Friday, September 12, 2008

THIS IS ME AND MOI FEELINGS! (:

These are the things I treasure in life. The hapiness, the love and the man. The man I cherish the most with my life. This will be a seriously mushy post so if you're sensitive to these kind of things then I suggest you NAVIGATE AWAYYY now (:

Cos I'm pulling no stops in this. I'm just gonna speak my mind and trust me, after watching the movie P.S I LOVE YOU, I'm totally in THAT mood right now. The one where you just need that one person to just be by your side and stay the night with you, then wake up in the morning and the first person you see is him..right by your side.

I wish I could just have that, just for one fucking day. But...it'll be a long ass time before that happens I guess, taking the fact that I can't really sleepover anywhere. God, it's been like 1 yrs and 4 months already and I'm looking forward to the 2nd annie, and the 3rd and 4th...and yeah, you get it.

I know some of you guys, especially Michael *ehem* would tell me not to take these things so seriously, but how can you not when you're totally in love with that one person? That one person that you've been waiting for your whole life, well 16 years actually for me. Haha. Gots to be specificccc (:

I seriously cried while watching the movie, it's like every scene had to make me cry. There isn't a movie that I've seen in my life that could actually make me cry so much. I cried so badly that I actually called Azmi and cried to him. He was so worried and didn't know what was going on til I told him. All the shit I had to go through actually led me to this beautiful man who takes care of me sooo well. He's my guardian angel and nothing in the world can ever change that. There were numerous times where I actually questioned my relationship with him cos I thought that things were going to fast and getting too serious, but he proved to me that as long as you're in a relationship with someone whom you are sure that'll love you and cater to your needs whenever and wherever, you are sure to have a happy ending.

He makes everything seem perfect. Azmi's not perfect, but I'm able to look over his imperfections and focus on all the things he has done for me. He's a wise man who guides me through so many of my obstacles in life..He's all I've ever wanted in a man actually. Everytime I think about how it would be like to lose him, I just start shedding tears. God..I never thought that the one perfect soulmate that I've been searching for all my life has been right here splat in Brunei..~

I do admit that sometimes I just wish that I had my own space and freedom, but you know...I guess it's all worth it. *sigh*

Anyways..haha I shall end this mushy post before neone starts puking haha..ciao bellooo

&&157 I am Loving This Boy and his name is MD.NORAZMI

~ { 7:08 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Hate changes...

Have you guys ever reached that point of your life where you suddenly feel like your life has just become so boring, yet so complicated? It's like two bad things pinpointing at you all at once. It's scary. I have finally reached this point. How do I know? Well I was on the way to tuition and it just hit me. It's like I usually look forward to the day ahead of me...but when I thought about it in the car just now, the feeling just hit me. I just felt so bored with my life and it's like nothing interesting happens around me anymore.

Last time, everyday used to be like fun and laughter...screaming and destruction sometimes, but all in good fun. Now it's just so...blah~ I don't know what's going on. My tuition place changed all their schedules to the afternoon cos of puasa, school's boring..nothing happens at home..go out..who do I see and what do I get to do? Hang around with my bestie and my boyfriend. Gawd...my life has officially turned plain boring. I admit I do miss my notorious ways at times like this. Yeah, I got hell for it, but it was so much fun. Hectic and messed up, but fun.

I used to have all the freedom I want. I went out with whoever I wanted to at anytime and to anywhere. I got to do and wear whatever I want without any worries. Now...yeah, I have a boyfriend who's as controlling as my dad...worse actually. I don't wanna say this, but sometimes being in a long-term relationship can really drag the fun-ness of life down, but as long as he treasures me and atleast tries to make an effort, I'm sure things will turn around soon. (:

I went to tuition in the afternoon just now at 2pm and I was pretty cranky that time, I don't know why, but I just was. Maybe it was because I wasn't used to the time change. Tuition used to be in the night and I used to have so much fun in the afternoon, without any worries. Now with Azmi's new job and my tuition schedule, it's so hard for me to make time to go out and have fun. It's stupid...I hate this.

And to top it all off, I think I'm gonna get the flu. I've been sneezing so much lately and having stuffed noses all day. I have no idea why the hell everything's turning bad. Maybe it's me..I don't really know. All I know is, I'm just really frustrated with how things are going right now with my life. I have my Malay Oral Exams this Monday..or was it Tuesday..goddamn it!!!! See..even my brain refuses to function!

I'm having such a bad bad day~ By the time I got to Physics tuition just now in the afternoon, I was so frustrated that I actually ended crying in Azmi's arms during break time (thank god my tutor was kind enough to give me 15 minutes break, eventhough I wasn't supposed to have one).

We laughed about it in the end though cos it was kinda funny. The whole scenario consisted of me running to the stairs and just plopped my ass on the floor and cried like a child in distress. I was literally crying out for help. I just couldn't take it anymore. There's just too much shit on my mind that I can't really focus on just one problem and solve it. Everything's just piling up on me. O levels are coming soon and I'm trying not to panic here, but after seeing the results of my mock exam, you can't blame me for being a panic-freak here.

Hell, I do not wanna fail my O's. Get to college and get to Uni. That's it. That's my plan and I'm gonna do it no matter what it takes. I don't care if it means me going ~~suicidal~~ from all the pressure and stress, I'm gonna do it.

God...the boredom...tomorrow's Sunday...tuition in the morning, tuition in the afternoon...yayyy...*sense the sarcasm* God help me...

Anyways...Azmi's calling me again~

I'll blog again tomorrow. ciao bellos.

&&oh the boredom

*NJ*I'm sorry..

~ { 6:47 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Friday, September 05, 2008

Here's todays playlist..TOP 5 on my list today (:

~ { 7:33 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Drama time and potato chips (:

I am currently watching Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency and eating Cottage Fries potato chips with 0% trans fat! Whatever that means~ Today was interesting. There was quite a bit of drama in school just now. The story? I don't really know it in full detail, but all I know is one of my classmates, Wendy accused a number of my friends for spamming her blog, but her main suspect was Zaimah. It's already kind of wrong to simply just suspect her for spamming her blog, but she started to spread rumours as well to other people that Zaimah and her other friends were spamming her blog.

I mean, why in hell's name would she do that? That was a really..I don't know if I should say it, but fuck it, it was a really bitchy move. If you don't know who the person really is, don't spread rumours around and tell everyone that it was that one person. It's a really bad move and it'll surely get you into a lot of shit.

Too bad for Wendy, she got to feel the wrath of Zaimah. I mean she brought it onto herself. Zaimah was pissed and went to look for her during recess. She told Wendy that she would look for her afterschool. It was kinda funny actually cos when I called Wendy to go out of class, she looked so happy and creepily preppy. Then she saw Zaimah and her face just turned into this hot mess! Haha. It went from 'oh-so-happy-lil-monkey' to 'oh-shit-i-think-i-just-shit-myself'.

Haha. That was the funny part. The no-so-funny part was after school. Zaimah did confront her and I didn't really get there when it all started. I got there when Zaimah was alreay really really pissed off. Seriously, I've never seen her that pissed off before. She was screaming and Wendy at first, gave her this hostile, bitchy look and then it turned into a red-eyed, crying-face look. She looked like she literally wanted to cry.

Zaimah asked her why she would suspect her, and maybe it was because she was with her current boyfriend, the councillor (I don't know how to spell his name, so I am not gonna put his name in here). Just as Zaimah said that, he came down the stairs and put up this whole boyfriend role. Wendy kept denying everything and gave excuses that really didn't make sense. You can actually tell that some of the things she said weren't true cos she was fidgeting and looking around while talking.

The whole thing ended with Zaimah walking away and screaming down the stairs. The whole thing ended with Zaimah saying, "She loves me so much, that's why she stalk me! CRAZY BITCH!" It was funny as hell. And props to Zaimah as well for the right description. We laughed about it in the canteen and talked about what happened. I was waiting for Azmi to pick me up from school as he was a bit late cos he was stuck in traffic.

The day went by smoothly after that, as usual, I went to his house and chilled out there til 3.30 and went home, took a shower and got ready cos we were gonna go to Gadong for sungkai. All was well, we had sooo much fun at the new Happy arcade which is on the third floor as well. The karaoke juke box there is wayyyy better than the one at the old arcade. Soo many new songs! I sung Leave by Jojo, Always be my baby by Mariah Carey and Touch my Body by Mariah Carey. To top it all off, the mics work perfectly!!! New mics. Not like the ones in the old arcade. And it isn't that crowded, so it's all good.

It has a lot of fun games also. One not so satisfying thing though, the DDR there is nottt updated! :(

But oh wells~~~

Anywayssss...this shall be it for today..til next time, ciao bello

&&sing you a lullabye

<3>

~ { 6:29 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

That's all I wanted..the stars and your love...

Emo title huh? Haha...I just thought of it so..what the heck, it'll be my title for this post. I'm currently listening to this band called 'This Beautiful Republic' and posting up this blog, using the laptop...The one which I haven't used in like forever..~

I'm not really feeling the whole fancy lettering and bold and stuff thing I usually do to my words today. Just a simple blog about today's happenings and my thoughts. It's like 1.09am right now and I'm tired as hell so don't expect much haha.

Puasa has started already and for all you guys who are puasa-ing now, you guys gotz to wake up in like about 3 hours timeeee....!!! (:

Anyways, today was pretty much alright. ALOT of confessions~ Mostly from me cos I ran into alot of people and events today that reminded me of my past. For example, at the foodcourt just now. I told Azmi that I went there for sungkai with one of his friends last year..we'll call him 'M'. M and his other friend bumped into me and my ex...Hakeem (some of you should now our so-called history), and we had sungkai there while I was hiding from Azmi...yeah I know, that was what I used to be, but thank God I changed.

I told Azmi and boy did he get pissed. He asked me why he didn't know about it and I told him that he should know how I was last year and trust that I won't do it again. After that episode, some guy from last time, popped up at the arcade while I was playing the drums and yeah, that ruined my whole mood cos Azmi knew him as well and asked me how I knew his friend and I told him. His friend..didn't actually know that I was with Azmi last year and kind of developed this crush on me.

He invited me to his house last year for Raya and it was just a friendly thing. We didn't do anything! It was just a normal visit and he had his friends over as well while I was there so it was just plain old innocent fun.

Azmi got all mental and said that he should've hit the guy when he had the chance. I have no idea why he gets so possessive and jealous at times. It's not like I liked the guy or something. The fact that I went to his alone for Raya, yeah that was wrong and I know that me going over there alone wasn't the right thing to do either. It's not like I'm gonna do it again either. Thank God Azmi cooled down after awhile and we went to Dixie Chicken for sungkai.

They had this all you can eat buffet for only $9.90 and the food was fantastic!!!! There wasn't anyone there at all too cos everyone thought the food there was shit, but it actually isn't~ It kinda improved over these past few months. Compared to before, the food tastes better now. Azmi said that it was the best place he has ever been for sungkai cos it was the most quiet place. He has this thing against noisy and crowded places. He hates noise and chaos...Ironically, most of the time he causes them...not the annoying type...the scary type, when he blows a blood vessel.

I've seen a fair share of these 'classic' moments, whenever we have a fight, yeah~ I just have to learn to shut up whenever he's pissed and stop fighting back, but how can I? It's my nature. I can't help but to fight back. I'm not the type of girl who just lets someone scream at me for some stupid reason and let them get away with it. I'm not the type of girl either who just lets some person say something I don't agree on without and arguement. That's usually how our fights start. A small arguement can turn into a full-fledged fight. No hitting involved ofcourse. Just a lot of things flying around the house and glass-breaking.

He throws a chair, I flip the table. He throws the ashtray, I throw the friggin glass.

That's how things roll. (:

It doesn't mean we don't love each other thought. We do. We just have to learn how to control our temper. We both have anger issues, so yeah. It's not usually a good thing in a relationship for both the boyfriend and girlfriend to be hardheaded, but can we help it? NOPE

We're made like that. Haha. Strange I know, but atleast we're not an abusive couple. We don't hit each other, unless it's just for fun like small little pinches on the cheeks or something. Sappy, yes I know, but it's all true. THANK GOD.

We know a few people who have abusive relationships such as one of our friends who is actually called 'the brutal couple'. They literally kick the shit out of themselves when they get into a fight. The boyfriend headbutts her and she still gets up and fight. Love and Hate relationship...weird, but sweet at the same time. Haha. Don't aske me how so, cos I can't really explain it.

God, I can't believe I have school tomorrow. I got back some of my Mock exam papers and trust me, now I know that I seriously need to step up my game. I failed most of them. So far no credits yet. I need to focus on the 5 subjects that I wanna score credit on. Like Geo, Physics, POA, English, Malay and my fallback will be either Maths or Biology. I think I can actually score a credit for Biology if I start studying more now. My tuition schedules have been all moved up the the mornings and afternoons cos of the Puasa month, so things should flow smoothly. Gives me enough time to study.

As I've been told many time before by various people, 'CRY FIRST, LAUGH LATER'.

Even my boyfriend told me that....Ugh..so it MUST be true~ Anyways, I'm going to bed now. 1.30am already and I have school tomorrow, so I'll blog again when I have the time ok? Til then...see you readers (: Don't forget to tag and link me. Gimme your link and I'll try to find time to link you guys.

ciao bello
Much love,xoxo

&&Baby, perfection defines you fully.

Labels: and this is how things roll (:

~ { 10:06 AM }
reflections of you and me;