Confusing questions & feelings
Ok I just got back from my outing with my parents and well let's just say that I haven't been concentrating on the shopping that much. (That's a first!) Well, I don't know why, but some of you may think "Yea watever, you're always falling for people." But I just don't get it! How the hell can I possibly fall for him? We just met like a few days ago and we haven't really talked and we haven't really got to know each other that well, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about him. We act like we're a couple cos we treat each other like a couple, but we're not. It's complicated I know, but seriously, I can't have feelings for him. Besides, he seems like a playboy and yeah he does know how to treat a girl but, isn't that like the profession of all playboys? I've seen his phone, it has like a pic of him and another girl together hugging and kissing, they looks so sweet. At first I thought that was his girlfriend, but in the end it wasn't. He said it was actually someone elses' girlfriend, but she wanted to be with him. Eventhough he said that she isn't his girlfriend I can tell that he really likes her. It's like he tells me "From 10am till 6pm you can text me, but from 6pm till 10pm you can't." What a classic move from a classic playboy right? I don't know why, but it's like I can't help but to think of him, hessitating to text or misscall him or not. Well maybe I should just brush it off. I can never fall for him and eventhough if I do, I have to keep it to myself first and think about it. I'm so tired of making mistakes in relationships and just jump into conclusions. It's pointless in relationships and in other situations as well. I guess I'm just going to have to keep it to myself for the time being. Maybe I like him cos he's socialable. It's like everywhere he goes, he knows someone. When I'm with him I'm not bored nor am I lonely. It's like he brightens up my day. He's caring and all that, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way or not. If he doesn't then I'm gonna end up hurting myself and if he does, well then I would be happy. Right now I'm not going to spill anything to him yet, I'm just going to sit at square one till I'm sure it's the right time. Come on, we just met less than a week ago! It's like, whenever I go out with him on a date or something, it's like he's mine, but only for that time only and when the date's over, he's someone elses'. I just hate that feeling. It's like wherever I go I keep thinking of him, like who he's with or where he is or even who is he messaging and calling. He told me yesterday that he just went through a breakup, so I don't think he's ready to jump into a relationship yet. I'm just gonna go with the flow. If we're ment to be, it'll happen and if we're not then I guess it's better to be hurt now than to be hurt more later on. This has happened to me more than once so I can't really trust my feelings anymore. Ugh! I just hate this feeling. I hate it when these things happen. I'm going to the mall tomorrow and yes, I'm hoping to bump into him. Gawd I'm so hooked on him..for now..I think..Well I don't really know. I'm just kinda testing my feelings right now. My heart keeps telling me to text him now, but I just can't. I don't wanna seem clingy or desperate or anything. Oh yeah, there's this new booth on the third floor right next to Weststreet Cafe called Spades I think, it's operated by this Chinese guy who's his friend, so he asked his friend to do some tricks for me right and his friend did this coin trick by turning the 20cent coin into a rubber cockroach haha! I was like so bangang! Usually girls would scream, but I just stared at the cockroach in awe! haha So weird! He did this other cool card trick that kinda amazed me. Well I can't really explain how the trick goes on this blog nor can I show it to you guys in real life, but what I can tell you is that it was really cool! And it was sweet of him to ask his friend to show it to me. I felt..well..special. I'm guessing that's why I like him, cos he makes me feel special. I like guys with loads of friends and he obviously has that potential in him and he knows how to treat a girl. What I pray for right now is for him to fall for me and forget about the others. He's not perfect, but he's got most of the things cut out for him. I just wanna know how he feels about me. Does he feel the same or am I just a friend-with-benefits thingy to him? So many questions and feelings all cooped up in my head and no answers. It's fucked up I'm telling you. I'm praying so hard on my knees right now that I won't get hurt cos if I do, I'm telling you, it won't be pretty. I'm hoping to get a chance to ask him to the party on the 27th. I know he's going already, but I wanna ask him to be my date at the party. Weird, I know, but I really need a date to the party. It aint a prom, but who knows, a male companion may be good for me. Besides, I don't really feel safe alone there, Kaisan will be off chasing girls and so will his friend and people may ask me to dance, but who knows what will happen at a party right? And it may be a good opportunity for me too. 1 MORE WEEK AND PARTAY!!!!COUNTDOWN TILL SCHOOL REOPENS: 1WEEK 3DAYS&&Ravin Catastrophe
