friend..well more like brother to him, Zakee~ Gawd...Zakee ran away from Azmi's house. (he sleeps over Azmi's house almost everyday..practically treats it as his house) Azmi searched for Zakee with Fyan and Bulat til like 7 in the morning. They went home only at 8am!!!! I mean WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! It's so fucking inconsiderate. I mean like, what fucking guy would cry and run away from the house over some girl? It's all his fault that the relationship fell apart anyways~

He met up with the ex yesterday at gadong to get her back. But I heard that they didn't even say a word to each other~ I was like wtf? Zakee being the guy, he should make the first move and say something!!!! Atleast show that he gives a shit about the girl!!! Like wtf?!!! I already said...just let it go and treat it as like a lesson~~ Next time don't do the same thing again~ But NOOOOOOOOO...he had to go and run away from the house! Goddd..and because they had to search for him til morning!!! MY BOYFRIEND GOT SICK!!!! I m so fucking worried I really don't know what to do now. He's not even replying me :(

Shit i g2g...homework's callin~...See yuh..i'll continue tomorrow~~~~

ciao bello

&&please get well soon :(

~ { 5:52 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, January 17, 2008

sorryyyy

Heyy! sorry that i haven't been blogging much guys. I have been real busy with loads of things~ one word..school..yes the every-grueling stage all us young people have to face before walking out into the unsuspecting world of..jobs. God..this school is putting so much pressure on me with all the tuition and shit shits~

One good thing that happened is azmi and i got back together..i had to grovel in pain just to get him back..well all the tears and sadness are worth it cos i finally found someone i truly love. How do I know? Well....you can ask all my friends about how I used to be last time about guys. I used to just treat em like dirt..cheat..cheat..AND cheat~ That was all I do and every relationship never lasted long cos I lost interest. I thought Azmi was just like any other guy..but no..he isn't. God..when we broke up i was so damn depressed. I was crying like almost every single day.

At that time, he actually went into another relationship with this other bitch..(once again..no names~keep dreaming). I tried to win his heart back and at first, he didn't wanna budge, but I still didn't give up and kept fighting and fighting for it. Crying everytime I think about him and in the end, I finally got him back and I have never been happier. Seriously peoples, I am truly, finallyyyyy happy with a relationship! I have actually found someone that I have stuck on for 8 months. Next month will be the 9th. The MAY will be A YEAR!!!

Finally something I can be proud of! First relationship that lasted this long and let's jux hope that it'll last til...well..forever~ I know it's corny and whatever and I know that things won't be smooth all the time. We do have our ups and downs you know. We're still human. I'm not gonna be like those love-blinded people and go *mocking cute voice* "Oh we're so damn happy and everything's fine and dandy and sooo perfect...ahakz"

Well if you think like that....all i have to say is.. = "YOU ARE LIVING ONE HELL OF A LIE. GROW UP KID COS NO RELATIONSHIP'S THAT PERFECT! LIVE WITH IT AND STOP DENYING IT!" No, seriously I have met people like that. Girls who claim that their boyfriends would never cheat on them. My god~ How stupid some females have become. Guys..will be guys. If you don't give em enough attention and you keep trustin em and giving them whatever they like...You'll soon end up a depressed divorcee with no money and 10 kids.

Trust me...that is sooo not pretty mayn~ You DO NOT want that. No matter how much you love someone, there's gotta be boundaries. I'm not saying that it's easy to you know, get really mad at the one you love, but you know, sometimes you gotta think of yourself and what would happen if you just let things go on that way. Now's the time to actually change things before things get serious. Show him that..eventhough you love him, he can't jux walk all over you like some dull red doormat. I have met some girls in my life before that would do anything, even hurt themselves for some boy that doesn't give a rat's ass about em. I mean, that's just plain stupid.

If a guy treats you like dirt, them leave him. You probably can't see it cos you're duh loveblinded. But the best way is to find someone whom you truly trust and tell em everything. Then ask that person to tell you the honest truth on how that guy treats you. If he/she tells you that guy's treating you like dirt, don't just believe em, but try to just wake yourself up and think in you're point of view. If you saw your friend getting treated the way that they guy's treating you right now, what would you advise her to do?

See, sometimes putting yourself into other people's shoes actually works you know. You can see things a bit better that way at times. In Azmi's case...I know him too well. He's not the kind to actually cheat on a girl. He loves me and I know it. Everyone says it. Even my bestfriends say it that's why I trust him..not fully, but atleast some trust is in the relationship. I'm so in love with him that for the very first time, I'm actually becoming very clingy. he said that he admits that it's a bit annoying, but he actually likes it.

It shows that I love him. All the protectiveness and the possessiveness are all proof that I actually love this guy. I'm so in love with him. And..some of my friends are actually happy that I'm finally sticking to one now. God...trust me when I tell you that karma's rage is not to be messed with. cos I wasn't one to believe in karma..but now I do..trust me when it bites you in the ass..it bites hardddd~~~

Newayz..im off to tuition now. Azmi's gonna be there so yeah..haha..gotz to go. If anything interesting happens again, I'll blog..but for now ciao darlings

&&I'm in love witchu..dumdumlove 157<3>

~ { 9:03 PM }
reflections of you and me;