Homesick..depressed..
*sigh* You guys have no idea how I feel right now. To be away from your friends at them time when you need them the most and to be heartbroken and depressed at the same time. I just can't take it anymore. I went to the mall with Syirah on Monday at 2pm to meet him up and we did. Then Syirah's cuz n her friend came and told him that they saw that girl that is in the pic of his wallpaper at the mall. After that I just blanked out when he suddenly started to kinda freak out. It was then I knew that someone else still had his heart. Another thing is I heard him say something bout that was his gf or something something. I just blanked out after that and my mood went down the drain in a snap!
I don't know why this is happening to me. It's like he told me that if I wanted him then I would have to wait and guess what! He knows Kayrol!!..I'm like wtf??!! As I said before Brunei's a small ass country with a small ass population! Well I won't go into details about Kayrol, but what I'll tell you is this, it may have destroyed all my chances of ever being with him. I miss him so much. (Not talking about Kayrol) I just can't seem to get my mind off him. It's like he's got me under his spell or something. Even Syirah told me that she can see that I'm falling for him cos he told me that he wanted to get a new car, maybe a BMW (HOLY SHIT right? I knw) and I said jokingly that if he got a car then I wouldn't let go of him anymore and what he said next really triggered the tear-falling nerve in my body. "What if you had to?" is what he said next. You have no idea how much I felt like crying after I heard that.
He said that there are other guys who are much better than him and all that, but when you want that 'ONE PERSON', you would do anything to get him and that's how I feel now. Remember that I said in my previous blog that I'm confused? Well I don't think that I'm confused anymore. I think that I really have fallen for him, and I FELL HARD! It's like a big thud to my heart. Everytime after 10pm I would wait for his message or misscall, hoping that he would give me a message saying that he misses me or atleast a misscall to tell me that he's thinking of me. He makes me laugh so much, even the guys at ws are starting to get the idea that we're a couple, eventhough I deny it they still think that me and him are an item. *sigh* How I wish that was true.
But who knows right? If we're meant to be, we'll be together one day, but till then I guess I'm just gonna have to wait. How long? I really don't know. It's like I need to see him every single day of my life, atleast one glance will make me happy. The way he holds me..the way he kisses me on the cheek and lips..it just recharges the happiness in me. After he left ws, I totally started to whine and groan. I didn't cry cos I already cried infront of him after the what-if-you-have-to-let-go convo. I missed him so much when I got home and I just couldn't take it. I really don't know what got into me. I haven't felt like this about a guy since Fuad..and even Fuad didn't even make me fall for him THIS hard. It's like every minute and every second I think of him and whenever I talk about him with someone, I can't help but to cry silently, even when the tears don't flow down my cheeks, I'm crying in my heart.
His name is burnt onto my heart, that's for sure and everyone knows..Burn scars NEVER come off..
Other than him I really miss my friends in Brunei too. I know that it hasn't even been 24hours since I have been in Singapore, but still, I can't help but to feel so far away from the people I care most in the world. Yesterday Aim and I were messaging..he just lost his phone so yea..he's in that depressed mood that I'm in now, but still, I try my very best to cheer him up and I know it helps (: I met him I think about 1 week or so ago and from what I know from chatting with him, is that he's a really caring and sweet guy. Haven't met him so I don't know how he looks like in person, but from his pics, he's kinda cute (: Part of NF jua so it's all cool. Another person I miss is ABIIII..Gawd I miss chatting with him. It's like, he's sick now so yea I'm kinda worried about him. He called me last night, but I couldn't chat for very long cos I know that my mom was trying to overhear my conversation with Abi. Overall I just think I'm homesick.
Bad news is, Ash can't sleepover my house on Friday night, but she asked me to meet her at the mall on the 27th instead before the party and well I can't just go into the mall wearing my party clothes right? People'll think I'm a freak! haha..Well they don't know I'm going to a party right? Unless..I do my hair in the morning and..OH WAIT! I can't..by the time I get to the party I think my hair will be all messed up. Oh well! We'll just have to wait until the day of the party to decide. Turns out my dad doesn't even know, well I think he forgot that I'm going to the party on Saturday night. He didn't think that my mom would let me, but surprisingly she did so that's a good thing! I'm hoping that I won't be a wallflower at the party. I wanna dance with him the whole night. I'm beggin that there won't be an ambush..but if there is..he told me that one of his friends would tell him earlier and he'll just pull me outta the party and whoosh off somewhere else. How superheroic-ish is that?! haha lame I know.
But yeah..I hope everything goes right on the 27th. I still have to find an outfit though. WISH ME LUCK!!!
&&Lovestruck Teen
