Misunderstandingz~
Have you ever felt the feeling as if you just wanna crash your head into the wall? Well that's the feeling I'm having right now. It's like, just now in the morning Hary messaaged me, asking me to go online cos he needed to talk to me about something. I couldn't cos I had tuition in the morning and I had to accompnay my parents to lunch then go grocery shopping. I finally went online at Hayley's house when he told me that Apek thinks that I have a boyfriend. I was like WHAT!!! N he told me everything. Apek apparently went through my messages, which is an invasion of privacy by the way and he saw my ex's messages!
Alright, this ex of mine's name starts with the letter B so I'll col him 'B' ok? Well anyways, he read what B sent to me and it involved the whole darling2 syg2 thing. That's why Apek was hurt! Problem is, he thinks that I'm fooling him and I was trying so hard to explain everything to him, but in the end he shot me this very hurtful sentence..'I don't wanna be friends with you anymore'. So I just broke down and cry. Here's the full story bout me and B.
B and I were at first, really good friends. Until we started to like each other. We ended up being together and well, things went pretty well until he said that he didn't have feelings for me anymore! (JERK!!) So yeah, I was like if he didn't have feelings for me anymore then what's the use of us being together right? I broke it off there and my problem was solved. It took awhile to get rid of his memories, but I managed. A few months later, he texts me up saying that he wants me back and the whole cheesy story. I ofcourse, rejected him cos second chances are a definite no-no for him. The way he hurt me was enough thank you very much! Ofcourse, his messaging streak didn't stop there, he kept on messaging me with all those lovey-dovey words like syg and all the other shits! I didn't wanna hurt him so I just balas blik the whole syg2 thing, but you gotta get one thing straight! I never and I mean NEVER said the sentence 'I LOVE YOU' to him cos I would never do that. I'm single, meaning I can do whatever I want! If i have a boyfriend then ofcourse I'll tell him to stop messaging me already and I wont reply the whole syg2 thing. I would just ask him to fuck off! I don't even know why I'm tolerating him! He means nothing to me! Hear that Apek?!
Now, back to the whole Apek story. He read his messages and said that I was really good at keeping it low. When he started giving me the attitude I got sick of it! I was so damn fed up with him already! I just told him straight up that he can think what he wants to think and believe what he wants to believe cos honestly I'm done trying. I'm done trying to work our friendship out already. He can go his way and I go mine. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt me, but it hurt me alot!!! The feeling of losing a friend over some misunderstanding hurts me alot. He says that he has been trying to understand me, but I never give him a chance to explain himself to me and I never try and understand him.
I already do! I know he likes me alot and I know that he wants me to have feelings for him, but I just don't! I only like him as a friend and he says that it won't work! I know he'll feel hurt everytime he sees me, but what can I do right? It's not like I can force myself to like him. Hary said that he would try and talk to Apek, but I don't think it'll do me any good. I need to talk to him. Face to face, all guards down and have a heart to heart discussion with him. Can't he be happy to be just friends with me? Atleast I don't ignore him and run away from him!
I'm still talking to him like a friend! I treat him as like my close friend. Someone I can turn to for help and someone I can lepak with and talk to. There are only two really big reasons why I can't be with him:-
I don't have feelings for him.
I treat him as only a friend.
He's not my type.
I can't tell him the third reason cos knowing him, the sensitive person that he is, he'll be so hurt. *sigh* I told him just now before I went offline, that he had to make a decision. The million dollar question was 'Do you still want us to be friends or not?'. It was a simple yes or no question. If he says no then what can I do right? I can't force him to be friends with me cos a) It'll be really pathetic and b)I don't like to force people to do things they don't wanna do unless I have to.
I'm still waiting for an answer from him. Apart from the whole Apek thing, today went really great. Had tuition in the morning, ate lunch at Misato and lepak-ed at Hayley's crib. Her house is really nice! I love being there. It feels so homey! We got so bored that we hung out in the bathroom! Yes, now that is what I call bored to the max! I got school tomorrow, and mummy's asking me to stop so g2g! ciao~
&&wish my parents were overseas now. *sigh*
