Wednesday, December 12, 2007

In singapore and hungry

Hey guyss..I haven't been blogging for so long as I thought that no one was reading my blog, but hey....turns out that i do have one very loyal fan. hahaha. I won't give out any names, but lets just say that he's a huge fan. I'm in singapore right now with my mom..as usual, visiting the grandparents. Bry, one of my besties is in singapore too so that's a relief. Atleast I have someone to hang out with when I'm bored. I do need my mom too at times lol. Going out alone means limited cash. Going out with mommy means..'credit card please' hehe. Clever aren't I? uh huhhh. When it comes to these kind of things, I'm good. When it comes to schoolwork..I'm..let's just say..not really interested. Haha.

I'll be in form 5 next year..Gawd..O levels..I absolutely cannot stress out less about that issue. My mom's like piling up alot of tuition classes on me, so I doubt I have much time to spare in gadong anymore. *sigh* Now I know how it feels when you take o levels. Well I guess after all that suffering, it's gonna be all worth it cause there's a long, long holiday ahead after the exam. It's a one month exam though...*sigh* I have no idea how I am gonna cope next year. Give up my non-serious schoolwork days..and go all nerd-tastic on mahself.

My cousins are sleeping over my house til I get back to brunei. God my mom just won't leave me alone and Azmi isn't even replying any of my messages..Syair picked up the phone just now and he told me that Azmi got really pissed when he tried to wake him up. He threw things at Syair and slammed the door shut. He locked the damn door and didn't wanna go back out. *sigh* I really don't know what to do now. It's like..I'm afraid to lose him and I don't know why. Maybe it's cos of the fact that we've been together for like 9 months already. I really don't know. Or maybe I'm afraid that it'll get really awkward cos he knows alot of my friends. Or maybe..someone sabo our realtionship...the only thing I can think of right now is he cheated on me. I know most people would say that he wont do that to me..but there's no gurantee. Seriously, i'd rather he tell me that he doesn't love me anymore than to leave me for some other girl or is cheating with some other girl cos that would knock my pride 7 feet deep into the fucking ground. I just hate being in relationships in brunei cos it's like..wherever u go..ppl talk and soon gossip happens and the realtionship's toast.

I know that in relationships, both the couples have to trust each other and talk things out with each other and just now give up on the relationship..but in this case..i don't know. I'm just ready-ing myself to get my heart broken...again for the ten millionth time. If he leaves me..it's not like I have no other choices..but he's the first one that I have ever been with..the only relationship that got this far. I have met his parents already and he's the most protective boyfriend ever. Can I help it if my heart wanders around too much? I don't know what's happening. I seriously don't and Apek..I have a feeling that he has sumthing to do wit this cos he told me that his friend saw me with another guy whom he apparently thought was my boyfriend. He kept insisting and insisting til finally last night I snapped at him and told him to fuck off cos he was a pain in the ass.

He started telling me his stupid sad sob story telling me that he kept alot of things from me cos he didn't want me to get hurt and why I couldn't see that. Hello! NEWS FLASH! In case he hasn't found out, the things that might even hurt me..he has to tell me. As a friend..he should have told me cos I deserve to know! I don't wanna be like a fool going about my days not knowing about anything at all..then he suddenly brought up stuff that weren't evenr elevant like how i kept things from him too. I kept things from him cos I didn't want any trouble between him and his friends. He doesn't even have any real friends. Like seriously. Gawd..he can just be a huge pain in the ass at times. I just need to relax and take my mind off this issue

If Azmi doesn't wanna contact me nemore then fineee..be it..cos I am so sick n tired of this kind of shit. Seriously..next year it's form 5 and I can't afford to put up with everyone's shit. I have to put up with my parents and other people's too. Now my friggin neck is hurting and I have no idea why the hell i feel as though as I'm going to get a fever. Mayb it's just me..but seriously, the right side of my throat hurts like hell now and it's connecting to my head. I can actually feel my head hurt when I try to swallow my saliva!

Stupid weather..Everything's just pissing me off nowadays and now I have stupid people from around the apartment using my wireless internet! Gawd can't these people buy their own n just use it? I can't take it anymore..now my mom won't go over to the next room to sleep..it's so torturing..now I have to find a way to smoke..if I didn't look like shit now, I would go downstairs to smoke..but the problem is..I look like shit now..the people downstairs..mostly are my cousin's friends n the hot neighbours..so i can't really look like crap going downstairs..

Have to actually look ok~~ and not crazy-like..which is my current look haha. Gawd..the problem now is I need to smoke and I can't cos now I have to wait til every one's asleep then I can go to the kitchen and smoke throught the big ass window and watch people pass by. If I'm lucky, I can actually catch a couple fighting downstairs. I actually did try that once and I ended up getting so pissed that I threw a huge block of ice downstairs onto the car and i think I dented their car. Hey! They deserved it for disturbing my peaceful time.

Right now, I've been having alot of people crushing on me lol. I have no idea why. Not exactly crushing..just like disturbing me and all that. My status right now is totally complicated..First hakeem..then azmi..now..ugh! God! I feel like crying already. It's just so so ..eeee..complicateddd!!! *screams* I need to shop..so badly..

I need to smoke..most importantly..call someone!!!! I need to talk to someone so badly and I wish right now that I had a prima elite line..unlimited phonecalls for only $250 a month.wow.~

I don't see what's so hard in just paying $250 a month. It's better than paying my home phone bills and buying my easi cards cos it's gonna cost so much more. N no matter how many times they keep nagging on me..i'll never change that habit. Talking on the phone has become a hobby of minee..Seriously that hobby will never change. I can never live without my phone. Once my mom took it away and I took my grandma's phone and used it to my advantage lol. I used the prima elite advantage (:. Unlimited callss babyyy

I really really need to get my nails done tomorrow. I just can't find a decent manicure place to do my nails. I'm thinking of getting gel nail extensions. My grandma told me to save time and just go to KL and get them done. She just went out and got me a pack of cigs. VICEROY baby. The brand I've been longing to get ever since my cousins bought em in Singapore. They won't get me a pack. Let's just say, they don't really encourage me smoking. I have no idea why. I think they had a conference or something on the issue of me smoking.

Oh I just heard Chris brown's new song, with you. It's the bomb! Pure heaven. I've memorised the lyircs in like 2 days haha. There's another song called This Christmas by chris borwn too. It's the bomb. Christmas song re-invented! He made christmas so chris brown-ny..I know that sounded weird. but yeah I can't deny that I'm a die-hard fan of his. Haha. God i'll be 17 next yr (: one more year til I get my freedom baby. I just called Azmi and asked him if he still loves me or not and he said that he's afraid to say no cos he knows that if ihe says no then i'll leave him and he's afraid of that. It doesn't make any sense at all actually. He said that if he sees me around gadong..which he will cos it's my 2nd home, he'll feel all weird and it'll destroy his mood and he'll want me back..whereas me, at that time will enjoy my time being so so single and forget all about him and leave him in the dust.

It's true actually the fact that guys..they break up with you and then when they see you with someone else, they just want you back all of a sudden. It's funny that way. It's like they can't get over their stupid pride. No offense to you guys out there. It's true actually..well for most of em. I'm going to KL this saturday and I'm hoping that my mom will actuaqlly let me buy my stuff this time. Like no more giving me stupid excuses on why i souldn't buy the things that i wanna buy cos it's too damn expensive and I don't work for the money yet. That excuse is so done and over! It's not like I haven't figured out that she's just using that as an excuse so that she can use my red-packet money which my grandma gave to me. It's so stupid actually. My grandma and me bitch about her all the time.

Oh btw..if you guys find me talking about my mother this way wrong..SUCK IT UP. cos it's reality. Sucky mother..daughter bitches about her. Makes sense no? If you can't live with that fact then I suggest you navigate away from this page. SERIOUSLY. I had this reader read my page once and he/she..being the moron that he/she is..commented on the post I made about my mom being rude and told me that i souldn't do that cos my mom spent 9months suffering for me. Guess what? It doesn't apply anymore! I found out from my dad that my mom actually didn't wanna have a baby cos she was too damn worried bout her ownself so technically she didn't give birth to me on her own terms.

Selfish innit? And now she wants to take my cash away from me? Oh puh-lease. Im not that naive. U can see through her ways. It's not that hard to see her true face actually. She can so so transparent at time. Well most of the time. My uncle just told me that eastern-europe aint that fun cos he's been there before. And guess what..I'm going there for my end of year holidays. It's so so so damn stupid. I told her that I wanted to go to LA and she said no and went to book the friggin trip to eastern europe instead.

I miss brunei.. I miss my hometown *sigh*. I hate being homesick. It's getting me all frustrated and irritable. Thank god my cousins are sleeping over. Atleast They'll take the boredom away..they're taking my cigarettes away too! They think I don't notice them stealing my ciggies. Yes i do. I just shut up about it cos sooner or later I'm catching them red handed. They're not that good in the whole stealing business. They make too much noisse when they enter the room. They keep making me let them stay in my room for the night cos they know that my room has a window and they can smoke and they don't have to go all the way downstairs to smoke. They're stupid~

Duh!! There's a big ass window in the kitchen that they can smoke through. They just have to wait til everyone goes to sleep first. My bad..they can't wait that long. Haha. Anyways..i'll blog later on again if anything interesting happens or if i feel like blogging. Til then..tata (:

&&with you with you with you with you with you

~ { 2:24 AM }
reflections of you and me;